[blparent] Working outside or in the home

Wed Feb 11 13:21:59 UTC 2009

Yes, 6 weeks is so young!  I was very lucky to be able to take 13 weeks,
some of it was without pay, and I had the same health insurance problem, but
it worked out.  I was lucky because my school system had a "sick bank" I
could tap into for extra leave, and Austin was born before Christmas, so I
got an extra week off because of Christmas break.  I'm sure everything will
work out for you!
Thanks for reading!
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jennifer Bazer
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:07 AM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home

Melissa,

What eloquent writing.  Thank you so very much for your thoughts, and yes, I
read it all!  Grin!  You have so many valid points, and I believe, I may
make a decision before the baby is born, and I may have to make changes, and
that is okay.  I will explore all options and visit some local private homes
and day care centers.  

I work for the state of SC, and of course, I have to take leave when I have
my baby.  I will have leave for about 6 weeks, maybe, eight, if I don't have
to take much time off during the year.  If I run out of time, I have to take
leave without pay and then, pay my health insurance.  It is hard for me, at
this stage, to think about placing a six week old infant in a child care
center.  That is so young.  

Thank you again for all the words to think about.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Melissa Ann Riccobono
Sent: Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:07 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home

This is absolutely true...  There are some extremely hard choices, and the
only person who can truly make them is you.  Of course the baby's father
should have a lot to say on the matter as well (smile) but you have to be
comfortable with whatever you decide.  If daycare feels right to you, and
you have work that you love and don't want to give up, then go for it!  Find
a good day care, babysitter, nanny,or whatever and thrive in your work and
being a mother too.  Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for making that
choice--it is your choice to make.  On the other hand, if you want to stay
home, and/or stay at home and work, then do that.  Again, don't let anyone
look down on you for making that choice.  
	I went back to work after my son was 3 months old.  I was working
part time, and I honestly thought this would be the best of both worlds for
me.  I had some days to spend at home with him, and I had my work.  I was a
school counselor, so I knew I would have school breaks, summer vacation,
etc. to spend with him.  I was reasonably satisfied with the day care he was
in.  But, eventually I started to feel I couldn't do either of my jobs well.
I always felt the push and pull--stay late at school and miss time with
Austin, but spend time on my job.  Go right home to pick him up and be
exhausted somedays and feel I wasn't giving him all the attention he needed.
I was counseling everyone else's kids and started to feel bad that my own
wasin day care which, however loving, just wasn't me.  So, at the end of
that school year I quit my job.  I still miss it in some ways, especially
the kids and my coworkers, but I have never really regretted my decision.
	Now that Austin is 2, I have just started putting him in daycare
once a week.  This is because I was recently elected president of the NFB of
Maryland and have to attend a lot of meetings, at least at the moment, for
this position.  I also sell Discovery Toys from home (feel free to email me
off list if you'd like more details it's a great way to earn some extra
money, or even to earn a whole bunch if you want to go that route) and I am
hoping I'll have some time to devote to my business as well.  (So far, that
hasn't happened!)  I certainly had mixed feelings about putting him in day
care.  I really wanted to wiat until he was three and put him in a preschool
program a couple of mornings a week.  But, I also want him to be able to
interact with other children, and I love for him to meet and interact with
new people.  So far, he loves it and has a lot of fun, so I think it's the
right decision.  
	Sorry this is so long...  As you can tell, I have some strong
feelings about this!  I guess to sum this all up I just want to say trust
your gut--some moms are thrilled to stay home and some really need the
stimulation work provides, and some need and find ways to do both.  Find
what works for you.  But, also, be flexible and reevaluate as time goes on.
The great thing is most of the time you're not locked into a decision and
you can change things if you find you don't like what you first decided.
Also, in some ways this is a decision you can only truly make after your
baby is born.  You might think you know what you want to do, but babies have
a strange way of changing your whole world and you might be surprised what
you ultimately decide.  Lastly, talk about this with your partner.  I am
lucky to have a husband who supports me in whatever I want to do.  He was
fine with me working, and would support me if I decided to go to work
fulltime tomorrow.  But, he's also glad I stay home, but also encourages me
to find outlets for myself so I don't get stuck in a rut.  Make sure you
have conversations about this issue before the baby is born to make sure you
are on the same page.  It will save a lot of headaches later.
Just my thoughts...  Thanks for reading if you got this far!
Melissa 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Monday, February 09, 2009 11:41 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home

