[Blindtlk] Just Venting!

[Danielle Antoine]

I'll keep trying with the government help.

On 5/30/15, Danielle Antoine <singingmywayin at gmail.com> wrote:
> Mostly out here, if you don't drive your option is a cab if not family
> and friends. Pretty much everybody works around here and it's about 20
> minutes to town so I am on my own. The places I have lived with family
> and friends since the divorce have been rural so transportation is
> always an issue. Even checking the papes most of the places available
> to rent appear to be rural and you need first month's rent and
> deposit. I could get that in a couple of monts or four time but then I
> have to have extra to sustain. Any ideas?I guess I'll keep trying w
>
> On 5/30/15, Danielle Antoine <singingmywayin at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Continuing on. Excuse the typos and lack of punctuation the last
>> message. NVDa went somewhere else and was silent whenever I would
>> arrowup, down, left or right so couldn't correct. So what I would need
>> is continuous, dependable cash, support, my own children tliving with
>> me, fully functioning dependable technology, and dependable
>> transportation that wouldn't cost me so much and a lack of negative
>> interference and lies.
>>
>> Danielle
>> P.S I have beneifted from the government phone as well in the past. I
>> now still have a prepaid phone.
>>
>> On 5/30/15, Danielle Antoine <singingmywayin at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Oh and thanks Ray. You know but it seems even everybody is  to the
>>> point of breaking How convenient. It is all a big act erm, race
>>> competition to see who can receive help or the most helpor and
>>> recognition or to get out of wrongdoing. You know like verybody wanna
>>> plead insanity toget out of making restitution for wrongdoing and pass
>>> the blame and responsibility to others no apologies necessary. That's
>>> what it all seems like to me. I am done leading with my heart! People
>>> are quick to take advantage that way. Peaople who really needhelp
>>> can't get it because somebody else who don't has beat them to the
>>> punch.
>>>
>>> Judy, the answer is no. I had a plan and was working towards
>>> independence again and that got shot to hell. I mean after I got on
>>> SSI, I applied for Food Stamps which I had until the courts gave
>>> custody to my ex. Then, instead of decreasing me they automatically
>>> cut me off.
>>> Meanwhile, I had applied for, with the help of my sister and got a job
>>> substitute teaching but didn't have ransportation going back and
>>> forth, was living with another friend for a while but wsh suddenly
>>> acted like I was a burden before I ever got another call. I missed the
>>> first call because I had a prepaid phone and didn't have any minutes
>>> on the phone when the call came through. While living with that friend
>>> I got a list of low--income housing and went down the list for a
>>> second time and applied to all the apartments I could, but only got
>>> responses from one particular complex in my mother's name. I corrected
>>> the letter and told them yes I was interested and never heard from
>>> them again. Mind you I said second time because the first time I had
>>> done this when I had my kids with me and I also had gotten a housing
>>> voucher. I ended up losing my voucher because I had to move from my
>>> aunt's house since my ex would not follow the visitation rules and
>>> would pick up the children from school and drop them off periodically
>>> and my aunt became scared which lead to falling out. Now when I
>>> checked the last time the housing voucher list is closed as usual as
>>> it was in Baton rouge when I left. I have put in some applications at
>>> a nursing home here, a grocery store, the movie theater, and the
>>> school system as a bus assistant but haven't heard from them which I
>>> am not necessarily complaining about at this point because I have
>>> stiff joints and fatigue often but I don't have enough money saved up
>>> to travel everyday. My plan was to try and put an ad in the paper for
>>> a driver if I got called for interview I could do the bus assistant
>>> because they would be able to puck me up. I had an app for Teacher
>>> Assistant as we which would work with the bus but that was stolen
>>> twice. So, at this point I am broke and broken
>>>
>>> Danielle
>>>
>>> On 5/30/15, Carly Mihalakis via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>> Good morning, Danielle,
>>>>
>>>> What a racket!
