[BlindTlk] A question

[Steve Jacobson]

I'd like to take a different approach to this topic.  First, we need to recognize we're not all at the same place as has been stated.  Second, as hard as we all try, we're not going to all get to the same place for that matter.  However, one big mistake that we can make is to think that where we are now is where we have to stay.  I've been around a long time now, and I still find things that I can learn to do better as a blind person and as a person in general.

While it is a good principle for us to be as independent as we can be, there are often practical reasons for working toward that goal.  For example, if one has a steak cut up in the kitchen of a restaurant, or even if a server does it at the table, it is going to get cool much faster.  For me, it is a waste to pay good money for a steak and then have to eat part of it cold.  Any other task one can learn to do rather than depending upon a server will reduce the number of times you have to get the server involved.  Also, unless I am the only person who feels this way, any time I have to depend on someone to perform a task for me it adds uncertainty to the whole outing.  Will I get the server's attention before my food gets cold?  Will I hold everybody else up while I wait for help?  Will the server know how much of a given topping I want on my sandwich?  You get the idea, it takes away from my ability to enjoy the situation.  Then, there are situations such as college cafeterias where there are no servers as such.  I remember another blind guy who would just shout out for somebody to help him cut his meat after he sat down.  Back in those days, I felt so embarrassed to be sitting near him.  Later, though, it occurred to me how awful that must have been for him to wonder every single time he went to the cafeteria whether he would have to deal with cutting up his meat.  

Short of going out to eat more to get practice, what can we do?  One important thing is to practice some at home.  Okay, so one can't always eat steak at home to get the practice.  However, if one always puts a slice of ham or roast beef in a bun so they don't have to cut it, one can occasionally eat that slice with bread on the side and get some practice cutting.  If one tends to guide with one's fingers at home more than they are comfortable doing in a restaurant, one can practice guiding less at home.  Certainly one shouldn't turn every single meal into a lesson, but thinking of how one can feel more comfortable with tasks that are difficult by working on them at home will definitely help.  Exchanging tips can also contribute to success.  It might be surprising how many tasks can be made easier in this way.

A friend of mine once asked me, after he pointed out that I had a stain on my shirt, whether I minded him telling me about the stain.  I thought about it for a minute and then told him that yes, I did mind being told I had a stain, but I would mind it more if I found out he had not told me.  He understood what I meant and we both got a laugh out of it.  Are all of us able to be perfect at this stuff?  Of course not.  We're going to make mistakes and I've made my share.  That doesn't mean, though, that we have to settle for where we are now.  It is worth doing what we can to get more comfortable with dealing with some of this.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Hyde, David W. (ESC) via BlindTlk
Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2020 8:03 AM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Hyde, David W. (ESC) <david.hyde at wcbvi.k12.wi.us>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question

I would caution that problems with things not coming out of containers, then all at once, pouring that doesn't work, etc. are not limited to blind people. Now waitrons are sometimes more helpful than I'd like, although I have found myself in the position of trying different ways to attract their attention for more coffee, or service in a bar. I don't think I've ever requested food cut up.
We are all different. 	

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Justin Williams via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 9:55 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Justin Williams <justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question

Yeah, that is when you go home and just change everything.

That doesn't sound like a blindness thing, though.

That just sounds like their syrup was memessed up.




-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 10:43 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question

What I might do is have them put the syrup on pancakes.  One time, I went to put syrup on, and it was in a pitcher.  I poured, and nothing happened, and nothing happened, and nothing happened ... Then, plop!  The whole pitcherful of syrup came out at once all over me, the table the bench, the floor, etc.!

I had to go into the bathroom and try to clean up, and the waitress had to clean up the whole table and everything and get me a new order of pancakes, and probably everything else.  Oh man!  I give up!  I think it's time to go to bed!  I just had to correct this email.  I actually wrote "syrupful of pitcher"!  Wow!  Pam.

-----Original Message-----
From: PLipovsky via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 9:11 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
Cc: PLipovsky
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question

Now that is something I have asked my waitress to do a few times before she left the table, as I've had ketchup splatter a few times and worry about some droplets splattering on my shirt or something.


-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Kevin via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 8:29 PM
To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Cc: Kevin <kevinsisco61784 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question

It just shows you that we are all at different stages.


