[blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for boys

Mon Dec 14 23:27:26 UTC 2009

Yes, I'm tiring of the asking situation here. So we don't ask him to ask for 
fruit, drinks, after school snacks. The stealing is going on even with him 
hardly ever being told no except to having too much candy, which we keep put 
away. I did not have to ask as a child, but I never abused that privilege. 
Things are just simply different now, my generation was a different one.

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at pcdesk.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, December 14, 2009 5:16 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for 
boys

Personally, I don't want Stephen to have to ask for food and drinks, other
than junk food.  When he first started coming over after his dad moved in
with me, he asked for milk and water, or anything he wanted out of the
fridge.  We told him that just like at home, he was free to have food and
drink, just not a bunch of junk food.  I'm happy to see him taking an apple
or an orange now, or pouring himself a glass of milk.  I had to ask for food
as a child, and sometimes even sneak it, and I don't want anybody to feel
obliged to do that in my house.  It's another story if I find a half a pack
of cookies missing, but the consequence of that is that we don't buy cookies
for a while at the store.  It fits the crime.
Jo Elizabeth

Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify
the hunters.--African Proverb

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Rhonda Scott" <earthmagic7 at sbcglobal.net>
Sent: Monday, December 14, 2009 2:42 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
boys

> Well, I know many don't believe in spankings. Here, we try not to have to
> spank, but in my opinion too, lying is the worst. We always give praise to
> Deven when he fesses up. The other day he ate some of his leftover food
> from
> when we had dinner out without asking first, and instead of lying when we
> pointed out that there was only 1 chicken strip rather than the 4 he
> brought
> home, he said nothing. It was hard for me not to laugh, because in a way
> it
> was progress when he didn't deny it, but yet he wasn't admitting to it
> either. It was still wrong, but as you said, his punishment was less than
> if
> he had lied about it.
>
> Rhonda
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Leanne Merren" <leemer02 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, December 14, 2009 12:56 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
> boys
>
>
> My kids get punished worse for lying.  If they fess up, their punishment
> is
> simple and to the point, such as "Since you took food without asking, you
> get no snack before bed tonight."  But if they lie, then they get spanked
> or
> priveleges taken away, depending on the child because they all need
> different punishments.  I add that on to the punishment they got for doing
> wrong in the first place.  There are times that I'll explain that what
> they
> did wasn't even that bad, and they would have just gotten off with a
> warning, but since they lied they have to be punished.  Dishonesty is the
> worst offense, in my opinion.  It breaks all trust and that breaks down
> relationships.  I want my kids to understand that above all else.
> Leanne
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Rhonda Scott" <earthmagic7 at sbcglobal.net>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, December 14, 2009 6:20 AM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
> boys
>
>
>>I haven't said a thing about how I know he does things, but I do present
>> evidence I find lately. He is very adamant that he didn't do it when
>> confronted with something, even when the proof is there. So I think my
>> spy
>> tactics are a good plan, without letting him know I'm spying in various
>> ways. And physical evidence I find, like food, wrappers, etc., I can
>> maybe
>> show to him when he lies about doing it. So baby monitor here we come.
>> But
>> barking cookie jar, he would know to just take out the batteries after
>> the
>> first couple of times.
>>
>> Kids are way smarter than many adults give them credit for.
>>
>> Rhonda
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Eileen Levin" <eileenlevin at comcast.net>
>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Sunday, December 13, 2009 2:13 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
>> boys
>>
>>
>> Actually, I was going to recommend that as a parent in charge you avoid
>> giving away your secrets for keeping tabs on him. It's important for him
>> to
>> know that you know but I find it very helpful if my son has no clue how I
>> figured it out.
>> Yeah parenting is nothing like playing with kids at a party. I thought I
>> knew all about the parenting gig because of my two younger sisters. It
>> took
>> about one day to realize that my new born son was going to fill me with a
>> million terrors and anxieties that never crossed my mind with my younger
>> sisters. It's so different being totally responsible for this other life
>> and
>> yet having precious little power to control his or her actions on a
>> moment
>> to moment basis. Sigh
>>
>> Welcome to parenting. It has it's rewards when you start getting into a
>> rhythm with each other. Kind of like marriage I guess.
>> Eileen
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
>> Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 6:59 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
