[Blindtlk] Just Venting!

[Danielle Antoine]

Mostly out here, if you don't drive your option is a cab if not family
and friends. Pretty much everybody works around here and it's about 20
minutes to town so I am on my own. The places I have lived with family
and friends since the divorce have been rural so transportation is
always an issue. Even checking the papes most of the places available
to rent appear to be rural and you need first month's rent and
deposit. I could get that in a couple of monts or four time but then I
have to have extra to sustain. Any ideas?I guess I'll keep trying w

On 5/30/15, Danielle Antoine <singingmywayin at gmail.com> wrote:
> Continuing on. Excuse the typos and lack of punctuation the last
> message. NVDa went somewhere else and was silent whenever I would
> arrowup, down, left or right so couldn't correct. So what I would need
> is continuous, dependable cash, support, my own children tliving with
> me, fully functioning dependable technology, and dependable
> transportation that wouldn't cost me so much and a lack of negative
> interference and lies.
>
> Danielle
> P.S I have beneifted from the government phone as well in the past. I
> now still have a prepaid phone.
>
> On 5/30/15, Danielle Antoine <singingmywayin at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Oh and thanks Ray. You know but it seems even everybody is  to the
>> point of breaking How convenient. It is all a big act erm, race
>> competition to see who can receive help or the most helpor and
>> recognition or to get out of wrongdoing. You know like verybody wanna
>> plead insanity toget out of making restitution for wrongdoing and pass
>> the blame and responsibility to others no apologies necessary. That's
>> what it all seems like to me. I am done leading with my heart! People
>> are quick to take advantage that way. Peaople who really needhelp
>> can't get it because somebody else who don't has beat them to the
>> punch.
>>
>> Judy, the answer is no. I had a plan and was working towards
>> independence again and that got shot to hell. I mean after I got on
>> SSI, I applied for Food Stamps which I had until the courts gave
>> custody to my ex. Then, instead of decreasing me they automatically
>> cut me off.
>> Meanwhile, I had applied for, with the help of my sister and got a job
>> substitute teaching but didn't have ransportation going back and
>> forth, was living with another friend for a while but wsh suddenly
>> acted like I was a burden before I ever got another call. I missed the
>> first call because I had a prepaid phone and didn't have any minutes
>> on the phone when the call came through. While living with that friend
>> I got a list of low--income housing and went down the list for a
>> second time and applied to all the apartments I could, but only got
>> responses from one particular complex in my mother's name. I corrected
>> the letter and told them yes I was interested and never heard from
>> them again. Mind you I said second time because the first time I had
>> done this when I had my kids with me and I also had gotten a housing
>> voucher. I ended up losing my voucher because I had to move from my
>> aunt's house since my ex would not follow the visitation rules and
>> would pick up the children from school and drop them off periodically
>> and my aunt became scared which lead to falling out. Now when I
>> checked the last time the housing voucher list is closed as usual as
>> it was in Baton rouge when I left. I have put in some applications at
>> a nursing home here, a grocery store, the movie theater, and the
>> school system as a bus assistant but haven't heard from them which I
>> am not necessarily complaining about at this point because I have
>> stiff joints and fatigue often but I don't have enough money saved up
>> to travel everyday. My plan was to try and put an ad in the paper for
>> a driver if I got called for interview I could do the bus assistant
>> because they would be able to puck me up. I had an app for Teacher
>> Assistant as we which would work with the bus but that was stolen
>> twice. So, at this point I am broke and broken
>>
>> Danielle
>>
>> On 5/30/15, Carly Mihalakis via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> Good morning, Danielle,
>>>
>>> What a racket!
>>>
>>> Seems to me, you could be far too invested in, as I like to think of
>>> them, have been within my own experience, those animate paper weights
>>> every body seems so edgy over. What has worked for me is to utilize
>>> the comput for all the things you named I.E. getting travel
>>> instructions and relevant spellings, restaurant menus E-mail and the
>>> like but for me, no social media, no games, only cursory internet
>>> searches but I believe people particularly blind people are duped
>>> into believing they need all this shit when, if you just try letting
>>> the stuff you don't absolutely need, such as social media, go until
>>> such time that you come to terms with your relationship with the role
>>> of tech within your personal experience?
