[Blindtlk] Just Venting!

Sat May 30 19:32:37 UTC 2015

Continuing on. Excuse the typos and lack of punctuation the last
message. NVDa went somewhere else and was silent whenever I would
arrowup, down, left or right so couldn't correct. So what I would need
is continuous, dependable cash, support, my own children tliving with
me, fully functioning dependable technology, and dependable
transportation that wouldn't cost me so much and a lack of negative
interference and lies.

Danielle
P.S I have beneifted from the government phone as well in the past. I
now still have a prepaid phone.

On 5/30/15, Danielle Antoine <singingmywayin at gmail.com> wrote:
> Oh and thanks Ray. You know but it seems even everybody is  to the
> point of breaking How convenient. It is all a big act erm, race
> competition to see who can receive help or the most helpor and
> recognition or to get out of wrongdoing. You know like verybody wanna
> plead insanity toget out of making restitution for wrongdoing and pass
> the blame and responsibility to others no apologies necessary. That's
> what it all seems like to me. I am done leading with my heart! People
> are quick to take advantage that way. Peaople who really needhelp
> can't get it because somebody else who don't has beat them to the
> punch.
>
> Judy, the answer is no. I had a plan and was working towards
> independence again and that got shot to hell. I mean after I got on
> SSI, I applied for Food Stamps which I had until the courts gave
> custody to my ex. Then, instead of decreasing me they automatically
> cut me off.
> Meanwhile, I had applied for, with the help of my sister and got a job
> substitute teaching but didn't have ransportation going back and
> forth, was living with another friend for a while but wsh suddenly
> acted like I was a burden before I ever got another call. I missed the
> first call because I had a prepaid phone and didn't have any minutes
> on the phone when the call came through. While living with that friend
> I got a list of low--income housing and went down the list for a
> second time and applied to all the apartments I could, but only got
> responses from one particular complex in my mother's name. I corrected
> the letter and told them yes I was interested and never heard from
> them again. Mind you I said second time because the first time I had
> done this when I had my kids with me and I also had gotten a housing
> voucher. I ended up losing my voucher because I had to move from my
> aunt's house since my ex would not follow the visitation rules and
> would pick up the children from school and drop them off periodically
> and my aunt became scared which lead to falling out. Now when I
> checked the last time the housing voucher list is closed as usual as
> it was in Baton rouge when I left. I have put in some applications at
> a nursing home here, a grocery store, the movie theater, and the
> school system as a bus assistant but haven't heard from them which I
> am not necessarily complaining about at this point because I have
> stiff joints and fatigue often but I don't have enough money saved up
> to travel everyday. My plan was to try and put an ad in the paper for
> a driver if I got called for interview I could do the bus assistant
> because they would be able to puck me up. I had an app for Teacher
> Assistant as we which would work with the bus but that was stolen
> twice. So, at this point I am broke and broken
>
> Danielle
>
> On 5/30/15, Carly Mihalakis via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Good morning, Danielle,
>>
>> What a racket!
>>
>> Seems to me, you could be far too invested in, as I like to think of
>> them, have been within my own experience, those animate paper weights
>> every body seems so edgy over. What has worked for me is to utilize
>> the comput for all the things you named I.E. getting travel
>> instructions and relevant spellings, restaurant menus E-mail and the
>> like but for me, no social media, no games, only cursory internet
>> searches but I believe people particularly blind people are duped
>> into believing they need all this shit when, if you just try letting
>> the stuff you don't absolutely need, such as social media, go until
>> such time that you come to terms with your relationship with the role
>> of tech within your personal experience?
>> Of course, this is what has worked for me, you might be like a really
>> dedicated social mediite?
>>   Car
>>
>> 11 PM 5/29/2015, Judy Jones via blindtlk wrote:
>>>What would it take for you to get out on your own.  Have you
>>>developed a step by step plan?
>>>
>>>Judy
>>>
>>>
>>>-----Original Message----- From: Danielle Antoine via blindtlk
>>>Sent: Friday, May 29, 2015 5:32 PM
>>>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>Cc: Danielle Antoine
>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Just Venting!
>>>
>>>I'm alright but I have had it! I just wanna leave. No more games, no
>>>more appeasements, no more peacekeeping efforts on my part, no more
>>>acting like it's all okay because it's not. Just wanna be on my own
>>>again
>>>! I don't need help if it's not the way I need it! I'll be able to
>>>recover easier once I'm in charge of my own life in my own space.