Hi.  I've been fortunate enough to work from home so I can care for my
daughter at the same time.  But let me tell you, it isn't always easy.  It's

downright stressful when you're trying to get work done and your baby wants
attention, and you feel pulled in different directions.  I'm lucky because I

can set my own hours, which means I work hard at night or when Sarah is
napping, but it takes self-discipline to stick to that when all you want to
do is sleep, or it's been a long day.  The situation wouldn't work for
everybody.  Still, I'm glad I don't have to put my baby into the care of
others right now.

One thing I would say is that if you stay home, it's important to get out
with your baby.  Kids, even at young ages, in my opinion, need to be exposed

to different environments and not just kept in the four walls of your home. 
Sarah and I have a great circle of supportive friends from my church
already, and I don't mind leaving her with them for short periods.  She
hasn't really been around other children much, but I've been looking into a
Mommy and Me group so that she can start to interact with some little ones.

On the other hand, my sister's kids have been in day care for most of their
lives, and they seem to be thriving.  My sister found good home day care,
and now for her youngest, she's chosen a center with music and gym programs.

Her kids have done tumbling, too.  Those activities would have been hard to
provide at home, so there are advantages.  It's really a personal decision,
and you have to decide what is important to you and weigh the pros and cons
of each choice.

Jo Elizabeth

"Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds
water."--Swedish proverb
----- Original Message -----
From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, February 09, 2009 8:02 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home

>I can give my persoanl opinions on this, but just remember they are my 
>opinions. I don't want to scare or discourage anyone from using daycare 
>centers.
> I've worked in childcare for 10 years now. And personally, I never 
>want my

> daughter to be in a daycare center. and she will never ever go to a 
> home daycare unless it is a close friend or family member of mine. I 
> have heard

> too many stories from friends about bad home daycares. And I've 
> experienced one with my nephew. We went to pick him up early one day.
> There was a little boy who had his leg stuck in one of those floor 
> heating

> vents. The daycare provider was telling him to get himself out because 
> it was his fault for taking the cover off in the first place. I didn't 
> like this. The kid should have never been able to get it off. It 
> should have been screwed in tightly. I know accidents happen, but that is
rediculous.
> And the way she handled it definitely wasn't right. My nephew didn't 
> return to that home daycare. Too many things can happen when there is 
> only

> one person about.  I know there are some great home daycares out there. 
> I'm just not a very trusting person when it comes to strangers and my 
> daughter. I run my own home daycare now, so i'm glad there are people 
> that

> do trust and use them. Call me over protective I guess.
> As for centers, do your homework, and do lots of it. There are lots of 
> magnificent centers. There are some ok ones. And there are ones that 
> should have been shut down by the state. I worked in one of the bad 
> ones for less than a week before I put in my two weeks notice. It was 
> shut down

> not long after I left.
> The other centers I worked in were pretty good. But even though they 
> are licensed daycares, rules get broken. Ratios  get exceeded. I quit 
> one of the other daycares I worked at because I was pretty much taking 
> care of 23, 3 year olds on my own. The other person they hired to help 
> me liked to

> call in sick quite a lot. And with budget cuts and all, the center 
> didn't have enough staff to cover when people called in sick. It's 
> little things like that, that make me not want my daughter in a daycare.
> But again, do your homework. pop in to check out the center at all 
> different times of the day. Ask any and all questions you can think to 
> ask. Ask them about ratios and what they do when they are under staffed.
> Ask about the foods they serve, nap times, when children are ill, 
> anything

> and everything you can think to ask about.  Like I said, there are 
> some great centers out there. You just have to find them.
> As for me, I'm fortunate enough right now that I don't have to put my 
> daughter in a daycare. And I'm working on making it so I can continue 
> working from home. This is just my personal preference though. I'm an 
> over

> protective mom who didn't ever think she'd be a mom. And I want my 
> miracle

> baby happy, healthy, and well taken care of at all times. I don't want 
> to risk anything. So for now, the only people taking care of her, are 
> myself and close friends and family.
> Pipi
>
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