[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Jude DaShiell jdashiel at panix.com
Wed Nov 18 22:00:09 UTC 2020


Hi Judy,

I'm glad that worked.

On Wed, 18 Nov 2020, Judy Jones via BlindTlk wrote:

> Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2020 14:01:39
> From: Judy Jones via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Hi, Jude,
>
> I thought about you recently when my husband and I stayed in an AirBnb that had a French press.
>
> I had thought about getting one for my husband last year for Christmas, and you told me how they worked, thank you, so I was able to make the coffee for us.
>
> Judy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Jude DaShiell via BlindTlk
> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:47 AM
> To: Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Jude DaShiell <jdashiel at panix.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> I have a magic chef microwave, a nuwave oven (old) and a 46-ounce french press along with a couple coffee grinders.  I had more earlier in life.
>
> On Wed, 18 Nov 2020, Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk wrote:
>
> > Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2020 13:11:04
> > From: Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > I don't have any cool cookware, just regular cooking stuff.  Except I
> > did buy a rice cooker.  Pam.
> >
> > -----Original Message----- From: Justin Williams via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 12:45 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> > Cc: Justin Williams
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Yes, I agree.and macaroni, I'm just givine another tactic.
> >
> > I'm also short on all the cool cookware, but I get buy.
> >
> > Again, just another tactic.
> >
> > Stoves are cool.
> >
> >
> > Justin
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
> > Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 12:32 PM
> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > But there are things that you need a stove for, as far as I know, like
> > for instance, cooking a pot of spaghetti.  My friend's family is
> > Italian, and she was never even allowed to learn to fill the pot with
> > water and put it on to boil, put the macaroni in it, and stand over it stirring until it's done.
> > Pam.
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Justin Williams via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:34 AM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> > Cc: Justin Williams
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > I've  used the stove myself, and can do so when I want.  It's not my
> > favorite thing to do.
> > I love the oven!
> >
> > Love it!
> > I use the crock pot, a blender, toaster, a bullet, and other kitchen
> > appliances I bought for mixing health shakes.
> > I can use the stove, but I find it more annoying then not because I'me
> > not someone who wants to stand there and cook.
> >
> > But, I can do it.  I am willing to adjust my routeen to not have to,
> > and I eat for health, but, I can do it.
> >
> > You can also by an instapot and or a toster oven to cook things as well.
> >
> > There are a lot of ways to do things independently.
> >
> > You don't have to use a stove, but you can and do so rather well if necessary.
> >
> > I 2012, a woman who was blind one shef of the year.
> >
> > Justin
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
> > Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:23 AM
> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Now, here's something I have never understood.  The friend I mentioned
> > who was never allowed to learn how to use the stove or the oven, had a
> > sister who was alive, then, who had a bad back.  Virginia had to get
> > out the pans and bowls and stuff for her because her sister couldn't
> > doo all the reaching and bending.  So,she had to get the stuff out,
> > get the ingredients out, put the pan in the oven take the pan out of
> > the oven.  I said to her:  "You've done everything but actually make
> > the food."  When her sister was going into the hospital, she taught her brother how to make all the food, not Virginia.
> > So now, her brother makes everything.  I remember she said, when their
> > mother died,  "Now that she can't say anything about it, you can teach me
> > how to cook."   Her sister said:  "No, just keep doing things the way you
> > have been".  She can just make coffee, make sandwiches, use the
> > toaster oven and the microwave that has a few markings on it.  And she
> > didn't learn any of that stuff until they had to teach her because
> > people started being sick, and not being able to be home, so she would
> > be alone.  Not a good way to do stuff at all!  Pam.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Judy Jones via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 9:04 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> > Cc: Judy Jones
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Hi, Ericka and Madison,
> >
> > My sister was older, but we had our chores.
> >
> > She went off to college when I was twelve, and we were living overseas.
> >
> > Mom also had a bad back, so I took on many of the chores around the
> > house, and Dad took on the rest.
> >
> > Mom was healthy and in every other respect very capable, but couldn't
> > strain the back, so I did any of the heavier lifting like carrying
> > groceries from the car, mopping and buffing the kitchen floor and shared the vacuuming with dad.
> >
> > I also did the dusting and did windows, and around age sixteen,
> > started doing a lot of the cooking, as mom went back to school.  From
> > then on, we would always take turns cooking and cleaning up.
> >
> > Judy
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via
> > BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 5:03 PM
> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > I?m the oldest of three kids. And the only one with a disability. I
> > was plenty responsible for my younger sisters. Every vacation break I
> > was mom, housekeeper, entertainer and more. Once all three of us were
> > in school Nighttime stories and putnighttime stories and put her to
> > bed because I was willing to read the book she loved over and over
> > plus I did voice is for the characters. mom went back to work. Three
> > months was a long time to keep them from getting into trouble. I?m grateful my younger siblings are both girls.
> > At least I didn?t have to do anything like change boys diapers. I did
> > get to help with my sisters when they were babies. It was kind of cool to do that.
> > My baby sister always loved it when I read
> >
> >
> > Totally apologize if something went nuts here. My finger touch the
> > screen and when you?re in mid dictate you don?t realize that he