>> boys
>>
>> My husband, Deven's biological father, is very reassuring to me that a
>> lot
>> of what Deven does is typical boy/child behavior. I do believe that, but
>> we've had some episodes that left me feeling frustrated and angry, so
>> they
>> are hard for me, as someone who has no children of my own until now, to
>> forgive and trust. It's nice to be reassured by you that it is all
>> families,
>>
>> be the kids step children or otherwise. I feel like such a tyrant
>> sometimes
>> calling him on things he did, but I know it's necessary for me to do that
>> to
>>
>> take control of situations. I'm working on staying calm and handling the
>> incidents matter of factly when dealing with consequences of his actions.
>> I
>> like to have my facts in order, and present them to Deven when I know he
>> has
>>
>> done something he denies, or claims to have forgotten about, then explain
>> to
>>
>> him how I know he did the thing, and that he's lying about it.
>>
>> Rhonda
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Eileen Levin" <eileenlevin at comcast.net>
>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 4:47 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
>> boys
>>
>>
>> The baby monitor sounds like a great idea. My sons have had good
>> parenting
>> and they never hesitate to do whatever they want as soon as they think no
>> one is looking.
>>
>> If you have the money there are companies that will install camera
>> secretly
>> for monitoring purposes.
>>
>>
>> Trust is something that takes time. I have to admit I don't trust
>> anything
>> that come out of my kids. First they are kids and seldom give me a
>> complete
>> story. Second they either don't remember or choose to forget things that
>> seem quite important to me as the parent. LOL I feel boys are more
>> difficult
>> in this because they aren't as talkative as girls generally.
>> Take care,
>> Eileen
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
>> Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 11:37 AM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
>> boys
>>
>> It is challenging. There are a lot of elements here to explain why. Some
>> of
>> what he does is what any kid would do, but I confess I have a hard time
>> letting go when something major happens, so trust is difficult and my
>> guard
>> is up. I'm step mom, real mom treated him badly. So I don't think Deven
>> yet
>> realizes what good parenting is.
>>
>> We have considered a good baby monitor because our business is out back
>> and
>> I'm there a lot, with him inside watching TV when it's cold. Perfect
>> opportunity to not follow rules. He can pull things over on us then, but
>> we
>> want to let him know it doesn't happen often. I think by showing him we
>> know
>>
>> about things he thinks he got away with, he might see we aren't easily
>> fooled.
>>
>> As for me, there are things I need to work on about myself, like not
>> always
>> feeling suspicious of him unless I see reasons to be. It's exhausting to
>> always be looking for the wrongs and not the positives.
>>
>> Thank you much for your ideas, they're good ones.
>>
>> Rhonda
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Eileen Levin" <eileenlevin at comcast.net>
>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 10:37 AM
>> Subject: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for boys
>>
>>
>> Buy only parachute clothing or corduroy so he makes noise everytime he
>> moves. Pad locks, a barking cookie jar, keep important items in your bed
>> room and make it completely off limits to him. Do what ever it takes to
>> regain parental control. Even if you had sight this little boy sounds
>> like
>> a
>> handful and a challenge.
>> Take care,
>> Eileen
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
>> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 11:31 AM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys
>>
>> Deven is not all that inquisitive or observant like your girl is. He has
>> an
>> attention disorder. But if he really enjoys something, he will learn
>> about
>> it to a point, or want to do the activity consistently. He does tell his
>> friends that both his parents have "fake" eyes though, and they find that
>> cool and tell him he's making it up about his dad having them, because
>> they
>> can tell with me, but not with his dad's.
>>
>> The sorts of things I'm talking of are not always good. He will move
>> things
>> from where we have them so we can find them easily; keys, my husband's
>> tools, my office supplies. He will take candy and food without asking, or
>> if
>>
>> we tell him no when he wants it, if dinner is close to being served. He
>> has
>> a healthy environment with us now, but did not come from 1 when he lived
>> with his biological mom. So we are working on helping him feel secure, be
>> honest, not exaggerate things that happen, and know that we love and
>> accept
>> him for who he is, not someone he thinks he needs to say he is. If all of
>> that makes sense.
>>
>> He's very smart when he feels like applying himself. But he gives up on
>> the
>> things that challenge him. When he's good at something like a sport or a
>> game, he is overly competitive, to the point of becoming frustrated and
>> sometimes angry if he loses. So it's going to take time and work from all
>> of
>>
>> us to build him up. I think family time together will help with that.
>>
>> Rhonda
