[blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

Mon Aug 31 04:35:39 UTC 2009

Thanks Dave. It is helpful just knowing that you are blind, and adopted 
successfully, so thanks for sharing with us :)

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "David Andrews" <dandrews at visi.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 7:58 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

>I am a blind adoptive parent -- but unfortunately my situation won't help 
>you much.  We adopted from Guatemala, which was opened at the time -- and I 
>had a sighted wife at the time so blindness never really came up.
>
> Dave
>
> At 04:59 PM 8/30/2009, you wrote:
>
>>Thank you. We surely are...
>>Sherry
>>
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Steve Jacobson" 
>><steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 5:53 PM
>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>
>>
>>>Sherry,
>>>
>>>Good luck to you.  It sounds as though you are doing everything you can.
>>>
>>>Best regards,
>>>
>>>Steve Jacobson
>>>
>>>On Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:57:23 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>Hello Steve,
>>>
>>>>Thank you for sharing and giving good advice. I believe I spoke to your 
>>>>wife
>>>>about a year ago. I found the article in the Braille Monitor entitled
>>>>"Loving Elizabeth" and reached out...you too gave us hope :)
>>>
>>>>We have been on this journey for awhile, and have had to explain, write 
>>>>and
>>>>now even create a video to show our competence and abilities to 
>>>>parent--ugg!
>>>>We went through a lot of stress when trying to go the New York foster 
>>>>care
>>>>route, and I reached out to Carl Jacobsen here in New York. He was
>>>>supportive and gave us some directions to try...it gets so tiring after
>>>>awhile to have to prove ourselves, but, like you said,  it is what it is 
>>>>and
>>>>we will keep up our persistence.
>>>
>>>>We actually had to sit in a meeting with all of the Directors from the 
>>>>New
>>>>York agency, and answer so many questions and explore different sinarios
>>>>with them. Some of these social workers were more willing than others, 
>>>>and
>>>>actually, the medical doctor and psychiatrist were more understanding 
>>>>and
>>>>had more confidence in our abilities. We found this refreshing, but 
>>>>strange.
>>>>It seems that if someone is willing to learn and do not already have 
>>>>their
>>>>own set preconceptions of blindness, then we have a better shot at 
>>>>educating
>>>>them, otherwise, forget it, they will never get it. WE had a wonderful, 
>>>>very
>>>>understanding home study social worker, and she was our biggest advocate
>>>>with the agency. However, she was promoted and is not even in the same
>>>>department anymore. They are not willing to look outside of New York 
>>>>City
>>>>anyway, so we have moved on...
>>>
>>>>Thank you for your advice on being aware of the different countries and 
>>>>the
>>>>causes of vision loss. We have seen a lot of different children 
>>>>available
>>>>with some partial medical reports and video. We tend to be shown many
>>>>children that have cataracts and/or prematurity. All of the children we 
>>>>have
>>>>seen are between the ages of 1.5 to 6 years old. The older children have 
>>>>a
>>>>lot of body and head rocking, and inability to walk due to lack of
>>>>interventions, and of course institutionalization...it is so very sad.
>>>>The good thing is that by the time we find a country willing to accept 
>>>>us,
>>>>and child that we will accept, we will be well educated.
>>>
>>>>it is so good to communicate with folks who truly understand, and thank 
>>>>you.
>>>>We will never give up or allow others to define who we are...educating
>>>>people is part of our everyday living, so the judgements and 
>>>>misconceptions
>>>>is not surprising.
>>>
>>>>Again, thank you.
>>>
>>>>Best wishes, Sherry
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Steve Jacobson" 
>>>><steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 10:48 AM
>>>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>
>>>
>>>>>Sherry,
>>>>>
>>>>>My wife and I are both blind and have adopted two children from Korea 
>>>>>but
>>>>>it was some thirteen years ago.  Yet, I very
>>>>>much identify with the feelings you express.  In our case, we did not 
>>>>>seek
>>>>>out children with "special needs," but the road
>>>>>to adopt children who have some vision loss was definitely an easier 
>>>>>one.
>>>>>Both of our kids have some vision loss with
>>>>>one being legally blind and the other not.  If either partner of a 
>>>>>couple
>>>>>who are adopting have some vision, the process
>>>>>seems to go very much smoother whether you are talking about China or 
>>>>>even
>>>>>here in the United states.  If you have a
>>>>>good relationship with your church and your church has an adoption
>>>>>program, that could be a good route to investigate.
>>>>>
>>>>>The fact is that most people just don't know how we live as blind 
>>>>>adults
>>>>>and can't imagine it.  The fact that they may be
>>>>>educated with degrees in social work and/or psychology as is often the
>>>>>case with adoption workers doesn't seem to
>>>>>matter at all.  However, there are those out there who are willing to
>>>>>learn, and the only choice we have is to approach
>>>>>them assuming that we can educate them as to how blind adults live and 
>>>>>how
>>>>>we parent.  This means you'll go through
>>>>>a lot that other couples don't go through, and you'll have to explain a
>>>>>lot and handle more assumptions that you can't do
>>>>>it than most.  You'll need to call upon a lot of patience.  This isn't
>>>>>meant to say that the situation is fair, but it is what it is.
>>>>>
>>>>>If you decide that you are willing to seek out kids with vision loss or
>>>>>have other special needs, be sure to research
>>>>>carefully the special needs involved.  In countries where medical care 
>>>>>is
>>>>>more advanced, it is less likely, for example,
>>>>>that a child is only blind, rather blindness is more likely a secondary