> > interfered. LOL
> >
> > apologize fo
> > Ericka Nelson
> >
> > > On Nov 17, 2020, at 6:32 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk
> > > <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> > >
> > > I didn't think you did. I never really had to help her with
> > > anything though.
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
> > > via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: November 17, 2020 6:06 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > Correct, and I don't mean that at all negatively.
> > >
> > > I'm guessing with that age difference, you may have been responsible
> > > for her at times when growing up.
> > >
> > > My sister is five-and-a-half years older than I am.
> > >
> > >
> > > Judy
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
> > > Martin via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 3:49 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > By acting like an adult you mean?
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
> > > via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: November 17, 2020 5:00 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > O my goodness!  You should be setting the example then.
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
> > > Martin via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:56 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > Yes I'm the oldest, by 6 years.
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
> > > via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: November 17, 2020 4:46 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > I was just trying to think of things.
> > >
> > > It really would be worth talking to them.
> > >
> > > By chance, are you the oldest?
> > >
> > > I can tell you that having been a parent, sometimes, with the
> > > oldest, parents are still going through firsts.  The first to
> > > graduate from high school, etc.
> > > They're growing along with their older children, so if you are the
> > > eldest, you can set the tone, it's almost an advantage for you.
> > >
> > > You've hit milestones of graduating from high school and becoming an
> > > adult, so you will have to help them along with that, too.
> > >
> > > Judy
> > >
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
> > > Martin via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:38 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > Mom does all the cleaning except for vacuuming which Dad does. Dad
> > > does all the cooking. I'm a picky eater so I don't generally eat Dad
> > > cooks.
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
> > > via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: November 17, 2020 4:15 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > Hi, Madison,
> > >
> > > First of all, I'm sure we're all behind you on this list.
> > >
> > > One thing I have seen in common from your responses on this list and
> > > others, that when suggestions are given, they are summarily rejected.
> > >
> > > Granted, we're not in your living situation, but you need to start
> > > thinking like a problem-solver.  If any of our suggestions aren't
> > > working for you, then you will have to come up with your own
> > > solutions that will work for you.
> > >
> > > Take the problems out of the way.  You'll have to be your own
> > > problem-solver, that is what we all have had to learn to do in order
> > > to make it in life.
> > >
> > > you would need to persuade your folks by your actions maybe at
> > > first, if not by your words.  Examples.  Take on more of the
> > > cooking, or cook for yourself.  Do more of the household chores,
> > > take on more personal grooming and schedule para to go out, or
> > > anything else you can do to show them the adult you are.
> > >
> > > You've basically had a two year "break" from high school, so you
> > > should seriously look at ways of becoming more independent, and now.
> > >
> > > Talk to a CNIB counselor, talk to Mary Ellen, I can send you her
> > > information again if you need it, but get some support for what you
> > > are trying to do.
> > > You are going to have to use the resources available.  If you need
> > > it, get yourself into a center for daily living skills to equip you
> > > to be out on your own.  You've got to do this for you.
> > >
> > > Another thing a VR counselor can do is give you an interest test
> > > that may bring out some surprising positive results of interests you
> > > have you didn't realize, and can move forward with plans for your
> > > life and moving forward.
> > >
> > > It sounds like stuck at home is getting to you, and that will not
> > > change unless you take control of your situation yourself.  If any
> > > of us could wave a wand and make it happen for you, I'm sure we
> > > would love to, we all want to see our blind brothers and sisters succeed.
> > >
> > > We're here to advise and help, but you have to do the work.
> > >
> > > You have a golden time window, being a couple years out of high
> > > school, but the older you get, the harder it will be to pick up the
> > > reins of your life again, you've got to make it happen for yourself
> > > and get people behind you to support you, and this list will support
> > > you inasmuch as a listserv can.
> > >
> > > Judy
> > >
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
> > > Martin via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:18 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > I'm not sure they'd listen to me, or at least not Mom.
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
> > > via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: November 16, 2020 5:36 PM
> > > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > Another thought.
> > >
> > > Can you sit down with your folks, and discuss your need for more
> > > independence, a possible modest allowance, if you don't already have one?
> > > Your need to have your own things be yours?
> > >
> > > For about three years, our older daughter came back to the "nest,"
> > > for about five years until she got married in 2015.
> > >
> > > Chris was newly retired then, I was starting back to work, and Jada
> > > had her own job.  Of course we would have provided groceries for
> > > her, had she needed that, but she got work right away.
> > >
> > > We would share our groceries with her, and she shared some of hers
> > > with us, but we would check with each other before we ate.
> > >
> > > We also would eat sometimes at different times.  Jada, of course,
> > > could use the kitchen any time she liked anyway.
> > >
> > > One time we were talking about this, and our relationship with her
> > > at that time was more like housemates.
> > >
> > > We all had our own schedules, our own errands, our own things we
> > > did, but we also enjoyed each other's company.