>>> Of course, this is what has worked for me, you might be like a really
>>> dedicated social mediite?
>>>   Car
>>>
>>> 11 PM 5/29/2015, Judy Jones via blindtlk wrote:
>>>>What would it take for you to get out on your own.  Have you
>>>>developed a step by step plan?
>>>>
>>>>Judy
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>-----Original Message----- From: Danielle Antoine via blindtlk
>>>>Sent: Friday, May 29, 2015 5:32 PM
>>>>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>Cc: Danielle Antoine
>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Just Venting!
>>>>
>>>>I'm alright but I have had it! I just wanna leave. No more games, no
>>>>more appeasements, no more peacekeeping efforts on my part, no more
>>>>acting like it's all okay because it's not. Just wanna be on my own
>>>>again
>>>>! I don't need help if it's not the way I need it! I'll be able to
>>>>recover easier once I'm in charge of my own life in my own space.
>>>>
>>>>Alanna, yeah I know I have my own issues to resolve and that is why I
>>>>write albeit usually in my space. Problem is, all my spaces keep
>>>>getting taken away with computers always never functioning properly in
>>>>this way or that. Somebody is repeatedly breaking into my computers
>>>>and everybody else act like either they don't know who it is and
>>>>refuse to make them stop or report them, or it does NOT matter because
>>>>they all have Apple phones and Androids and don't seem to EVER get
>>>>targeted. Frankly, I wwent to post brief ness on FB about it only to
>>>>find FB is acting up and I can't post. The rest of my blind friends
>>>>don't have these repeated computer problems and it is too the point
>>>>where Windows has even gotten restricted in some places like I can't
>>>>even access the start menu and I just paid $345 less than a month ago
>>>>to fix this computer, $219 the month before to fix a desktop but I
>>>>have no speech on it right now or place to set it up, and I have one
>>>>more yet to go. I had to use MS Office on one that was zapped and
>>>>suddenly couldn't get on the Internet after I just bought a wireless
>>>>Hot Spot card. It wasn't accessible for me and luckily the company
>>>>discontinued it for me. I thought once they switched providers over
>>>>hear all this would stop. Now I have to decide to buy another battery
>>>>and charger for it or try to get Office Depot to put MS Office 2013 on
>>>>this one, which I bought and is supposedly on that desktop. You know
>>>>now it don't come on a CD-rom but a card with download instructions.
>>>>Who can do much of anything without a word processor? This delays me
>>>>though and I lost months and months of work wich I won't be able to
>>>>retrieve unless I spend money on a battery and charger for a dinosaur
>>>>as they say which is only 8 years old but totally in working order
>>>>until........one fateful day.....today. They suddenl froze up and went
>>>>black after I tried to make changes to NVDA. That's not including the
>>>>$100 in transportation costs to drop off and retrieve them. Anyway I
>>>>end up losing everything I have saved to the hard drives because it's
>>>>always an Optimize and Restore order. Makes me wonder if their isn't a
>>>>key of mine giving access to my computer out there. It all started
>>>>once I divorced my ex and gradually got worse. Rather, he filed for
>>>>divorce 5 years ago and made out like a bandit. That old you can't
>>>>prove it cause your blind bit. Not passing blame but I can't figure
>>>>where this is originating and want it to stop! These are not fun games
>>>>to be playing with me. I don't know how I could possibly be safe by
>>>>being shut down. It's gambling. Why do I need a computer? Simply put,
>>>>to function. Communicate with the outside world, to get information,
>>>>to job hunt, read mail, pay bills, for entertainment as in plaing fun,
>>>>free harmless games for worthless points, to learn, work, keep up with
>>>>latest trends inside and outside of the blindness community, get
>>>>addresses so I can plan my cab trips, look up spellings of certain
>>>>words and anames, keep up with my children, shop, etc. It's just
>>>>senseless violence and passive aggression. I do agree about the
>>>>individual and family therapy but that likely will never happened
>>>>because black folk don't believe in getting counseling. Actually, I
>>>>was in therapy when I was in the city. Thanks for the prayers, hug and
>>>>love.
