[blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

Sun Aug 30 23:58:45 UTC 2009

I am a blind adoptive parent -- but unfortunately my situation won't 
help you much.  We adopted from Guatemala, which was opened at the 
time -- and I had a sighted wife at the time so blindness never really came up.

Dave

At 04:59 PM 8/30/2009, you wrote:

>Thank you. We surely are...
>Sherry
>
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 5:53 PM
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>
>
>>Sherry,
>>
>>Good luck to you.  It sounds as though you are doing everything you can.
>>
>>Best regards,
>>
>>Steve Jacobson
>>
>>On Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:57:23 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Hello Steve,
>>
>>>Thank you for sharing and giving good advice. I believe I spoke to your wife
>>>about a year ago. I found the article in the Braille Monitor entitled
>>>"Loving Elizabeth" and reached out...you too gave us hope :)
>>
>>>We have been on this journey for awhile, and have had to explain, write and
>>>now even create a video to show our competence and abilities to parent--ugg!
>>>We went through a lot of stress when trying to go the New York foster care
>>>route, and I reached out to Carl Jacobsen here in New York. He was
>>>supportive and gave us some directions to try...it gets so tiring after
>>>awhile to have to prove ourselves, but, like you said,  it is what it is and
>>>we will keep up our persistence.
>>
>>>We actually had to sit in a meeting with all of the Directors from the New
>>>York agency, and answer so many questions and explore different sinarios
>>>with them. Some of these social workers were more willing than others, and
>>>actually, the medical doctor and psychiatrist were more understanding and
>>>had more confidence in our abilities. We found this refreshing, but strange.
>>>It seems that if someone is willing to learn and do not already have their
>>>own set preconceptions of blindness, then we have a better shot at educating
>>>them, otherwise, forget it, they will never get it. WE had a wonderful, very
>>>understanding home study social worker, and she was our biggest advocate
>>>with the agency. However, she was promoted and is not even in the same
>>>department anymore. They are not willing to look outside of New York City
>>>anyway, so we have moved on...
>>
>>>Thank you for your advice on being aware of the different countries and the
>>>causes of vision loss. We have seen a lot of different children available
>>>with some partial medical reports and video. We tend to be shown many
>>>children that have cataracts and/or prematurity. All of the children we have
>>>seen are between the ages of 1.5 to 6 years old. The older children have a
>>>lot of body and head rocking, and inability to walk due to lack of
>>>interventions, and of course institutionalization...it is so very sad.
>>>The good thing is that by the time we find a country willing to accept us,
>>>and child that we will accept, we will be well educated.
>>
>>>it is so good to communicate with folks who truly understand, and thank you.
>>>We will never give up or allow others to define who we are...educating
>>>people is part of our everyday living, so the judgements and misconceptions
>>>is not surprising.
>>
>>>Again, thank you.
>>
>>>Best wishes, Sherry
>>
>>
>>
>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Steve Jacobson" 
>>><steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 10:48 AM
>>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>
>>
>>>>Sherry,
>>>>
>>>>My wife and I are both blind and have adopted two children from Korea but
>>>>it was some thirteen years ago.  Yet, I very
>>>>much identify with the feelings you express.  In our case, we did not seek
>>>>out children with "special needs," but the road
>>>>to adopt children who have some vision loss was definitely an easier one.
>>>>Both of our kids have some vision loss with
>>>>one being legally blind and the other not.  If either partner of a couple
>>>>who are adopting have some vision, the process
>>>>seems to go very much smoother whether you are talking about China or even
>>>>here in the United states.  If you have a
>>>>good relationship with your church and your church has an adoption
>>>>program, that could be a good route to investigate.
>>>>
>>>>The fact is that most people just don't know how we live as blind adults
>>>>and can't imagine it.  The fact that they may be
>>>>educated with degrees in social work and/or psychology as is often the
>>>>case with adoption workers doesn't seem to
>>>>matter at all.  However, there are those out there who are willing to
>>>>learn, and the only choice we have is to approach
>>>>them assuming that we can educate them as to how blind adults live and how
>>>>we parent.  This means you'll go through
>>>>a lot that other couples don't go through, and you'll have to explain a
>>>>lot and handle more assumptions that you can't do
>>>>it than most.  You'll need to call upon a lot of patience.  This isn't
>>>>meant to say that the situation is fair, but it is what it is.
>>>>
>>>>If you decide that you are willing to seek out kids with vision loss or
>>>>have other special needs, be sure to research
>>>>carefully the special needs involved.  In countries where medical care is
>>>>more advanced, it is less likely, for example,
>>>>that a child is only blind, rather blindness is more likely a secondary
>>>>condition related to something else that might be
>>>>more significant.  In countries that have less advanced medical care,
>>>>there could be an explainable reason for the
>>>>blindness and a chance that blindness is the only disability, but it is