>>>>
>>>> Seems to me, you could be far too invested in, as I like to think of
>>>> them, have been within my own experience, those animate paper weights
>>>> every body seems so edgy over. What has worked for me is to utilize
>>>> the comput for all the things you named I.E. getting travel
>>>> instructions and relevant spellings, restaurant menus E-mail and the
>>>> like but for me, no social media, no games, only cursory internet
>>>> searches but I believe people particularly blind people are duped
>>>> into believing they need all this shit when, if you just try letting
>>>> the stuff you don't absolutely need, such as social media, go until
>>>> such time that you come to terms with your relationship with the role
>>>> of tech within your personal experience?
>>>> Of course, this is what has worked for me, you might be like a really
>>>> dedicated social mediite?
>>>>   Car
>>>>
>>>> 11 PM 5/29/2015, Judy Jones via blindtlk wrote:
>>>>>What would it take for you to get out on your own.  Have you
>>>>>developed a step by step plan?
>>>>>
>>>>>Judy
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>-----Original Message----- From: Danielle Antoine via blindtlk
>>>>>Sent: Friday, May 29, 2015 5:32 PM
>>>>>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>>Cc: Danielle Antoine
>>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Just Venting!
>>>>>
>>>>>I'm alright but I have had it! I just wanna leave. No more games, no
>>>>>more appeasements, no more peacekeeping efforts on my part, no more
>>>>>acting like it's all okay because it's not. Just wanna be on my own
>>>>>again
>>>>>! I don't need help if it's not the way I need it! I'll be able to
>>>>>recover easier once I'm in charge of my own life in my own space.
>>>>>
>>>>>Alanna, yeah I know I have my own issues to resolve and that is why I
>>>>>write albeit usually in my space. Problem is, all my spaces keep
>>>>>getting taken away with computers always never functioning properly in
>>>>>this way or that. Somebody is repeatedly breaking into my computers
>>>>>and everybody else act like either they don't know who it is and
>>>>>refuse to make them stop or report them, or it does NOT matter because
>>>>>they all have Apple phones and Androids and don't seem to EVER get
>>>>>targeted. Frankly, I wwent to post brief ness on FB about it only to
>>>>>find FB is acting up and I can't post. The rest of my blind friends
>>>>>don't have these repeated computer problems and it is too the point
>>>>>where Windows has even gotten restricted in some places like I can't
>>>>>even access the start menu and I just paid $345 less than a month ago
>>>>>to fix this computer, $219 the month before to fix a desktop but I
>>>>>have no speech on it right now or place to set it up, and I have one
>>>>>more yet to go. I had to use MS Office on one that was zapped and
>>>>>suddenly couldn't get on the Internet after I just bought a wireless
>>>>>Hot Spot card. It wasn't accessible for me and luckily the company
>>>>>discontinued it for me. I thought once they switched providers over
>>>>>hear all this would stop. Now I have to decide to buy another battery
>>>>>and charger for it or try to get Office Depot to put MS Office 2013 on
>>>>>this one, which I bought and is supposedly on that desktop. You know
>>>>>now it don't come on a CD-rom but a card with download instructions.
>>>>>Who can do much of anything without a word processor? This delays me
>>>>>though and I lost months and months of work wich I won't be able to
>>>>>retrieve unless I spend money on a battery and charger for a dinosaur
>>>>>as they say which is only 8 years old but totally in working order
>>>>>until........one fateful day.....today. They suddenl froze up and went
>>>>>black after I tried to make changes to NVDA. That's not including the
>>>>>$100 in transportation costs to drop off and retrieve them. Anyway I
>>>>>end up losing everything I have saved to the hard drives because it's
>>>>>always an Optimize and Restore order. Makes me wonder if their isn't a
>>>>>key of mine giving access to my computer out there. It all started
>>>>>once I divorced my ex and gradually got worse. Rather, he filed for
>>>>>divorce 5 years ago and made out like a bandit. That old you can't
>>>>>prove it cause your blind bit. Not passing blame but I can't figure
>>>>>where this is originating and want it to stop! These are not fun games
>>>>>to be playing with me. I don't know how I could possibly be safe by
>>>>>being shut down. It's gambling. Why do I need a computer? Simply put,
>>>>>to function. Communicate with the outside world, to get information,
>>>>>to job hunt, read mail, pay bills, for entertainment as in plaing fun,
>>>>>free harmless games for worthless points, to learn, work, keep up with
>>>>>latest trends inside and outside of the blindness community, get
>>>>>addresses so I can plan my cab trips, look up spellings of certain
>>>>>words and anames, keep up with my children, shop, etc. It's just
>>>>>senseless violence and passive aggression. I do agree about the
>>>>>individual and family therapy but that likely will never happened
>>>>>because black folk don't believe in getting counseling. Actually, I
>>>>>was in therapy when I was in the city. Thanks for the prayers, hug and
>>>>>love.