>>>>
>>>>Danielle
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>On 5/29/15, River Linda via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>>Danielle,
>>>>>Big hug and love to you.
>>>>>
>>>>>On Friday, May 29, 2015, Ray Foret Jr via blindtlk
>>>>> <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>>Well, Danielle, it sounds to me like you've had this huge pile-on
>>>>>>building
>>>>>>and building and building up for quite a while now.  Frankly, it seems
>>>>>> to
>>>>>>me like there are a number of unresolved issues between you and your
>>>>>>family:  but, the long and the short of it feels like this.  You are
>>>>>>totally blind, and, your family, despite your best efforts, doesn't
>>>>>>really
>>>>>>think of you as even a normal person but just some pitiful poor blind
>>>>>>girl
>>>>>>to be looked after and pitied and felt sorry for and not let do
>>>>>> anything.
>>>>>>Some sighted people feel this way too, believe it or not.  So, it's
>>>>>> not
>>>>>>necessarily a blindness thing:  but, in your case, and given the
>>>>>> context
>>>>>>of
>>>>>>your remarks, it sure sounds like that in your case, it might be
>>>>>>blindness
>>>>>>caused.  It also seems to me that you haven't just sat there and let
>>>>>> it
>>>>>>build up:  but rather, that you have made every effort after effort to
>>>>>>make
>>>>>>a difference:  but now, most recently, something has happened that has
>>>>>>caused you either to snap or else feel like you want to.  Have I
>>>>>> figured
>>>>>>it
>>>>>>out about right?  Danelle, I wish I had a specific answer to all the
>>>>>>things
>>>>>>you say:  but, I suspect that some of the blind women on this list
>>>>>> might
>>>>>>be
>>>>>>able to help you better with the specific items you list off.  I
>>>>>> merely
>>>>>>enter here because I am concerned, and wanted to lend what moral
>>>>>> support
>>>>>>I
>>>>>>can to a fellow blind person who, it seems to me, is on the edge of
>>>>>>breaking.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Sincerely,
>>>>>>The Constantly Barefooted Ray
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Still a happy Mac, Verizon Wireless iPhone 6+ and Apple TV user!
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Sent from my Mac,
>>>>>>the only computer with full accessibility for the blind built-in
>>>>>>
>>>>>> > On May 29, 2015, at 2:22 PM, Danielle Antoine via blindtlk <
>>>>>>blindtlk at nfbnet.org <javascript:;>> wrote:
>>>>>> >
>>>>>> > I just cannot stand it when somebody say you can do something then
>>>>>> > let
>>>>>> > somebody else do it or just prevent you from doing so. Most often,
>>>>>> > it's always what I'm doing. Like for instance, my brother and
>>>>>> > sister
>>>>>> > didn't have jobs wasn't looking for jobs until I started. Well
>>>>>> > bless
>>>>>> > God Hallallujah, thank you Jesus, they both got jobs while I'm
>>>>>> > still
>>>>>> > sitting at home. In fact, it cost me more because they have
>>>>>> > transporation and drive whereas, I don't have those luxuries and
>>>>>> > where
>>>>>> > Im located it's really not feasible for me to work even if I was in
>>>>>> > optimal health. Anyway, my sister followed through with the apps I
>>>>>> > got
>>>>>> > for her and my brother didn't and my mom allowed it; they both got
>>>>>> > hired through someone else's efforts in the end. I hoe they keep
>>>>>> > their
>>>>>> > jobs this time! They both are lucky and have no problems getting
>>>>>> > hired
>>>>>> > with minimal effort! I have a lot of time on my hands so can devote
>>>>>> > to
>>>>>> > a few mmindless things that don't require me to think so hard or
>>>>>> > use
>>>>>> > much energy. So, why all this unnecessary stress and aggravation.
