[BlindTlk] Dating as a Blind Person: Revisited

[Judy Jones]

Wow, I did date some in college, and they were people that were in my classes.  So, they already knew I was blind, had no problems getting around the campus, etc., so that was no worry.  Nothing was ever serious anyway.

Then, when I was teaching school, I used to go out with a teacher from a neighboring school, he knew I was blind, of course, and we enjoyed each other's company, used to go for pizza, and he also helped sponsor a school dance, one thing we teachers always did anyway.  Our schools were in the same sports league, so played each other at football games.

In today's dating world, I would definitely stay on neutral territory, realizing I am speaking as a woman, and would furnish my own transportation, and I wouldn't feel embarrassed about saying that would be my comfort level.  If the person didn't understand that, then that isn't someone I would want to date.

If you are comfortable in your own skin, blindness isn't going to be the issue, and, if you're comfortable in your own skin, that will go a long way in helping people to feel comfortable around you.  I honestly don't remember being concerned about my blindness itself.  Of course, I wanted to make sure I knew where all my classes were, and where the hangouts were, so I made it my business to get those things figured out.

About the parents thing, The last time I was living at their house was when I was in high school, so back then, they were great about dropping me off places, or picking up me and friends.

What you could do is make transportation arrangements to arrive at a location before your date.  When Chris and I plan to meet with others at a restaurant, for instance, we'll ask the people to check in at the front counter if they get there before we do.  So, if we get there, we ask if such-and-such a party has checked in.  The other thing is to just call their cell if you think you have arrived late, or let your date know when you do arrive at your location. Via cell.  We used to do this with our kids all the time when they were older and we were all off in different directions.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Humberto Avila via BlindTlk
Sent: Saturday, March 12, 2022 12:47 PM
To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Cc: Humberto Avila <humberto_avila.it104 at outlook.com>
Subject: [BlindTlk] Dating as a Blind Person: Revisited

Dear Everybody, 

I hope your weekends are going very well, and you are in good health and spirits.  

I am slightly following up on a question I've asked earlier on this list and am thankful to Marion Gwisdala, Judy and others who have responded to my many curious and perhaps dumb and silly questions. 

Anyways, I am interested in your experience with dating sighted partners, specifically with regards to getting around, and demonstrating your mobility and other alternative blindness skills in front of said person. Let's say, I am beginning to chat with someone over an online dating website, or at work. She asks me out (or I do, for that matter) and we both agree to go to a public venue (E.G. coffee house) to meet up. According to my early research on this subject, online dating app experts highly recommend both parties procure their own transportation to and from the site, for if something were to go wrong during the encounter. 

To cut to the chase here: What has been your experiences with dating for the first time, and dealing with transportation-related barriers? I know that in bigger cities there is a lot more flexibility with rideshares being more accessible, and buses running more times. But I now live in a city that doesn't have a lot of those options and their paratransit is, for lack of a nicer word, horrible, and doesn't run most evenings — time of day usually reserved for the activity I am trying to undertake. Did you have to disclose your blindness, merely because of the transit issues you experience, and not for anything else? For those of you living with / or lived with parents or loved ones when starting their dating journey: did they assist or provide with any accommodations so that your experience is smooth, despite the awkwardness? 

Over all, your solutions and challenges you undertook when dating sighted partners in a sighted world for the first time will be appreciated. I know these discussions can get heated sometimes but this is very relevant as we transition into a world that is going more and more physical and in-person. 

Thanks, 

Humberto 


“Be kind; for everyone you meet is fighting a really hard battle.” — πλατο 


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