> > >
> > > When trying to explain this to our younger daughter, it was hard for
> > > her to understand, because the last time she was living with us was
> > > as a minor.
> > > She started fulltime work at age eighteen, had her own place, and
> > > kept that job until she was 25.  She married at 27, and is now 30,
> > > hard to believe.
> > >
> > >
> > > Judy
> > >
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
> > > Martin via BlindTlk
> > > Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
> > > To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> > > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > > Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> > >
> > > Hi all,
> > > Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent.
> > > I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get
> > > away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest
> > > issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at
> > > each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she
> > > isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and
> > > reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie
> > > and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to
> > > nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already
> > > have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I
> > > think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told
> > > what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is
> > > very annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing
> > > our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about
> > > this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily
> > > solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope.
> > > Mom is the one that needs the most help, but we know that she
> > > wouldn't go or talk.
> > > I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if
> > > Makayla even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the
> > > right therapist.
> > > There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to
> > > move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to
> > > think that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so
> > > sure. I already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about
> > > stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go
> > > anywhere so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the
> > > less we shower the less water we use, and the less product we have
> > > to buy. As an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions
> > > even when it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm
> > > treated more like a kid then the adult that I am and should be
> > > allowed to be. Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't
> > > actually teach me how to do something. She quite often just says "If
> > > you want something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She
> > > also bugs me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also
> > > gotten really bad at just taking things without asking, mainly food.
> > > Sometimes someone buys something for themselves or for someone else
> > > (that's not her), but she just sees things and assumes she can eat
> > > or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask then chances
> > > are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she
> > > doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few
> > > months ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be
> > > kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
> > > Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she
> > > didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus
> > > the last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like
> > > any, not that I would unless it's plain.
> > > It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I
> > > don't really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to
> > > have to start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it
> > > gets to that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus
> > > she's good at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in
> > > particular chocolate.
> > > Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she
> > > says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our
> > > names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this
> > > macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her
> > > own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
> > > I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a
> > > dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there
> > > might not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at
> > > me when we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them
> > > right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
> > > I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She
> > > thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision
> > > that I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I
> > > still collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if
> > > it's too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy
> > > anything, even though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a
> > > month until either event. I do it because I worry that she won't
> > > like the look of the figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy
> > > it for me, regardless of how much I want it. Like last Christmas I
> > > asked for this particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me
> > > because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy,
> > > but the
> > > 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my
> > > money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
> > > Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent,
> > > so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
> > > Madison
> > >
> > >
> > > _______________________________________________
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> > > BlindTlk:
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> > > gm
> > > ail.co
> > > m
> > >
> > >
> > > _______________________________________________
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> > > t
> > >
> > >
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> > >
> > >
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> > >
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> > >
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> --
> United States has 633 Billionaires with only 10 doing any annual significant giving.
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United States has 633 Billionaires with only 10 doing any annual
significant giving.




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