>>>>>> > For
>>>>>> > my blind parents, how do you go about picking baby gear on your
>>>>>> > own?
>>>>>> > I
>>>>>> > lost my babies oh about a couple of months ago and my other prior
>>>>>> > three children live with their father. but I had gotten the okay
>>>>>> > from
>>>>>> > a couple of friends prior to all this to document pattern
>>>>>> > descriptions
>>>>>> > and everytime I start I can never get very far do to computer
>>>>>> > breakage, stealing of software, hacking and such through no fault
>>>>>> > of
>>>>>> > my own. As we all know, our technology is expensive and can not
>>>>>> > easily
>>>>>> > be replaced in a day or so. Even whene we fix one thing such as the
>>>>>> > laptop or desktop, we still need to install a screen reader, and
>>>>>> > now
>>>>>> > MS Office since it is now not standard and if you have scanning
>>>>>> > software so it is not off the shelf ready to rock and roll. I am on
>>>>>> > SSI only. Believe me, this has to be somebody sighted who wouldn't
>>>>>> > want this job if they had it but I am happy to do it. I really
>>>>>> > started
>>>>>> > doing this out of sheer frustration. Since my niece came along, the
>>>>>> > adults in her life started buying everything with like characters
>>>>>> > and
>>>>>> > such when it would've made mor sense for them to buy colored stuff.
>>>>>> > Like for real people! They can see things like, tangerine, gold,
>>>>>> > Everest, purple, onyx, Paisley, Fuschia, Bromley, Go Green,
>>>>>> > Cameron,
>>>>>> > Saturn, Cowmooflage  and such like that. I mean, really what does
>>>>>> > that
>>>>>> > mean to a total who has never seen colors or seen them clear enough
>>>>>> > in
>>>>>> > their life? Those are just examples of pattern names And colors
>>>>>> > which
>>>>>> > they can esily coordinate accordingly rather than snatching up any
>>>>>> > and
>>>>>> > everything. My sister knew she was having  a girl and instead she
>>>>>> > got
>>>>>> > neutral stuff as well. what ever happened to commonsense, courtesy,
>>>>>> > consideration, feelings, and boundaries? My mom denied my pregnancy
>>>>>> > though so I hope she is happy with my loss on top of me being
>>>>>> > unable
>>>>>> > to honor the visitation agreement with my children since she and my
>>>>>> > ex
>>>>>> > have serious beef! I should also mention ther have been about 10
>>>>>> > babies in total born since she has and that is what so angers me
>>>>>> > even
>>>>>> > more. Also, most of her things relate back to my own teenage and
>>>>>> > preteen's likes. In fact, my mom bought the exact same car seat I
>>>>>> > had
>>>>>> > bought for my first son with a zoo theme! I should say that my
>>>>>> > sister
>>>>>> > was in jail but she knew what she was having before she went in and
>>>>>> > did not prepare. So about a month before my niece's arrival I
>>>>>> > started
>>>>>> > looking at gear and stuff for her. I had planned to buy everything
>>>>>> > she
>>>>>> > needed since I had saved a little money up, to take the worry from
>>>>>> > her
>>>>>> > and my mom who I was sure going fo likely get her and at the time
>>>>>> > was
>>>>>> > talking about moving to where we are now with more space for my
>>>>>> > sisters kids. Of course, I was looking at sex appropriate things
>>>>>> > for
>>>>>> > her from the diaper bag to the crib to a few toys and washcloths. I
>>>>>> > figure when its coming out of someone else's pocket it shouldn't
>>>>>> > matter thow much it cost since you didn't have nothing anyway. At
>>>>>> > that
>>>>>> > time, I wasn't expecting.
>>>>>> >
>>>>>> > _______________________________________________
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>