>>>>>
>>>>>Danielle
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>On 5/29/15, River Linda via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>>>Danielle,
>>>>>>Big hug and love to you.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>On Friday, May 29, 2015, Ray Foret Jr via blindtlk
>>>>>> <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Well, Danielle, it sounds to me like you've had this huge pile-on
>>>>>>>building
>>>>>>>and building and building up for quite a while now.  Frankly, it
>>>>>>> seems
>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>me like there are a number of unresolved issues between you and your
>>>>>>>family:  but, the long and the short of it feels like this.  You are
>>>>>>>totally blind, and, your family, despite your best efforts, doesn't
>>>>>>>really
>>>>>>>think of you as even a normal person but just some pitiful poor blind
>>>>>>>girl
>>>>>>>to be looked after and pitied and felt sorry for and not let do
>>>>>>> anything.
>>>>>>>Some sighted people feel this way too, believe it or not.  So, it's
>>>>>>> not
>>>>>>>necessarily a blindness thing:  but, in your case, and given the
>>>>>>> context
>>>>>>>of
>>>>>>>your remarks, it sure sounds like that in your case, it might be
>>>>>>>blindness
>>>>>>>caused.  It also seems to me that you haven't just sat there and let
>>>>>>> it
>>>>>>>build up:  but rather, that you have made every effort after effort
>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>make
>>>>>>>a difference:  but now, most recently, something has happened that
>>>>>>> has
>>>>>>>caused you either to snap or else feel like you want to.  Have I
>>>>>>> figured
>>>>>>>it
>>>>>>>out about right?  Danelle, I wish I had a specific answer to all the
>>>>>>>things
>>>>>>>you say:  but, I suspect that some of the blind women on this list
>>>>>>> might
>>>>>>>be
>>>>>>>able to help you better with the specific items you list off.  I
>>>>>>> merely
>>>>>>>enter here because I am concerned, and wanted to lend what moral
>>>>>>> support
>>>>>>>I
>>>>>>>can to a fellow blind person who, it seems to me, is on the edge of
>>>>>>>breaking.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Sincerely,
>>>>>>>The Constantly Barefooted Ray
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Still a happy Mac, Verizon Wireless iPhone 6+ and Apple TV user!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Sent from my Mac,
>>>>>>>the only computer with full accessibility for the blind built-in
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> > On May 29, 2015, at 2:22 PM, Danielle Antoine via blindtlk <
>>>>>>>blindtlk at nfbnet.org <javascript:;>> wrote:
>>>>>>> >
>>>>>>> > I just cannot stand it when somebody say you can do something then
>>>>>>> > let
>>>>>>> > somebody else do it or just prevent you from doing so. Most often,
>>>>>>> > it's always what I'm doing. Like for instance, my brother and
>>>>>>> > sister
>>>>>>> > didn't have jobs wasn't looking for jobs until I started. Well
>>>>>>> > bless
>>>>>>> > God Hallallujah, thank you Jesus, they both got jobs while I'm
>>>>>>> > still
>>>>>>> > sitting at home. In fact, it cost me more because they have
>>>>>>> > transporation and drive whereas, I don't have those luxuries and
>>>>>>> > where
>>>>>>> > Im located it's really not feasible for me to work even if I was
>>>>>>> > in
>>>>>>> > optimal health. Anyway, my sister followed through with the apps I
>>>>>>> > got
>>>>>>> > for her and my brother didn't and my mom allowed it; they both got
>>>>>>> > hired through someone else's efforts in the end. I hoe they keep
>>>>>>> > their
>>>>>>> > jobs this time! They both are lucky and have no problems getting
>>>>>>> > hired
>>>>>>> > with minimal effort! I have a lot of time on my hands so can
>>>>>>> > devote
>>>>>>> > to
>>>>>>> > a few mmindless things that don't require me to think so hard or
>>>>>>> > use
>>>>>>> > much energy. So, why all this unnecessary stress and aggravation.