On 3/10/2020 6:55 PM, Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk wrote:
> This morning, when I went out to breakfast with a friend, I suddenly 
> decided I wanted to put some ketchup on my scrambled eggs and 
> homefries. So, I looked along the wall for the bottle of ketchup and 
> opened it and started trying to get it to come out on the food.  A 
> little drop did, then, it stopped.  The waitor asked why I didn't tell 
> him I wanted him to do it.  I looked at him, sort-of.  Then, he said:
> "I know, you want to be independent".  I said, "No, I just wanna be 
> me".  Personally, I never would have thought of asking. But my friend, 
> eating breakfast with me, started feeling like she had to explain to 
> me that a lot of people in my building don't know how to do things for 
> themselves.  I really didn't need to be told that, and I didn't think 
> it mattered for me.  Unfortunately, this diner is down the street from 
> a buildingful of blind people, so the public gets to see some of the 
> worst behavior.  I actually ended up having a tug-of-war with a 
> waitor, a long time ago, to get the milk pitcher and the spoon out of 
> his hand, so I could fix my own coffee before he made a mess of it.
> Most of them are getting to know enough to just bring me the coffee 
> and the milk, the way they do everybody else who is not blind.  Pam.
>
> -----Original Message----- From: PLipovsky via BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 6:27 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: PLipovsky
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question
>
> I agree unless it's really something noticeable.  It never ceases to 
> amaze me how some visually impaired folks are not taught the proper 
> manners or etiquette when growing up, such as eating with a knife and 
> fork, not with your hands, chewing your food with your mouth open, 
> etc.  parents that do this don't realize they are doing that child an 
> injustice.
>
> When I was young, my Mom cut up my food for me until one day I told 
> her I wanted to do it myself, and guess what, it wasn't that hard to 
> do.  I know some that have a restaurant cut up their food for them all 
> the time before it's brought out to the table.  I understand if a 
> person simply prefers not to do that themselves, , but I don't think 
> it present a good image of blind folks to the general public to do 
> that.  Of course, I'm pretty independent and have always been that 
> way, and do realize independence is different for everyone.
>
>
>
> be
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Kevin via 
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 3:36 PM
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Cc: Kevin <kevinsisco61784 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question
>
> It isn't easy.  If you don't know the person I would say it's best not 
> to say anything.
>
>
> On 3/10/2020 3:10 PM, Sherri via BlindTlk wrote:
>> I appreciate this conversation.  For those who have children, you 
>> know they are quick and not always so tactful about pointing out 
>> things. This particular instance refers to the table manners of a 
>> friend who was visiting.  It's a very sticky subject!  I would want 
>> to be told if my manners offended someone so I could try to change 
>> them.  I also appreciate being told if I have a shirt on that is 
>> stained, dirty or see-through.  I would much rather know than have 
>> people talk about it behind my back.  My mom was a stickler for good 
>> manners, good hygiene, etc. and I am glad she was.  My question is 
>> how do you tell someone without offending them?
>> Pat,
>> thanks for bringing this matter to our attention.
>>
>> Sherri
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>> PLipovsky via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 2:06 PM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: PLipovsky <plipovsky at cfl.rr.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question
>>
>> What I'm thinking is most people who don't know you probably won't 
>> say anything.  If they know you, depending on how well you know each 
>> other would probably determine whether or not they said anything.
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Kevin via 
>> BlindTlk
>> Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2020 1:36 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Cc: Kevin <kevinsisco61784 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] A question
>>
>> It does depend on the social skills of the person telling you.
>>
>>
>> On 3/10/2020 12:41 PM, Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk wrote:
>>> It would depend on how they told me.  In most cases, I probably 
>>> would thank them, and be glad they told me.  I was wearing a shirt 
>>> that was able to be seen through.  A person told me, and I felt 
>>> embarrassed because I didn't know, but I was grateful, and thanked 
>>> her. Now, if the person was snarky about it, depending on how, that 
>>> might make a difference in how I responded. Pam.
>>>
>>> -----Original Message----- From: PLipovsky via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Monday, March 09, 2020 8:49 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>>> Cc: PLipovsky
>>> Subject: [BlindTlk] A question
>>>
>>> Hi all.
>>>
>>> I had a discussion about this with someone the other day, and 
>>> thought I would throw it out to you to get your input..
>>>
>>> If a friend, or someone you know with vision told you there was a 
>>> stain on your shirt, or your pants were dirty or wrinkled, would you 
>>> get offended?
>>>
>>>
>>> Since I always try to look my best, especially when out in public, I 
>>> personally would welcome that, in fact, I've told people if they see 
>>> something not quite right to always let me know, as I would rather 
>>> know so I can fix it rather than go around looking sloppy.
>>>
>>> Any opinions?
>>>
>>>
>>>