[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Judy Jones sonshines59 at gmail.com
Wed Nov 18 19:01:39 UTC 2020


Hi, Jude,

I thought about you recently when my husband and I stayed in an AirBnb that had a French press.

I had thought about getting one for my husband last year for Christmas, and you told me how they worked, thank you, so I was able to make the coffee for us.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Jude DaShiell via BlindTlk
Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:47 AM
To: Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Jude DaShiell <jdashiel at panix.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I have a magic chef microwave, a nuwave oven (old) and a 46-ounce french press along with a couple coffee grinders.  I had more earlier in life.

On Wed, 18 Nov 2020, Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk wrote:

> Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2020 13:11:04
> From: Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> I don't have any cool cookware, just regular cooking stuff.  Except I 
> did buy a rice cooker.  Pam.
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Justin Williams via BlindTlk
> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 12:45 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: Justin Williams
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Yes, I agree.and macaroni, I'm just givine another tactic.
>
> I'm also short on all the cool cookware, but I get buy.
>
> Again, just another tactic.
>
> Stoves are cool.
>
>
> Justin
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
> Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 12:32 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> But there are things that you need a stove for, as far as I know, like 
> for instance, cooking a pot of spaghetti.  My friend's family is 
> Italian, and she was never even allowed to learn to fill the pot with 
> water and put it on to boil, put the macaroni in it, and stand over it stirring until it's done.
> Pam.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Justin Williams via BlindTlk
> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:34 AM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: Justin Williams
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> I've  used the stove myself, and can do so when I want.  It's not my 
> favorite thing to do.
> I love the oven!
>
> Love it!
> I use the crock pot, a blender, toaster, a bullet, and other kitchen 
> appliances I bought for mixing health shakes.
> I can use the stove, but I find it more annoying then not because I'me 
> not someone who wants to stand there and cook.
>
> But, I can do it.  I am willing to adjust my routeen to not have to, 
> and I eat for health, but, I can do it.
>
> You can also by an instapot and or a toster oven to cook things as well.
>
> There are a lot of ways to do things independently.
>
> You don't have to use a stove, but you can and do so rather well if necessary.
>
> I 2012, a woman who was blind one shef of the year.
>
> Justin
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
> Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:23 AM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Now, here's something I have never understood.  The friend I mentioned 
> who was never allowed to learn how to use the stove or the oven, had a 
> sister who was alive, then, who had a bad back.  Virginia had to get 
> out the pans and bowls and stuff for her because her sister couldn't 
> doo all the reaching and bending.  So,she had to get the stuff out, 
> get the ingredients out, put the pan in the oven take the pan out of 
> the oven.  I said to her:  "You've done everything but actually make 
> the food."  When her sister was going into the hospital, she taught her brother how to make all the food, not Virginia.
> So now, her brother makes everything.  I remember she said, when their 
> mother died,  "Now that she can't say anything about it, you can teach me
> how to cook."   Her sister said:  "No, just keep doing things the way you
> have been".  She can just make coffee, make sandwiches, use the 
> toaster oven and the microwave that has a few markings on it.  And she 
> didn't learn any of that stuff until they had to teach her because 
> people started being sick, and not being able to be home, so she would 
> be alone.  Not a good way to do stuff at all!  Pam.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Judy Jones via BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 9:04 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: Judy Jones
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Hi, Ericka and Madison,
>
> My sister was older, but we had our chores.
>
> She went off to college when I was twelve, and we were living overseas.
>
> Mom also had a bad back, so I took on many of the chores around the 
> house, and Dad took on the rest.
>
> Mom was healthy and in every other respect very capable, but couldn't 
> strain the back, so I did any of the heavier lifting like carrying 
> groceries from the car, mopping and buffing the kitchen floor and shared the vacuuming with dad.
>
> I also did the dusting and did windows, and around age sixteen, 
> started doing a lot of the cooking, as mom went back to school.  From 
> then on, we would always take turns cooking and cleaning up.
>
> Judy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via 
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 5:03 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> I?m the oldest of three kids. And the only one with a disability. I 
> was plenty responsible for my younger sisters. Every vacation break I 
> was mom, housekeeper, entertainer and more. Once all three of us were 
> in school Nighttime stories and putnighttime stories and put her to 
> bed because I was willing to read the book she loved over and over 
> plus I did voice is for the characters. mom went back to work. Three 
> months was a long time to keep them from getting into trouble. I?m grateful my younger siblings are both girls.
> At least I didn?t have to do anything like change boys diapers. I did 
> get to help with my sisters when they were babies. It was kind of cool to do that.
> My baby sister always loved it when I read