>>>>>>> > For
>>>>>>> > my blind parents, how do you go about picking baby gear on your
>>>>>>> > own?
>>>>>>> > I
>>>>>>> > lost my babies oh about a couple of months ago and my other prior
>>>>>>> > three children live with their father. but I had gotten the okay
>>>>>>> > from
>>>>>>> > a couple of friends prior to all this to document pattern
>>>>>>> > descriptions
>>>>>>> > and everytime I start I can never get very far do to computer
>>>>>>> > breakage, stealing of software, hacking and such through no fault
>>>>>>> > of
>>>>>>> > my own. As we all know, our technology is expensive and can not
>>>>>>> > easily
>>>>>>> > be replaced in a day or so. Even whene we fix one thing such as
>>>>>>> > the
>>>>>>> > laptop or desktop, we still need to install a screen reader, and
>>>>>>> > now
>>>>>>> > MS Office since it is now not standard and if you have scanning
>>>>>>> > software so it is not off the shelf ready to rock and roll. I am
>>>>>>> > on
>>>>>>> > SSI only. Believe me, this has to be somebody sighted who wouldn't
>>>>>>> > want this job if they had it but I am happy to do it. I really
>>>>>>> > started
>>>>>>> > doing this out of sheer frustration. Since my niece came along,
>>>>>>> > the
>>>>>>> > adults in her life started buying everything with like characters
>>>>>>> > and
>>>>>>> > such when it would've made mor sense for them to buy colored
>>>>>>> > stuff.
>>>>>>> > Like for real people! They can see things like, tangerine, gold,
>>>>>>> > Everest, purple, onyx, Paisley, Fuschia, Bromley, Go Green,
>>>>>>> > Cameron,
>>>>>>> > Saturn, Cowmooflage  and such like that. I mean, really what does
>>>>>>> > that
>>>>>>> > mean to a total who has never seen colors or seen them clear
>>>>>>> > enough
>>>>>>> > in
>>>>>>> > their life? Those are just examples of pattern names And colors
>>>>>>> > which
>>>>>>> > they can esily coordinate accordingly rather than snatching up any
>>>>>>> > and
>>>>>>> > everything. My sister knew she was having  a girl and instead she
>>>>>>> > got
>>>>>>> > neutral stuff as well. what ever happened to commonsense,
>>>>>>> > courtesy,
>>>>>>> > consideration, feelings, and boundaries? My mom denied my
>>>>>>> > pregnancy
>>>>>>> > though so I hope she is happy with my loss on top of me being
>>>>>>> > unable
>>>>>>> > to honor the visitation agreement with my children since she and
>>>>>>> > my
>>>>>>> > ex
>>>>>>> > have serious beef! I should also mention ther have been about 10
>>>>>>> > babies in total born since she has and that is what so angers me
>>>>>>> > even
>>>>>>> > more. Also, most of her things relate back to my own teenage and
>>>>>>> > preteen's likes. In fact, my mom bought the exact same car seat I
>>>>>>> > had
>>>>>>> > bought for my first son with a zoo theme! I should say that my
>>>>>>> > sister
>>>>>>> > was in jail but she knew what she was having before she went in
>>>>>>> > and
>>>>>>> > did not prepare. So about a month before my niece's arrival I
>>>>>>> > started
>>>>>>> > looking at gear and stuff for her. I had planned to buy everything
>>>>>>> > she
>>>>>>> > needed since I had saved a little money up, to take the worry from
>>>>>>> > her
>>>>>>> > and my mom who I was sure going fo likely get her and at the time
>>>>>>> > was
>>>>>>> > talking about moving to where we are now with more space for my
>>>>>>> > sisters kids. Of course, I was looking at sex appropriate things
>>>>>>> > for
>>>>>>> > her from the diaper bag to the crib to a few toys and washcloths.
>>>>>>> > I
>>>>>>> > figure when its coming out of someone else's pocket it shouldn't
>>>>>>> > matter thow much it cost since you didn't have nothing anyway. At
>>>>>>> > that
>>>>>>> > time, I wasn't expecting.
>>>>>>> >
>>>>>>> > _______________________________________________
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>