[Blindtlk] Just Venting!

Sat May 30 02:11:37 UTC 2015

What would it take for you to get out on your own.  Have you developed a 
step by step plan?

Judy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Danielle Antoine via blindtlk
Sent: Friday, May 29, 2015 5:32 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Cc: Danielle Antoine
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Just Venting!

I'm alright but I have had it! I just wanna leave. No more games, no
more appeasements, no more peacekeeping efforts on my part, no more
acting like it's all okay because it's not. Just wanna be on my own
again
! I don't need help if it's not the way I need it! I'll be able to
recover easier once I'm in charge of my own life in my own space.

Alanna, yeah I know I have my own issues to resolve and that is why I
write albeit usually in my space. Problem is, all my spaces keep
getting taken away with computers always never functioning properly in
this way or that. Somebody is repeatedly breaking into my computers
and everybody else act like either they don't know who it is and
refuse to make them stop or report them, or it does NOT matter because
they all have Apple phones and Androids and don't seem to EVER get
targeted. Frankly, I wwent to post brief ness on FB about it only to
find FB is acting up and I can't post. The rest of my blind friends
don't have these repeated computer problems and it is too the point
where Windows has even gotten restricted in some places like I can't
even access the start menu and I just paid $345 less than a month ago
to fix this computer, $219 the month before to fix a desktop but I
have no speech on it right now or place to set it up, and I have one
more yet to go. I had to use MS Office on one that was zapped and
suddenly couldn't get on the Internet after I just bought a wireless
Hot Spot card. It wasn't accessible for me and luckily the company
discontinued it for me. I thought once they switched providers over
hear all this would stop. Now I have to decide to buy another battery
and charger for it or try to get Office Depot to put MS Office 2013 on
this one, which I bought and is supposedly on that desktop. You know
now it don't come on a CD-rom but a card with download instructions.
Who can do much of anything without a word processor? This delays me
though and I lost months and months of work wich I won't be able to
retrieve unless I spend money on a battery and charger for a dinosaur
as they say which is only 8 years old but totally in working order
until........one fateful day.....today. They suddenl froze up and went
black after I tried to make changes to NVDA. That's not including the
$100 in transportation costs to drop off and retrieve them. Anyway I
end up losing everything I have saved to the hard drives because it's
always an Optimize and Restore order. Makes me wonder if their isn't a
key of mine giving access to my computer out there. It all started
once I divorced my ex and gradually got worse. Rather, he filed for
divorce 5 years ago and made out like a bandit. That old you can't
prove it cause your blind bit. Not passing blame but I can't figure
where this is originating and want it to stop! These are not fun games
to be playing with me. I don't know how I could possibly be safe by
being shut down. It's gambling. Why do I need a computer? Simply put,
to function. Communicate with the outside world, to get information,
to job hunt, read mail, pay bills, for entertainment as in plaing fun,
free harmless games for worthless points, to learn, work, keep up with
latest trends inside and outside of the blindness community, get
addresses so I can plan my cab trips, look up spellings of certain
words and anames, keep up with my children, shop, etc. It's just
senseless violence and passive aggression. I do agree about the
individual and family therapy but that likely will never happened
because black folk don't believe in getting counseling. Actually, I
was in therapy when I was in the city. Thanks for the prayers, hug and
love.