>>>>also possible that there will not be a medical history
>>>>at all.  Be sure you know what you feel you can handle in terms of kids
>>>>with special needs if you travel that route.  They
>>>>all need homes, but they need to be in homes that will be supportive both
>>>>emotionally and financially.  By "financially," I
>>>>am referring to the cost of unknown on-going medical conditions.
>>>>
>>>>Unfortunately, the landscape has change a lot even since we adopted, so
>>>>our specific experiences are probably of little
>>>>value now.  However, from all I have read and heard, our general
>>>>experiences are still relevant.  Good luck.  If you are
>>>>persistent, you will likely succeed.  Be patient, stay calm, and stay
>>>>focused.
>>>>
>>>>Best regards,
>>>>
>>>>Steve Jacobson
>>>>
>>>>On Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:45:05 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>Hi Barbara,
>>>>>Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, since the Hague Convention,
>>>>>Guatamala and Vietnam are currently not in agreement with the U.S. and
>>>>>adoptions are not permitted at this time. Guatamala does not meet the
>>>>>Hague
>>>>>requirements, and I am not entirely certain why there are restrictions
>>>>>with
>>>>>Vietnam. It is all politics and bureaucracy as compared to years ago.
>>>>>Korea
>>>>>is slowly dwindling down in terms of adoption to U.S. citizens, or any
>>>>>country except for their own; and are  expected to stop all adoption by
>>>>>2012. So, we have explored these options already. We are now looking
>>>>>further
>>>>>into Ukraine. Perhaps, this will go well. There are no "restrictions" in
>>>>>their laws that restrict parents who are blind, but this could be because
>>>>>they do not believe that blind people would even apply :(
>>>>>We shall see. It has been very difficult finding adoptive parents who are
>>>>>blind; apparently there are not that many, or perhaps there are and I just
>>>>>cannot find them...
>>>>>China asked questions like "how much can they see?" Does one of them see?"
>>>>>"Well, if one of them out of the two has vision in at least one eye, then
>>>>>we
>>>>>will accept them"
>>>>
>>>>>This journey to adoption, for us, has been a nightmare, however, an
>>>>>incredible learning experience. There will be a light at the end of this
>>>>>tunnel--it is not in our nature to give up easily, or at all :)
>>>>
>>>>>Again, thank you for your response and suggestions :)
>>>>>Best wishes, Sherry
>>>>
>>>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 9:47 PM
>>>>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>>Have you tried Guatemala?  That seems to be a popular one with the
>>>>>>adoption agency we went through.  Granted, all the ones I know are
>>>>>>sighted
>>>>>>but I'm sure they can't be a country without a blind person.  What about
>>>>>>Korea or Vietnam, also?  Those are the only countries I can think of off
>>>>>>the bat. Mine are from China.  We got them a year before the
>>>>>>requirements
>>>>>>changed.
>>>>>>Barbara
>>>>>>
>>>>>>If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care:  of
>>>>>>whom
>>>>>>you speak, to whom you speak, and how and when and where.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>From: "Sherry DeFrancesco" <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>
>>>>>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 3:43 PM
>>>>>>To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>>Subject: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Dear Blind Parent Listers,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>We are a married couple that is totally blind, and have been trying to
>>>>>>>adopt a child that is blind or visually impaired for the past two
>>>>>>>years.
>>>>>>>It has been a long and exhausting journey due to misconceptions and
>>>>>>>false
>>>>>>>beliefs about the abilities of parents who are blind. We have a New
>>>>>>>York
>>>>>>>state Foster Parent License, and a completed home study for
>>>>>>>international
>>>>>>>adoption. We have tried the New York foster care system, as well as
>>>>>>>International adoption agencies. New York state did not locate a child
>>>>>>>that is blind or vision impaired in the NY state foster care system,
>>>>>>>and
>>>>>>>we have been turned down by China, India and Russia. There are
>>>>>>>thousands
>>>>>>>of blind and vision impaired children out there all over the world who
>>>>>>>need loving homes including right here in the United States. If anyone
>>>>>>>out there has any information where we can find blind or vision
>>>>>>>impaired
>>>>>>>children in the U.S. in need of a forever family, or successfully
>>>>>>>adopted
>>>>>>>a child either domestically or internationally, and can lend some
>>>>>>>advice/guidance and/or resources to locate the support and
>>>>>>>understanding
>>>>>>>that we will need to complete a successful adoption, please contact me
>>>>>>>privately if you are willing at:
>>>>>>>sdefrancesco at optonline.net
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>I am also willing to discuss on the list if appropriate, however, a
>>>>>>>private conversation may be more appropriate-either way is fine with
>>>>>>>me.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Thank you.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Best wishes ~ Sherry DeFrancesco
>>>>>>>_______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
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>>>>
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>
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>>
>>
>>
>>
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