>
>
> Totally apologize if something went nuts here. My finger touch the 
> screen and when you?re in mid dictate you don?t realize that he 
> interfered. LOL
>
> apologize fo
> Ericka Nelson
>
> > On Nov 17, 2020, at 6:32 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk 
> > <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> >
> > I didn't think you did. I never really had to help her with 
> > anything though.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
> > via BlindTlk
> > Sent: November 17, 2020 6:06 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Correct, and I don't mean that at all negatively.
> >
> > I'm guessing with that age difference, you may have been responsible 
> > for her at times when growing up.
> >
> > My sister is five-and-a-half years older than I am.
> >
> >
> > Judy
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
> > Martin via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 3:49 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > By acting like an adult you mean?
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
> > via BlindTlk
> > Sent: November 17, 2020 5:00 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > O my goodness!  You should be setting the example then.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
> > Martin via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:56 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Yes I'm the oldest, by 6 years.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
> > via BlindTlk
> > Sent: November 17, 2020 4:46 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > I was just trying to think of things.
> >
> > It really would be worth talking to them.
> >
> > By chance, are you the oldest?
> >
> > I can tell you that having been a parent, sometimes, with the 
> > oldest, parents are still going through firsts.  The first to 
> > graduate from high school, etc.
> > They're growing along with their older children, so if you are the 
> > eldest, you can set the tone, it's almost an advantage for you.
> >
> > You've hit milestones of graduating from high school and becoming an 
> > adult, so you will have to help them along with that, too.
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
> > Martin via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:38 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Mom does all the cleaning except for vacuuming which Dad does. Dad 
> > does all the cooking. I'm a picky eater so I don't generally eat Dad 
> > cooks.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
> > via BlindTlk
> > Sent: November 17, 2020 4:15 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Hi, Madison,
> >
> > First of all, I'm sure we're all behind you on this list.
> >
> > One thing I have seen in common from your responses on this list and 
> > others, that when suggestions are given, they are summarily rejected.
> >
> > Granted, we're not in your living situation, but you need to start 
> > thinking like a problem-solver.  If any of our suggestions aren't 
> > working for you, then you will have to come up with your own 
> > solutions that will work for you.
> >
> > Take the problems out of the way.  You'll have to be your own 
> > problem-solver, that is what we all have had to learn to do in order 
> > to make it in life.
> >
> > you would need to persuade your folks by your actions maybe at 
> > first, if not by your words.  Examples.  Take on more of the 
> > cooking, or cook for yourself.  Do more of the household chores, 
> > take on more personal grooming and schedule para to go out, or 
> > anything else you can do to show them the adult you are.
> >
> > You've basically had a two year "break" from high school, so you 
> > should seriously look at ways of becoming more independent, and now.
> >
> > Talk to a CNIB counselor, talk to Mary Ellen, I can send you her 
> > information again if you need it, but get some support for what you 
> > are trying to do.
> > You are going to have to use the resources available.  If you need 
> > it, get yourself into a center for daily living skills to equip you 
> > to be out on your own.  You've got to do this for you.
> >
> > Another thing a VR counselor can do is give you an interest test 
> > that may bring out some surprising positive results of interests you 
> > have you didn't realize, and can move forward with plans for your 
> > life and moving forward.
> >
> > It sounds like stuck at home is getting to you, and that will not 
> > change unless you take control of your situation yourself.  If any 
> > of us could wave a wand and make it happen for you, I'm sure we 
> > would love to, we all want to see our blind brothers and sisters succeed.
> >
> > We're here to advise and help, but you have to do the work.
> >
> > You have a golden time window, being a couple years out of high 
> > school, but the older you get, the harder it will be to pick up the 
> > reins of your life again, you've got to make it happen for yourself 
> > and get people behind you to support you, and this list will support 
> > you inasmuch as a listserv can.
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
> > Martin via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:18 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > I'm not sure they'd listen to me, or at least not Mom.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
> > via BlindTlk
> > Sent: November 16, 2020 5:36 PM
> > To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> > Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Another thought.
> >
> > Can you sit down with your folks, and discuss your need for more 
> > independence, a possible modest allowance, if you don't already have one?
> > Your need to have your own things be yours?
> >
> > For about three years, our older daughter came back to the "nest," 
> > for about five years until she got married in 2015.
> >
> > Chris was newly retired then, I was starting back to work, and Jada 
> > had her own job.  Of course we would have provided groceries for 
> > her, had she needed that, but she got work right away.
> >
> > We would share our groceries with her, and she shared some of hers 
> > with us, but we would check with each other before we ate.
> >
> > We also would eat sometimes at different times.  Jada, of course, 