>>>
>>>Alanna, yeah I know I have my own issues to resolve and that is why I
>>>write albeit usually in my space. Problem is, all my spaces keep
>>>getting taken away with computers always never functioning properly in
>>>this way or that. Somebody is repeatedly breaking into my computers
>>>and everybody else act like either they don't know who it is and
>>>refuse to make them stop or report them, or it does NOT matter because
>>>they all have Apple phones and Androids and don't seem to EVER get
>>>targeted. Frankly, I wwent to post brief ness on FB about it only to
>>>find FB is acting up and I can't post. The rest of my blind friends
>>>don't have these repeated computer problems and it is too the point
>>>where Windows has even gotten restricted in some places like I can't
>>>even access the start menu and I just paid $345 less than a month ago
>>>to fix this computer, $219 the month before to fix a desktop but I
>>>have no speech on it right now or place to set it up, and I have one
>>>more yet to go. I had to use MS Office on one that was zapped and
>>>suddenly couldn't get on the Internet after I just bought a wireless
>>>Hot Spot card. It wasn't accessible for me and luckily the company
>>>discontinued it for me. I thought once they switched providers over
>>>hear all this would stop. Now I have to decide to buy another battery
>>>and charger for it or try to get Office Depot to put MS Office 2013 on
>>>this one, which I bought and is supposedly on that desktop. You know
>>>now it don't come on a CD-rom but a card with download instructions.
>>>Who can do much of anything without a word processor? This delays me
>>>though and I lost months and months of work wich I won't be able to
>>>retrieve unless I spend money on a battery and charger for a dinosaur
>>>as they say which is only 8 years old but totally in working order
>>>until........one fateful day.....today. They suddenl froze up and went
>>>black after I tried to make changes to NVDA. That's not including the
>>>$100 in transportation costs to drop off and retrieve them. Anyway I
>>>end up losing everything I have saved to the hard drives because it's
>>>always an Optimize and Restore order. Makes me wonder if their isn't a
>>>key of mine giving access to my computer out there. It all started
>>>once I divorced my ex and gradually got worse. Rather, he filed for
>>>divorce 5 years ago and made out like a bandit. That old you can't
>>>prove it cause your blind bit. Not passing blame but I can't figure
>>>where this is originating and want it to stop! These are not fun games
>>>to be playing with me. I don't know how I could possibly be safe by
>>>being shut down. It's gambling. Why do I need a computer? Simply put,
>>>to function. Communicate with the outside world, to get information,
>>>to job hunt, read mail, pay bills, for entertainment as in plaing fun,
>>>free harmless games for worthless points, to learn, work, keep up with
>>>latest trends inside and outside of the blindness community, get
>>>addresses so I can plan my cab trips, look up spellings of certain
>>>words and anames, keep up with my children, shop, etc. It's just
>>>senseless violence and passive aggression. I do agree about the
>>>individual and family therapy but that likely will never happened
>>>because black folk don't believe in getting counseling. Actually, I
>>>was in therapy when I was in the city. Thanks for the prayers, hug and
>>>love.
>>>
>>>Danielle
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>On 5/29/15, River Linda via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>Danielle,
>>>>Big hug and love to you.
>>>>
>>>>On Friday, May 29, 2015, Ray Foret Jr via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>Well, Danielle, it sounds to me like you've had this huge pile-on
>>>>>building
>>>>>and building and building up for quite a while now.  Frankly, it seems
>>>>> to
>>>>>me like there are a number of unresolved issues between you and your
>>>>>family:  but, the long and the short of it feels like this.  You are
>>>>>totally blind, and, your family, despite your best efforts, doesn't
>>>>>really
>>>>>think of you as even a normal person but just some pitiful poor blind
>>>>>girl
>>>>>to be looked after and pitied and felt sorry for and not let do
>>>>> anything.
>>>>>Some sighted people feel this way too, believe it or not.  So, it's not
>>>>>necessarily a blindness thing:  but, in your case, and given the
>>>>> context
>>>>>of
>>>>>your remarks, it sure sounds like that in your case, it might be
>>>>>blindness
>>>>>caused.  It also seems to me that you haven't just sat there and let it
>>>>>build up:  but rather, that you have made every effort after effort to
>>>>>make
>>>>>a difference:  but now, most recently, something has happened that has
>>>>>caused you either to snap or else feel like you want to.  Have I
>>>>> figured
>>>>>it
>>>>>out about right?  Danelle, I wish I had a specific answer to all the
>>>>>things
>>>>>you say:  but, I suspect that some of the blind women on this list
>>>>> might
>>>>>be
>>>>>able to help you better with the specific items you list off.  I merely
>>>>>enter here because I am concerned, and wanted to lend what moral
>>>>> support
>>>>>I
>>>>>can to a fellow blind person who, it seems to me, is on the edge of
>>>>>breaking.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Sincerely,
>>>>>The Constantly Barefooted Ray
>>>>>
>>>>>Still a happy Mac, Verizon Wireless iPhone 6+ and Apple TV user!
