[Blindtlk] Questions About Sportswriting/journalism and not giving up on career goal/dreams

[Kerri Kosten]

Hi Everyone:

For those of you who are either journalists or are wanting to pursue a
career that is visual/not blindness related how do you stay motivated
and keep from giving up when things get hard or don't go your way?
Since I was 15 years old, I have wanted to do something in sports
media/sports journalism.
Nobody has actually told me I can not do it, I even am lucky and have
a page on a local stations website where I can write about sports
(I'll post the link at the end of this message.)
But, I listen to a ton of sports talk radio. I understand the hosts
are sighted, and it's a sighted world, but I am beginning to realize
how visual sports journalism may be.
I am noticing that when I listen to sports talk radio and they talk
about say watching parts of
a game I can't see, or they say to go and watch a press conference and
watch how the coach looks around or something like that I become
really depressed and feel I can't do sportswriting or something in
sports media as a career and that really upsets me.
I also notice that a lot of times radio stations will sort of groom
certain interns and such so when they graduate from college they get a
job. I notice I get really jealous and upset when this happens and it
makes me so upset I give up.
I am trying to be better at writing less details, so it's a long story
but I tried going back to school last semester as a journalism major
and I thought I did pretty well and thought I had tried hard and then
when my grades came back I failed out for the second time and can't go
back to this school for a year. It really really hurt myself-esteem
and still hurts today.
Again, another long story, but about six years ago (before I joined
the NFB or went to training) I was doing a bunch of writing for the
radio station and got to answer the phones for an hour-long popular
sports talk show here. There were a bunch of problems that came up
though and I gave up and just stopped going in.
I have since made amends and went to training and still have a page on
the website to write sports on, but I still am really upset about my
mistakes and even today it is really hard and almost impossible for me
to listen to that talk show knowing I used to answer the phones and be
connected to it and now I am basically nobody.
I was even in school back then as well, and I got to meet a bunch of
the journalism professors and one time there was a sports journalism
week and I got to go up and meet all the speakers. Now, I have failed
out of school twice and the professor that really liked me, invited me
to all the things unfortunately passed away. Even at the journalism
school now I am nobody. The dean is still there, but the professors
wouldn't know me if I walked in and used my cane perfectly.
When you have made so many mistakes in your past, and failed so many
times, how do you go on and not give up? How do you listen to
something and not think about your mistakes?
I have another question that often brings me down and makes me question myself.
I do not have any media credentials or passes or anything like that.
Before I begin to write a story I often look at a couple of stories
already written to sort of use as a guide to get either the stats from
the games or quotes the coaches ssay at their post-game press
conferences since I don't have any actual media credentials amd am not
actually there.
With the internet being what it is today, is this okay?
There have never been any problems and my stories are worded
completely differently (I never copy and paste, just get information)
but deep down I feel guilty.
I write something, and I want so much to be proud of it but I feel I
can't be and that brings me down and makes me want to give up.
I guess I just feel frustrated because when I say I don't know what I
want to do with my life, everyone always asks me "What is your
passion?" I could lie, but my passion is sports. I know it well, I
have a sort of photographic memory where I can read a stat or
something and memorize it, there is nothing else I know better.
Everyone has always agreed sports writing/media is a great fit for me,
but I just constantly question myself, am unsure, constantly worry I
won't be able to get a job, I want to feel good about my writing but
deep down I feel guilty, and I often question with sports being such a
visual thing whether it is really possible. As I said previously, I
also struggle with jealousy when I see others being groomed for jobs
and getting paid and I'm not. I also feel sad and can't even listen to
this talk show because I feel so sad about my past mistakes and my
failing out of school twice and now I am nobody where I was so
connected before.
But, at the same time, when people ask me what my passion is, or I
think about it, there is no question: it is sports. I don't know what
to say.
It makes me angry that I constantly question myself so much but yet a
sighted person who loves sports can decide in high school they want to
go into sports journalism, and they attend college, get good grades
and don't fail out, make the right connections along the way, meet the
right people, get a couple of good internships in, and then when they
graduate often land jobs.
How do you all keep from constantly questioning yourselves and giving up?
What do you use to stay motivated?
How do you keep from feeling sad about your past mistakes when you are
reminded of them by listening to local radio?
How do you keep from totally feeling defeated and giving up when you
listen to a sports talk radio show and they talk about a particular
game or story so visually?
Here is the link to my sports page.
http://www.wajr.com/common/page.php?pt=sports_news&id=96
Thanks,
Kerri