>>>>>condition related to something else that might be
>>>>>more significant.  In countries that have less advanced medical care,
>>>>>there could be an explainable reason for the
>>>>>blindness and a chance that blindness is the only disability, but it is
>>>>>also possible that there will not be a medical history
>>>>>at all.  Be sure you know what you feel you can handle in terms of kids
>>>>>with special needs if you travel that route.  They
>>>>>all need homes, but they need to be in homes that will be supportive 
>>>>>both
>>>>>emotionally and financially.  By "financially," I
>>>>>am referring to the cost of unknown on-going medical conditions.
>>>>>
>>>>>Unfortunately, the landscape has change a lot even since we adopted, so
>>>>>our specific experiences are probably of little
>>>>>value now.  However, from all I have read and heard, our general
>>>>>experiences are still relevant.  Good luck.  If you are
>>>>>persistent, you will likely succeed.  Be patient, stay calm, and stay
>>>>>focused.
>>>>>
>>>>>Best regards,
>>>>>
>>>>>Steve Jacobson
>>>>>
>>>>>On Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:45:05 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>Hi Barbara,
>>>>>>Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, since the Hague 
>>>>>>Convention,
>>>>>>Guatamala and Vietnam are currently not in agreement with the U.S. and
>>>>>>adoptions are not permitted at this time. Guatamala does not meet the
>>>>>>Hague
>>>>>>requirements, and I am not entirely certain why there are restrictions
>>>>>>with
>>>>>>Vietnam. It is all politics and bureaucracy as compared to years ago.
>>>>>>Korea
>>>>>>is slowly dwindling down in terms of adoption to U.S. citizens, or any
>>>>>>country except for their own; and are  expected to stop all adoption 
>>>>>>by
>>>>>>2012. So, we have explored these options already. We are now looking
>>>>>>further
>>>>>>into Ukraine. Perhaps, this will go well. There are no "restrictions" 
>>>>>>in
>>>>>>their laws that restrict parents who are blind, but this could be 
>>>>>>because
>>>>>>they do not believe that blind people would even apply :(
>>>>>>We shall see. It has been very difficult finding adoptive parents who 
>>>>>>are
>>>>>>blind; apparently there are not that many, or perhaps there are and I 
>>>>>>just
>>>>>>cannot find them...
>>>>>>China asked questions like "how much can they see?" Does one of them 
>>>>>>see?"
>>>>>>"Well, if one of them out of the two has vision in at least one eye, 
>>>>>>then
>>>>>>we
>>>>>>will accept them"
>>>>>
>>>>>>This journey to adoption, for us, has been a nightmare, however, an
>>>>>>incredible learning experience. There will be a light at the end of 
>>>>>>this
>>>>>>tunnel--it is not in our nature to give up easily, or at all :)
>>>>>
>>>>>>Again, thank you for your response and suggestions :)
>>>>>>Best wishes, Sherry
>>>>>
>>>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" 
>>>>>><poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 9:47 PM
>>>>>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>>Have you tried Guatemala?  That seems to be a popular one with the
>>>>>>>adoption agency we went through.  Granted, all the ones I know are
>>>>>>>sighted
>>>>>>>but I'm sure they can't be a country without a blind person.  What 
>>>>>>>about
>>>>>>>Korea or Vietnam, also?  Those are the only countries I can think of 
>>>>>>>off
>>>>>>>the bat. Mine are from China.  We got them a year before the
>>>>>>>requirements
>>>>>>>changed.
>>>>>>>Barbara
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care:  of
>>>>>>>whom
>>>>>>>you speak, to whom you speak, and how and when and where.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>>From: "Sherry DeFrancesco" <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>
>>>>>>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 3:43 PM
>>>>>>>To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>>Subject: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Dear Blind Parent Listers,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>We are a married couple that is totally blind, and have been trying 
>>>>>>>>to
>>>>>>>>adopt a child that is blind or visually impaired for the past two
>>>>>>>>years.
>>>>>>>>It has been a long and exhausting journey due to misconceptions and
>>>>>>>>false
>>>>>>>>beliefs about the abilities of parents who are blind. We have a New
>>>>>>>>York
>>>>>>>>state Foster Parent License, and a completed home study for
>>>>>>>>international
>>>>>>>>adoption. We have tried the New York foster care system, as well as
>>>>>>>>International adoption agencies. New York state did not locate a 
>>>>>>>>child
>>>>>>>>that is blind or vision impaired in the NY state foster care system,
>>>>>>>>and
>>>>>>>>we have been turned down by China, India and Russia. There are
>>>>>>>>thousands
>>>>>>>>of blind and vision impaired children out there all over the world 
>>>>>>>>who
>>>>>>>>need loving homes including right here in the United States. If 
>>>>>>>>anyone
>>>>>>>>out there has any information where we can find blind or vision
>>>>>>>>impaired
>>>>>>>>children in the U.S. in need of a forever family, or successfully
>>>>>>>>adopted
>>>>>>>>a child either domestically or internationally, and can lend some
>>>>>>>>advice/guidance and/or resources to locate the support and
>>>>>>>>understanding
>>>>>>>>that we will need to complete a successful adoption, please contact 
>>>>>>>>me
>>>>>>>>privately if you are willing at:
>>>>>>>>sdefrancesco at optonline.net
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>I am also willing to discuss on the list if appropriate, however, a
>>>>>>>>private conversation may be more appropriate-either way is fine with
>>>>>>>>me.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Thank you.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Best wishes ~ Sherry DeFrancesco
>>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>
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>>
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