>>>>>
>>>>>Sent from my Mac,
>>>>>the only computer with full accessibility for the blind built-in
>>>>>
>>>>> > On May 29, 2015, at 2:22 PM, Danielle Antoine via blindtlk <
>>>>>blindtlk at nfbnet.org <javascript:;>> wrote:
>>>>> >
>>>>> > I just cannot stand it when somebody say you can do something then
>>>>> > let
>>>>> > somebody else do it or just prevent you from doing so. Most often,
>>>>> > it's always what I'm doing. Like for instance, my brother and sister
>>>>> > didn't have jobs wasn't looking for jobs until I started. Well bless
>>>>> > God Hallallujah, thank you Jesus, they both got jobs while I'm still
>>>>> > sitting at home. In fact, it cost me more because they have
>>>>> > transporation and drive whereas, I don't have those luxuries and
>>>>> > where
>>>>> > Im located it's really not feasible for me to work even if I was in
>>>>> > optimal health. Anyway, my sister followed through with the apps I
>>>>> > got
>>>>> > for her and my brother didn't and my mom allowed it; they both got
>>>>> > hired through someone else's efforts in the end. I hoe they keep
>>>>> > their
>>>>> > jobs this time! They both are lucky and have no problems getting
>>>>> > hired
>>>>> > with minimal effort! I have a lot of time on my hands so can devote
>>>>> > to
>>>>> > a few mmindless things that don't require me to think so hard or use
>>>>> > much energy. So, why all this unnecessary stress and aggravation.
>>>>> > For
>>>>> > my blind parents, how do you go about picking baby gear on your own?
>>>>> > I
>>>>> > lost my babies oh about a couple of months ago and my other prior
>>>>> > three children live with their father. but I had gotten the okay
>>>>> > from
>>>>> > a couple of friends prior to all this to document pattern
>>>>> > descriptions
>>>>> > and everytime I start I can never get very far do to computer
>>>>> > breakage, stealing of software, hacking and such through no fault of
>>>>> > my own. As we all know, our technology is expensive and can not
>>>>> > easily
>>>>> > be replaced in a day or so. Even whene we fix one thing such as the
>>>>> > laptop or desktop, we still need to install a screen reader, and now
>>>>> > MS Office since it is now not standard and if you have scanning
>>>>> > software so it is not off the shelf ready to rock and roll. I am on
>>>>> > SSI only. Believe me, this has to be somebody sighted who wouldn't
>>>>> > want this job if they had it but I am happy to do it. I really
>>>>> > started
>>>>> > doing this out of sheer frustration. Since my niece came along, the
>>>>> > adults in her life started buying everything with like characters
>>>>> > and
>>>>> > such when it would've made mor sense for them to buy colored stuff.
>>>>> > Like for real people! They can see things like, tangerine, gold,
>>>>> > Everest, purple, onyx, Paisley, Fuschia, Bromley, Go Green, Cameron,
>>>>> > Saturn, Cowmooflage  and such like that. I mean, really what does
>>>>> > that
>>>>> > mean to a total who has never seen colors or seen them clear enough
>>>>> > in
>>>>> > their life? Those are just examples of pattern names And colors
>>>>> > which
>>>>> > they can esily coordinate accordingly rather than snatching up any
>>>>> > and
>>>>> > everything. My sister knew she was having  a girl and instead she
>>>>> > got
>>>>> > neutral stuff as well. what ever happened to commonsense, courtesy,
>>>>> > consideration, feelings, and boundaries? My mom denied my pregnancy
>>>>> > though so I hope she is happy with my loss on top of me being unable
>>>>> > to honor the visitation agreement with my children since she and my
>>>>> > ex
>>>>> > have serious beef! I should also mention ther have been about 10
>>>>> > babies in total born since she has and that is what so angers me
>>>>> > even
>>>>> > more. Also, most of her things relate back to my own teenage and
>>>>> > preteen's likes. In fact, my mom bought the exact same car seat I
>>>>> > had
>>>>> > bought for my first son with a zoo theme! I should say that my
>>>>> > sister
>>>>> > was in jail but she knew what she was having before she went in and
>>>>> > did not prepare. So about a month before my niece's arrival I
>>>>> > started
>>>>> > looking at gear and stuff for her. I had planned to buy everything
>>>>> > she
>>>>> > needed since I had saved a little money up, to take the worry from
>>>>> > her
>>>>> > and my mom who I was sure going fo likely get her and at the time
>>>>> > was
>>>>> > talking about moving to where we are now with more space for my
>>>>> > sisters kids. Of course, I was looking at sex appropriate things for
>>>>> > her from the diaper bag to the crib to a few toys and washcloths. I
>>>>> > figure when its coming out of someone else's pocket it shouldn't
>>>>> > matter thow much it cost since you didn't have nothing anyway. At
>>>>> > that
>>>>> > time, I wasn't expecting.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > _______________________________________________
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