Danielle

On 5/29/15, River Linda via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Danielle,
> Big hug and love to you.
>
> On Friday, May 29, 2015, Ray Foret Jr via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> wrote:
>
>> Well, Danielle, it sounds to me like you've had this huge pile-on
>> building
>> and building and building up for quite a while now.  Frankly, it seems to
>> me like there are a number of unresolved issues between you and your
>> family:  but, the long and the short of it feels like this.  You are
>> totally blind, and, your family, despite your best efforts, doesn't
>> really
>> think of you as even a normal person but just some pitiful poor blind
>> girl
>> to be looked after and pitied and felt sorry for and not let do anything.
>> Some sighted people feel this way too, believe it or not.  So, it's not
>> necessarily a blindness thing:  but, in your case, and given the context
>> of
>> your remarks, it sure sounds like that in your case, it might be
>> blindness
>> caused.  It also seems to me that you haven't just sat there and let it
>> build up:  but rather, that you have made every effort after effort to
>> make
>> a difference:  but now, most recently, something has happened that has
>> caused you either to snap or else feel like you want to.  Have I figured
>> it
>> out about right?  Danelle, I wish I had a specific answer to all the
>> things
>> you say:  but, I suspect that some of the blind women on this list might
>> be
>> able to help you better with the specific items you list off.  I merely
>> enter here because I am concerned, and wanted to lend what moral support
>> I
>> can to a fellow blind person who, it seems to me, is on the edge of
>> breaking.
>>
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray
>>
>> Still a happy Mac, Verizon Wireless iPhone 6+ and Apple TV user!
>>
>> Sent from my Mac,
>> the only computer with full accessibility for the blind built-in
>>
>> > On May 29, 2015, at 2:22 PM, Danielle Antoine via blindtlk <
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org <javascript:;>> wrote:
>> >
>> > I just cannot stand it when somebody say you can do something then let
>> > somebody else do it or just prevent you from doing so. Most often,
>> > it's always what I'm doing. Like for instance, my brother and sister
>> > didn't have jobs wasn't looking for jobs until I started. Well bless
>> > God Hallallujah, thank you Jesus, they both got jobs while I'm still
>> > sitting at home. In fact, it cost me more because they have
>> > transporation and drive whereas, I don't have those luxuries and where
>> > Im located it's really not feasible for me to work even if I was in
>> > optimal health. Anyway, my sister followed through with the apps I got
>> > for her and my brother didn't and my mom allowed it; they both got
>> > hired through someone else's efforts in the end. I hoe they keep their
>> > jobs this time! They both are lucky and have no problems getting hired
>> > with minimal effort! I have a lot of time on my hands so can devote to
>> > a few mmindless things that don't require me to think so hard or use
>> > much energy. So, why all this unnecessary stress and aggravation. For
>> > my blind parents, how do you go about picking baby gear on your own? I
>> > lost my babies oh about a couple of months ago and my other prior
>> > three children live with their father. but I had gotten the okay from
>> > a couple of friends prior to all this to document pattern descriptions
>> > and everytime I start I can never get very far do to computer
>> > breakage, stealing of software, hacking and such through no fault of
>> > my own. As we all know, our technology is expensive and can not easily
>> > be replaced in a day or so. Even whene we fix one thing such as the
>> > laptop or desktop, we still need to install a screen reader, and now
>> > MS Office since it is now not standard and if you have scanning
>> > software so it is not off the shelf ready to rock and roll. I am on
>> > SSI only. Believe me, this has to be somebody sighted who wouldn't
>> > want this job if they had it but I am happy to do it. I really started
>> > doing this out of sheer frustration. Since my niece came along, the
>> > adults in her life started buying everything with like characters and
>> > such when it would've made mor sense for them to buy colored stuff.
>> > Like for real people! They can see things like, tangerine, gold,
>> > Everest, purple, onyx, Paisley, Fuschia, Bromley, Go Green, Cameron,
>> > Saturn, Cowmooflage  and such like that. I mean, really what does that
>> > mean to a total who has never seen colors or seen them clear enough in
>> > their life? Those are just examples of pattern names And colors which
>> > they can esily coordinate accordingly rather than snatching up any and
>> > everything. My sister knew she was having  a girl and instead she got
>> > neutral stuff as well. what ever happened to commonsense, courtesy,
>> > consideration, feelings, and boundaries? My mom denied my pregnancy
>> > though so I hope she is happy with my loss on top of me being unable
>> > to honor the visitation agreement with my children since she and my ex
>> > have serious beef! I should also mention ther have been about 10
>> > babies in total born since she has and that is what so angers me even
>> > more. Also, most of her things relate back to my own teenage and
>> > preteen's likes. In fact, my mom bought the exact same car seat I had
>> > bought for my first son with a zoo theme! I should say that my sister
>> > was in jail but she knew what she was having before she went in and
>> > did not prepare. So about a month before my niece's arrival I started
>> > looking at gear and stuff for her. I had planned to buy everything she
>> > needed since I had saved a little money up, to take the worry from her
>> > and my mom who I was sure going fo likely get her and at the time was
>> > talking about moving to where we are now with more space for my
>> > sisters kids. Of course, I was looking at sex appropriate things for
>> > her from the diaper bag to the crib to a few toys and washcloths. I
>> > figure when its coming out of someone else's pocket it shouldn't
>> > matter thow much it cost since you didn't have nothing anyway. At that
>> > time, I wasn't expecting.
>> >
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