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (IS)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at ngc.com>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 10:17 AM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys
>>
>>
>> Ronda,
>> He may not care how well you thro a ball or frisby, he may just want the
>> time with you. I wasn't the truck playing type until my daughter
>> discovered them and really likes it. So now we play trucks together.
>> Will I ever like it as much as she does, probably not. Still, I enjoy
>> the time with her and it's fun seeing how her mind works.
>> Maybe you could ask him to help you throw and he'd probably like that
>> because even if you never do it well, you're showing him that you care
>> about him, and that you value what he knows, and we all like that.  My
>> daughter is into puzzles, the kind where you have a picture and you have
>> to make the pieces be like the picture. She loves to "help you make
>> puzzle Mommy!". She's so serious about it too, that I think we have a
>> future teacher or something.
>> I'm curious, what stuff does he do thinking you won't notice? My little
>> girl has begun asking about my eyes. She asked me if the doctor could
>> fix Mommy's eyes, then if batteries could do it, and then if Daddy could
>> do it. We then started talking about foods, and she told me she didn't
>> like carrots and I said "Carrots are good for your eyes" and she said
>> "my eyes not broken Mommy, you eyes broken!".
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
>> Sent: Thursday, December 10, 2009 6:40 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys
>>
>> It does feel complicated. I have a similar situation with our 10 year
>> old.
>> He loves war games and anything to do with computer games, TV, Wii, PS2
>> and
>> movies. It's difficult to keep his attention, but he says often how he
>> would
>> like to spend time doing things with us. So we're trying to find things
>> that
>> are interactive, will pull him away from video games and TV, but will
>> also
>> hold his attention. All you can do is keep trying, and share your
>> frustrations with others who understand them. That's where I'm at right
>> now
>> too.
>>
>> Deven likes things for a short time, has a lot of broken toys he played
>> too
>> rough with. That's frustrating too because I have problems buying him
>> new
>> things when I'm afraid he will destroy them, whether on accident or on
>> purpose. Kids like expensive things now, so it's hard to justify
>> spending if
>> it will be broken in a week or 2, plus it hurts our feelings, frustrates
>> us
>> and makes us angry. But I think there are answers and solutions, we just
>>
>> need to find them somewhere, somehow.
>>
>> I really want to show Deven that the blindness thing is not a huge
>> obstacle
>> in terms of parenting him. All kids will test, and I find myself paying
>> close attention to him because he tries to test often, doing things he
>> thinks we won't notice. I want to interact with him more, but I am not
>> the
>> ball playing type, and I can't throw a frisbee worth beans. I think it's
>>
>> important for us, here, to show him we are parents, not blind parents,
>> if
>> that makes sense. But I have turned this into a completely different
>> topic,
>> I see. LOL
>>
>> Rhonda
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Allison (NFBA)" <nfbarizona at gmail.com>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, December 10, 2009 4:26 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys
>>
>>
>> Thanks all for suggestions.
>>
>> Are the nurf balls still fun (and safe) for us to play with if they
>> don't
>> have bells in them?  Has anyone tried this?
>>
>> I'll check out the discovery toys link.  Does anyone have specific
>> suggestions in terms of discovery toys?  I feel a little overwhelmed by
>> all
>> the choices.  Also I need something fairly high action to hold the
>> little
>> guy's interest.  He's used to the fast-paced nature of World of Warcraft
>> and
>> Wii games.  He's a smart kid though.  Grade level in reading and a grade
>> ahead in math.
>>
>> We do have Braille cards that we play Go Fish and War with.  He loves Go
>> Fish.  We have Uno too but he gets bored quickly with that because the
>> games
>> can run so long.  We also have the Freeze-up talking category game that
>> he
>> loved for like a week and now never looks at.  *sigh*.  This feels so
>> complicated.
>>
>> Thanks again,
>> Allison
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Veronica Smith" <madison_tewe at spinn.net>
>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Wednesday, December 09, 2009 7:35 PM
>> Subject: [blparent] fun stuff for boys
>>
>>
>>>I was at Walmart today and scooping out the toy section and saw some
>> really
>>> cool stuff that an 8 year old would love.
>>> Fur Real Friends had a dinosaur.  You put your hand or finger in its
>> mough
>>> and it bites down on you and makes a sound like it is eating your
>> hand.
>>> They also had dogs and cats, monkeys and other critters.
>>> They have Nerf balls and basketball rims and of course my absolute
>>> favorite
>>> Hot Wheel sets.  These are all the things I love to play with, with
>> Gab.
>>> You can be sighted or blind and have a great time with your
>> imagination.
>>> Alison, you can also buy regular playing cars that are Braille and
>> play
>>> games like Go Fish, Crazy Eights and of course War.
>>> V
>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
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