[blparent] thanks for the advice

Wed Jan 7 13:42:07 UTC 2009

Dena's post was a good one. 
I do want to offer a different perspective though. 
As I've mentioned before, we didn't find out I was pregnant until six
weeks before I had our daughter. 
We looked into doulas, but found that they were very expensive. We also
found that we could not get one on such "short notice". 
Finally, at the same time we learned I was pregnant, we discovered a
mold problem requiring that our bathroom (and it was our only bathroom)
needed to be gutted and put back together. This meant that I got to go
stay with the soon-to-be grandma for a week, and meant that there was a
very good chance I'd have had our daughter at a different hospital. 
The bathroom renovation cost us $7k, 7 thousand dollars, in case that
isn't clear. 
While all this was going on, husband and I were both working full-time,
and trying to get the house ready meaning that we went from nothing but
the desire to have a baby, to getting the things we needed in under six
weeks. 
Finally, husband and I needed to find childcare, which isn't easy for an
infant. 
What I'm getting at is that depending on circumstances, Dena's
suggestions are not feasible. Doulas are not covered by insurance, at
least not by the insurance we had. 
Childbirth classes as someone suggested were not an option for us,
simply because they were not available (all the ones I found were
scheduled for *after* my delivery window), and with working, the
bathroom renovation, and needing to be at Grandma's, we simply couldn't
fit it in. I also needed to find appropriate care for my guide dog while
I was having the baby. I found two people, one in case I delivered at
the hospital near my house, and another friend who served as backup in
case I delivered at the hospital near my parents.  
What I'm getting at is that if you have time, Dena's suggestions, as
well as the suggestion of childbirth classes are very good. We didn't.
Six weeks seems like a long time, though the pregnancy and childbirth
industry is operating under the assumption that you have nine or more
months to "get prepared". That isn't always the case. 
Finally, hospitals tend to want patients not to question their rules and
policies. The hospital lactation consultants and I in the words of Cool
Hand Luke, had "A failure to communicate". I suspect this had to do more
with my background and approach to language, because she told me
flat-out "I've never worked with a technical person before"
I also questioned the 's insistence that I "watch the newborn channel"
being that the guidelines pediatricians follow say that screen-time is
not a good idea for children under 2. That question didn't go over well.

What I'm getting at Angelina is that childbirth is special as in an
individual/family, though for hospitals and midwives, it should be
routine. Any hospital should be willing and able to deal with you and
your baby on short notice. 
 Oh, and while all this was going on, we were searching for a
pediatrician. This turned out to be the easiest part of the whole
process. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On Behalf Of Tammy, Paul and Colyn
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 7:55 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] thanks for the advice

Hi,
Don't feel bad about worrying for nothing if that's what you're doing.
I am due next month too, and I think there must be a hormone that makes
us worry about everything all the time that gets released in to our
pregnant brains about this time.  Honestly, you should be concentrating
on that little baby inside of you who will need you to take care of him
or her after he or she is born, and everything else will fall in to
place for you.  Just stay calm, learn as much as you can from the nurses
and staff in the hospital, and have as much support around you as you
can get especially after you come home with the baby.  Remember that if
you get asked questions it may not be because of your blindness, and
remember too, that it's okay for you not to know the answers to some
questions people may ask you.  You're a first time parent, and you're
not supposed to have all the answers.

hth

Tammy
----- Original Message -----
From: "Anjelina" <cruz.anjelina at mchsi.com>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 4:27 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] thanks for the advice

> Maybe I'm worrying for nothing.
> Thanks for your suggestions and advice.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On
> Behalf Of Dena Wainwright
> Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 1:04 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>
> One thing I would suggest, particularly if you don't know who will be
> delivering your baby, is to put together a birth plan and bring it
with 
> you
> to the hospital. our birth plan was a page long, and contained
information
> about our preferences regarding the labor, delivery, and post-natal
care 
> for
> me and the baby. some of the things we included were that we wanted my
> husband to be given the option to cut the cord, that one of us needed
to 
> be
> present when they did anything to the baby, that we planned to
breastfeed
> (because sometimes they will offer a baby formula if they don't know 
> this),
> etc. we also put in some very specific highlights about my medical
> history--such as the fact that I cannot have epidurals. the birth plan