> > could use the kitchen any time she liked anyway.
> >
> > One time we were talking about this, and our relationship with her 
> > at that time was more like housemates.
> >
> > We all had our own schedules, our own errands, our own things we 
> > did, but we also enjoyed each other's company.
> >
> > When trying to explain this to our younger daughter, it was hard for 
> > her to understand, because the last time she was living with us was 
> > as a minor.
> > She started fulltime work at age eighteen, had her own place, and 
> > kept that job until she was 25.  She married at 27, and is now 30, 
> > hard to believe.
> >
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
> > Martin via BlindTlk
> > Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
> > To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> > Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> > Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > Hi all,
> > Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent.
> > I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get 
> > away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest 
> > issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at 
> > each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she 
> > isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and 
> > reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie 
> > and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to 
> > nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already 
> > have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I 
> > think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told 
> > what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is 
> > very annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing 
> > our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about 
> > this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily 
> > solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. 
> > Mom is the one that needs the most help, but we know that she 
> > wouldn't go or talk.
> > I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if 
> > Makayla even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the 
> > right therapist.
> > There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to 
> > move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to 
> > think that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so 
> > sure. I already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about 
> > stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go 
> > anywhere so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the 
> > less we shower the less water we use, and the less product we have 
> > to buy. As an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions 
> > even when it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm 
> > treated more like a kid then the adult that I am and should be 
> > allowed to be. Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't 
> > actually teach me how to do something. She quite often just says "If 
> > you want something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She 
> > also bugs me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also 
> > gotten really bad at just taking things without asking, mainly food. 
> > Sometimes someone buys something for themselves or for someone else 
> > (that's not her), but she just sees things and assumes she can eat 
> > or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask then chances 
> > are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she 
> > doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few 
> > months ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be 
> > kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
> > Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she 
> > didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus 
> > the last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like 
> > any, not that I would unless it's plain.
> > It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I 
> > don't really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to 
> > have to start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it 
> > gets to that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus 
> > she's good at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in 
> > particular chocolate.
> > Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she 
> > says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our 
> > names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this 
> > macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her 
> > own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
> > I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a 
> > dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there 
> > might not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at 
> > me when we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them 
> > right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
> > I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She 
> > thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision 
> > that I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I 
> > still collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if 
> > it's too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy 
> > anything, even though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a 
> > month until either event. I do it because I worry that she won't 
> > like the look of the figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy 
> > it for me, regardless of how much I want it. Like last Christmas I 
> > asked for this particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me 
> > because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy, 
> > but the
> > 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my 
> > money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
> > Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, 
> > so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
> > Madison
> >
> >
> > _______________________________________________
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> > m
> >
> >
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