[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

[Cindy Ray]

That is truly bizarre. However, I suspect that Brandon's situation was more based on blindness though, of course, there is no real way to prove that, especially since Brandon is an only child I think.
Cindy

On Sep 30, 2014, at 7:16 PM, Judy Jones via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:

> So true.  This seems to be more about parents and their relationships with their adult children.
> 
> I'm about to mention incidents with sighted children and parents.
> 
> We actually know a couple here in the area, three wonderful sons.  The middle one finally got married this past summer, and has left the nest.  But the other two range from mid-twenties to mid-thirties.  For whatever reason, they manage seemingly to stay under their parents' thumb.  Both are still living at home, although would like to get out and have a place of their own.  Both are working.  Money is not a problem for the parents, but they have burdened the nice loving guys with their care and responsibilities, and trying to run their lives.
> 
> The parents themselves are, believe it or not, nice to be around and relate to.  It's just the relationship with their sons that is so different.  The guys are very hesitant to strike out on their own.  When the middle one got married, there were all kinds of reprocussions with the parents, but fortunately, he and his wife are living in another town.
> 
> The most bizarre parent/adult child relationship I've ever heard of was in listening to a Focus On The Family broadcast several years ago.  The topic of that particular show happened to be relationships.  And an extreme letter was read over the air, with permission, by an adult child who lived at home with his parents.  He stated that his parents would still spank him when they saw any difference of opinion as rebellion.  Very bizarre.
> 
> Judy
> 
> -----Original Message----- From: Gary Wunder via blindtlk
> Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2014 9:47 AM
> To: 'Brandon A. Olivares' ; 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle
> 
> Hello, Brandon. I am fifty-nine years old, and though I know that my parents
> respect me very much, I still don't have the same kind of relationship with
> them that I do with friends and other family members. They are parents. They
> are used to caretaking. They are absolutely certain I need their advice. It
> doesn't matter whether the advice has to do with a cobweb they think I don't
> know about or how my grandson buys too much at the store and how they helped
> me by putting some of the things from the shopping basket back on the shelf.
> 
> I notice that I am speaking of my parents as they, although my mother died
> about six years ago. When she came to my house it was not uncommon for her
> to walk around with a paper towel grabbing up dog hair. It didn't even
> matter that my father laughed at her for doing it. She was going to be
> helpful.
> 
> I don't know how we do it, but I think many of us figure out that
> relationships with parents are never going to be relationships among equals.
> My father believes that I can write far better than he can. He thinks that I
> have people skills that are better than his. But he still thinks I am naïve
> when it comes to matters of race, gender, politics, how to spend money, how
> to discipline children, and what is involved in having a marriage where the
> man is the man and the woman is the woman. Most certainly I tolerate
> comments and behavior from my father that I would not tolerate from anyone
> else. There are things that I let go by without arguing that I would go to
> the mat with others about.
> 
> None of this deals with your question about the house except to say that
> perhaps the most kind, loving, and helpful parents can at times be high
> maintenance. I remember what I regard as a particularly funny line from a
> situation comedy that I saw almost 40 years ago. A young woman tells a
> friend that she is afraid to go home and spend the night with her parents
> because her mom is such a caretaker that the main character is afraid that
> she would wake up in the morning to find herself in diapers. This is
> obviously an exaggerated situation comedy that has nothing to do with
> blindness but everything to do with parents finding it hard to regard their
> offspring as truly independent adults.
> 
> Warmly,
> 
> Gary
> 
> 
> 
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