> will
> clearly express your wishes, which will be especially important if you
are
> unable to make decisions on your own for whatever reason. also, things
can
> change dramatically when you are in labor--pain is definitely a
strange
> animal.
>
> another thing I would suggest is that you bring a coach or doulah into
the
> delivery room with you. this person will be a constent, no matter who
> performs the delivery, and he or she can advocate on your behalf.
>
> I also agree with what has already been said regarding visiting your
> hospital ahead of time to get a feel for the facilities and the staff.
for
> instance, do they promote rooming in, do they promote moving around
during
> labor, what is their c-section rate, etc.
>
> I also agree that emphasizing your blindness will often make other
people
> focus on it. our birth plan did not say anything about my blindness.
>
> I had an absolutely phenominal hospital experience. not a single
person
> questioned my ability to care for Elise, and no one made any issue of
my
> asking to be shown how to do things. even when I sent Jason home for
the
> night to get some good sleep, no one freaked out about "the sighted 
> parent"
> leaving me alone with our newborn. no one incinuated that I wouldn't
be 
> able
> to breastfeed, or treated me any differently because of my blindness.
the
> only thing they did to accommodate me was that they had each nurse 
> introduce
> the nurse for the upcoming shift to me when she left for the day, so I

> would
> know that the person coming into my room was a hospital employee.
>
> the other amazing thing they did, is that the midwife I had seen 
> throughout
> my pregnancy rearranged her schedule so she could be there for our
birth, 
> so
> I would feel as secure as possible. the staff was incredible at
describing
> everything they were doing to me and to the baby. I felt absolutely
> comfortable and relaxed--totally in control of the whole process.
>
> finally, questions about support are standard. a lot of the reason why

> they
> are asked, is that professionals want to know what sort of environment
the
> baby will be coming home to, and they also want to make sure a new
mother
> isn't isolated (making her more vulnerable to post-natal depression).
>
> hope some of this helps.
>
> Dena
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at pcdesk.net>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 10:10 AM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
>
>
>> Hi, Angelina.  If you haven't done so, consider taking a childbirth
class
>> at the hospital where you will be delivering.  This will not only
give 
>> you
>
>> an idea of what to expect, but it will also start to get you
acquainted
>> with some of the nurses and staff.  That way, your blindness won't be
>> encountered for the first time when you are admitted for labor and
>> delivery.  Also, don't assume every question about your support
system at
>> home is getting asked just because of your blindness.  When a woman
has a
>> baby, especially if she is alone, she needs help--physically and
>> emotionally--when she goes home, blind or not.  If you don't have
family
>> nearby, lean on your friends. Be specific in what you need.  People
want
>> to help, but they say, "Call me if you need anything."  Then you
don't
>> know what to ask for, or when to call.  Suggest that your friends
could
>> drop over for short visits, maybe bring prepared or frozen meals.
But
>> anyway, don't assume the doctors or nurses are asking you about your
>> support system because of your blindness. I had a few ask me if I
would
>> have help at home, I just said yes, and that was the end of the
matter.
>>
>> Good luck,
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> It is easy--terribly easy--to shake a man's faith in himself. To take
>> advantage of that to break a man's spirit is devil's work. Take care
of
>> what you are doing. Take care.--George Bernard Shaw in "Candide"
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Anjelina" <cruz.anjelina at mchsi.com>
>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 12:25 AM
>> Subject: [blparent] (no subject)
>>
>>
>>> Hi there list,
>>> I'm due next month and was wondering did you take any additional
steps
>>> for
>>> dealing with people that might be uncomfortable with blindness? The
>>> doctor
>>> I've been seeing me throughout my pregnancy will not be delivering
so I
>>> was
>>> looking for any suggestions for dealing with a new hospital on such 
>>> short
>>> notice.
>>> Hope that makes sense.
>>
>>
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