[Blindtlk] An Update on my Independence

[Hyde, David W. (ESC)]

Roanna, Arielle makes some good points. Independence is when and where you find it. Mine is different from yours, and hers. I grew up expecting to do things, and didn't take no for an answer. I found most of my own solutions to problems, and had enough success with them to keep going. I used vending machines at a young age, and just accepted the fact that one plaid Russian Roulette I  making your choice of handles (yes, I'm that old) to pull. Soft drinks didn't become a problem until they came out with enclosed machines, and I could no longer open the little door and feel the tops  of bottles.
Please don't worry about those who seem to ask "What's the big deal?" When you're teaching yourself, every step is important. For example, I can and do order lunch in a cafeteria, when I can't avoid it. I hate them! I think it is a holdover from college when I had to get my tray, fill it, find a table, and then go back for liquid, and hope someone helped me find the same table again. I didn't learn to carry a tray until I was in my forties. Someone showed me and then it was "why didn't I think of that?"
Hang in there. I am enjoying your journey. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Arielle Silverman via blindtlk
Sent: Monday, October 12, 2015 7:14 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Cc: Arielle Silverman
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] An Update on my Independence

Agreed. The situation can be a lot tougher for those of us who grew up blind because we have often encountered a lifetime of "can't" messages not only from family but from well-meaning teachers, neighbors, babysiters, friends etc. Before the age of adulthood, it can be very hard to stand up to those who are officially in charge of your life as your parents and guardians. Even after adulthood commences and you are considered old enough to make your own choices, old habits and dynamics can be hard to change.
Further, when we grow up blind, we need to interact hands-on with things in order to learn how they work instead of just watching. So if we were over-protected in childhood or simply not given opportunities to do things in a hands-on way, we can often experience knowledge gaps that can interfere with independence.
I still remember how excited I was when at the age of 13, I purchased my own pack of Oreos from a vending machine for the first time. I was at a summer writing camp in a university building, and I navigated two floors downstairs by myself to find the vending machine and purchase the snack. Before then, I had never been allowed to move around by myself anywhere other than my very familiar home and school campus.
Mentoring is definitely important. I also think that for many of us, moving out of one's parents' home is the best thing for cultivating adult independence. There are many barriers to that step for some people, whether financial or due to family dynamics. I was fortunate that the expectation for me to go away to college helped me get out of my parent's home when I was 18.
Arielle