[BlindTlk] visually impaired people not caring about personal hygine..

[Chaim B. Segal]

Dear Madison:

My name is Chaim Segal; I receive mail from Blindtalk but due to backlog, am extremely far behind on messages, over a year. Unlike my older brother, (who isn't, as far as I know, on this list), I don't check E-mail religiously everyday, unless I am expecting something important. I do that with work E-mail. So, let's just say, we all have our quirks. (Smile.)

Madison, Please forgive me in advance if I sound like I'm being critical of you. Putting myself in your shoes, I can understand why personal grooming is less important to you as it is for others among us on this list and throughout the blind community at large. I'm opposite of you, needing a daily shower, sometimes more than one in summer. As an observant Jew, I observe a Nine Day period of religious mourning which occurs in the heat of summer, during most observant Jews refrain from bathing. Even then, I cannot get by without at least a cold sponge bath at end of day. Bathing for cleanliness is actually allowed, but depending on your degree of observance, different people have different ideas of what their cleanliness status is.

Turning to the subject at hand, indeed, there are a number of blind individuals who, for whatever their reason, are not in the habit of bathing. This deeply concerns me for a number of reasons. First and foremost, we need to portray a positive image whenever and wherever we go, even just hanging out with family. Aside from reinforcing negative stereotypes about us as blind people, not bathing can, sorry to say, jeopardize other people's health. I recall earlier posts from you in which you may have mentioned problems with certain family members. Please trust me, many, many of us in the blind community have suffered the same issues. Praise God, in my family, though it happened, it was mainly in part from my two oldest sighted brothers, who ended up moving out when they were young. My second oldest brother now has two autistic sons, and, even though he still wishes my older brother Moshe and I were quote-unquote normal, I think he's made his peace to a great extent with it and has seen that we have done the best for ourselves and have carved out a life which suits us best. Our mother, Lord bless her beloved Soul, was able to deal with our blindness better than our father. Ironically, his mother was legally blind, but when I say this, she actually could read print and didn't need a mobility aid. However, she felt that her blindness kept her from doing many things, and she needed to be taken care of. When I, the fourth and last child was born blind just like my immediate older brother Moshe, it greatly grieved our father, and and I would say there was a good deal of fallout from it which came out on Moshe and myself-particularly me. However, from the time we were very young, he did what he could to encourage us to be independent. When I decided to move out into an apartment as soon as I was able, he was uncomfortable with the idea, worried how I would take care of myself in an emergency. However, when my moving out locally eventually led to a three-year stint in Chicago, he was glad I actually made the break.

Sorry, I have a habit of swaying off topic. Anyway Madison, back to what I was saying before. You mentioned oily hair. Not to gross anybody out, but I have had problems with dandruff and later psoriasis for nearly all my life. Even with showering everyday back in grade school, I was ridiculed by other classmates. Even if you yourself don't smell it, others around you do, and a bad smell can change the mental atmosphere for everybody. Moreover, somebody else in your vicinity could be allergic to whatever may be collecting on your scalp, or even on your skin. And, not to scare you, but we all know how easy it was to contract COVID when it was in its hayday. Other infections can be spread through bodily contact. Even if you have a hard time getting along with family, I should hope you wouldn't want to make anybody sick. 
I'm unsure how old you are, but would guess you are of dating age. I'm happily married to a blind woman whom I met through the Philmore chat system nearly 16 years ago. On a side note, I'm a strong advocate for blind people marrying each other, because I think we can understand and empathize better with each other nowadays. I know some blind versus sighted relationships which have worked out, and more power to those people. No matter what your dating preference however, the more appealing you strive to be, the better the chance of finding somebody. Nobody of either sex wants to be involved in a relationship where one person needs to totally care for the other, except when an unforseen event arises. And, quite sadly, I've heard of seemingly perfectly happy relationships breaking up over that as well.

As others on this list have suggested, please don't believe what many sighted people say about us and believe it is the case. In my opinion, the greatest reason for racism and Ableism in this country is that people need, for their own satisfaction, to believe that they will always be better than at least one other person in society. Let's prove them wrong! I suggest, for your own sake at least, please start taking care of yourself. Make believe you have a job or are dating somebody. You'll mentally see! When you start taking care of your personal grooming, you'll feel better about yourself. My father, Bless his Soul, use to have an encouraging saying: "Look the world in the eye and spit in its face!"

Chaim

                  

 
----- Original Message -----
From: Madison Martin via BlTlk  <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Date: Thursday, December 28, 2023 12:49 pm
Subject: [BlTlk] visually impaired people not caring about personal hygine..

>
>
> Hi all,
> I was complaining to a sighted family friend about how my parents bugging me
> about showering etc. and she said that from what she's heard it's common for
> visually impaired people to not care about their appearance; is this true? I
> don't want any greef/judgement only an answer to my question; I have very oily
> hair but I've been known to go more then a week without showering simply because
> I hardly ever go anywhere and so I really don't care what I look l/if I
> smell. Look forward to your answers,
> Madison
>  
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