[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

[Linda]

Your mother is being disrespectful. You do not want to hurt mom, but you are married and your wife comes first. Mom keeps doing things because you are not serious in your asking her not to do things. She is not suffering any consequences for her actions. Set boundaries and stick to them. If need be, you will visit her away from your home. Why should you and your wife be miserable in the home you are paying for? Mom needs to be put in her place -- stop doing things or she will no longer be welcome. I would have pulled the plug on the vacuum cleaner. Asked her how you would find anything if she is moving it? Sorry, but I will not let anyone disrupt my home -- family member or not. Maybe that just comes with age, I don't know. Can't wait to find out how the conversation goes. Just make sure you mean what you say. You teach people how to treat you. Okay, that last sentence came from Dr. Phil, but it is so true.

> On Sep 28, 2014, at 8:16 AM, "Brandon A. Olivares via blindtlk" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hello,
> 
> My wife and I are just looking for a bit of advice on how to handle a difficult situation.
> 
> We’re both in our mid-twenties. We live on our own in her own home town, about 250 miles from my own family. By all accounts, we keep a nice house. It’s not perfect, but it’s clean enough, as confirmed also by several of her family and friends.
> 
> But still, every. single. time my mother comes up to visit, she finds something to complain about. The worst thing is that I think she believes she is doing it out of love, but on our end it feels like she is being condescending and disrespectful.
> 
> I’ve tried before telling her before she visited to please not say anything because Christine worked very hard on the house to make it nice for her. But still she says or does something every time, without fail.
> 
> I’ll provide two examples to illustrate:
> 
> The first happened a few months ago when she came up to visit. Christine was out somewhere, but told me not to let my mother try to touch anything. I said okay. So my mother visits, and pretty soon, she says the table is cluttered and wants to clean it up. I say no, please don’t. We have it handled just fine. But then she starts and just says she’s only putting some things in the end-table drawer so the coffee table looked nicer. I asked her not to, but she kept doing it. I figured it was just small things here and there she was putting away, but when Christine looked later on, every single item on the table was put into the drawer, messing up our organization completely. It took us a while to put everything back in its proper place.
> 
> Case #2: It was my birthday just last week and my mother came up to visit. Again I asked her not to say anything, and she said she wouldn’t. She made a few attempts which I successfully headed off. But then she said the bedroom floor had cat hair on it and needed to be vacuumed, and asked if she could do it. I said no, thanks for letting us know and we’ll take care of it. Well five minutes later, I hear the vacuum being turned on. Apparently she told Christine behind my back she was going to do it anyway, and not to tell me. Christine was a bit intimidated I think so didn’t speak up. But it was very hurtful that I specifically asked her not to, but she did anyway.
> 
> The ironic part is that before we moved out here, we stayed with her for over a year, and she was never a neat-freak. Her own house was often worse than ours would ever be.
> 
> So we’re not sure how to handle it. I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it last weekend because it was my birthday and I didn’t want drama. But she might come up for Christmas and we really don’t want this to keep happening. Unfortunately as said, every time we mention something, she agrees, but then ends up doing it anyway. At this point we’re tempted to just not let her visit our house, but she’d be very hurt by that. But we feel disrespected and degraded, because it seems like she thinks we don’t know what we’re doing just because we’re blind. I’m 26 and Christine is 24, and we’re both quite capable to handle things on our own.
> 
> Sorry about the lengthy message, but any advice would be appreciated.
> 
> Brandon
> _______________________________________________
> blindtlk mailing list
> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blindtlk:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/waterinmyroom%40gmail.com