[blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit

[Leslie Hamric]

Hi Debbie.  I agree with what you're saying a hundred percent.  After all,
your daughter's best interest and safety is what you have in mind and that
always comes first.  I also agree that if our kids see others treating us
disrespectfully, they'll pick up on those attitudes and start thinking less
of us because we can't see.  I like the way you refer to it as a 0
tollerance policy. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Leslie

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Deborah Kent Stein
Sent: Friday, November 20, 2009 9:24 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit



Dear Jo Elizabeth,

I think you are completely right to be concerned about this situation, and I

second most of the comments others have made on the list.  When my daughter 
was growing up I tried to follow what I thought of as a zero-tolerance 
policy toward any comments or behavior from others that might undermine my 
daughter's respect for me.  I think that if our kids witness others treating

us disrespectfully in any way, and see that we don't take charge of the 
situation, then they can easily pick up those behaviors and attitudes, 
feeling it is condoned by others.  At times I had to have some painfully 
difficult conversations with friends, but I felt that the discomfort was a 
small price to pay in the long run.

One of the very best pieces of advice I got from another blind mom was to 
insist that everyone hold hands with my daughter when they went out with 
her.  It took a lot of reminders, but I think most people did it, to humor 
me at least even if they didn't understand the actual reason.  As a result 
my daughter expected to hold an adult's hand on the street or crossing a 
parking-lot, and I had very few problems with her trying to dash away.

Follow your instincts; when something feels wrong, you can be pretty sure it

is wrong!

Debbie

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at pcdesk.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, November 19, 2009 2:56 PM
Subject: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit


> I've been coming up against a situation that is troubling me a little, and

> I'm looking for some feedback.  I guess I need to know whether I'm 
> overreacting, and there's nothing to be worried about, or if there is 
> something to be concerned about and what I ought to do.
>
> Sarah is almost 21 months old now, and I stay at home with her.  She holds

> my hand when we leave the house, and I've also got one of those animal 
> backpack harnesses for her.  But around the house, she's taken to running 
> away from me when it's time for me to change her diaper or put her to bed 
> and she isn't interested in doing those things.  I know that's normal 
> toddler behavior, so I don't take it personally.  But I also know there's 
> no way I can chase her and catch up with her, so I don't want to set that 
> up as a pattern.  I just stay in one place and call her, keeping the mood 
> light, and she usually comes to me soon enough.  No big deal.
>
> The problem is, her dad and some sighted friends have chased her and 
> scooped her up, and a couple of times I've heard them say stuff like, 
> "Well, I can see, so I don't have to wait for you to come to me," or "It's

> hard to get away from someone who can see you, isn't it?"
>
> My worry is, will this start establishing the idea in Sarah's mind that 
> Mom can't see, so she can't keep up, or she can't do what needs doing?  I 
> don't think anybody has meant to be harmful or thoughtless, but wouldn't 
> it be better to have everybody following the no chasing rule?  If so, is 
> there a practical, realistic way to break the chasing habit in other 
> caregivers, or at least stop the comments?
>
> Thanks for thinking about this with me.
>
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify 
> the hunters.--African Proverb
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