[blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

Tue Sep 1 13:52:11 UTC 2009

Hopefully when deciding, there is video of you to see the child.  We did 
not.  They cannot tell you everything about a child in the little blurbs. 
Sometimes they even portray them to be more "normal" than they are.  For 
instance, we knew are twins were blind and developmentally delayed but had 
no inkling of the autism.
Now, I know, no one wants to put labels like that on a child because that 
scares people away.
Then again, the extra stuff you get are the unpredictables that every parent 
of a natural-born child encounters.
It is nice to aim high, though but be open to that child that captures your 
heart.
Barbara

If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care:  of whom 
you speak, to whom you speak, and how and when and where.

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Sherry DeFrancesco" <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 11:00 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

>
> Hello Rebecca,
> Thank you for your questions and suggestions. I will paste your questions 
> here and answer each one so that all who are following this thread can 
> easily read...
> 1. It sounds like you want a child past the toddler phase, one who can
> walk and talk reliably and who is also blind/ has low vision. This is a
> tall order, there just not be that many children up for adoption
> matching that criteria.
>
> A:Sorry for the misunderstanding, I was specifically referring to older 
> children-ages 6-12 here in the U.S. foster care system that cannot walk, 
> talk, feed themselves, and some are on feeding tubes and ventilators. This 
> is total care, and not what we are seeking. These children are in foster 
> homes with nurses and trained foster parents and home health aids that 
> care for these children-this is their life's work.  There are hundreds of 
> waiting children from all over the world that range from age 9 months to 
> 10 years, and perhaps older. We have viewed descriptions, photos, video, 
> and medical reports on many. Our criteria is what we, the adoptive parents 
> feel that we desire in our child and what other medical or severe physical 
> disabilities that we are equipped, prepared and willing to accept or not. 
> All children, no matter what age, who are waiting in orphanages for a 
> family, do suffer trauma in one way or another, and are going to have 
> developmental delays regardless of other unseen and unknown conditions. 
> Believe me, we have done our homework, and our criteria is not 
> unreasonable. There are a lot of children out there, and yes, to answer 
> the next question...
> I'm curious as to why you think this is a discriminatory blindness issue?
> A: Because it has been blatenly said over and over. When dealing with 
> international adoption, we have no control over their laws, beliefs and 
> systems. For example, China has it in their laws that blind parents can 
> adopt blind children, and that deaf parents can adopt deaf children.  Some 
> countries do not have any laws regarding blind parents, and this is 
> probably because they do not believe that blind parents would be capable 
> or even apply, and the same with the children; often children with severe 
> disabilities, including blindness are not even registered with the 
> government until age 3 or higher, because there is no hurry because they 
> believe that nobody would want to adopt them. So, the disabled kids are 
> posted for a short period of time, and then shipped to mental institutions 
> to live out the remainder of their lives. It is a very sad world out there 
> for orphan children.
> 2. Have you asked a social worker you trust to do some dry-run interviews 
> with you? It might be that you are or are not saying something that is 
> giving somebody the willies, something like "We want an older child 
> because we don't want to get up at night with a baby." or
> "we want an older child because we need a child to talk so we know what 
> he/she needs".
> A: Let me assure you that we have not said anything out of line or that 
> would give anyone anything to question. Good thinking though, and thank 
> you for mentioning it.
> We have a completed home study with full support from our Social Worker.
>
> You are to be commended for your honesty in your openness in wanting to
> be more then a medical guardian.
> A: Honesty to oneself and others is very important when making a lifelong 
> commitment like this one. It is most important to know what you are and 
> are not comfortable accepting in a child that you are going to bring into 
> your home, love, support no matter what, even if that child is not capable 
> of giving that love back to you. Educating oneself, as well as thorough 
> preparation is the best way to get into something as large as adoption, 
> because there will be unknowns no matter what.
>
> I'd be curious to know why you want a blind or low-vision child? All
> children need loving homes. Why are blind or low vision kids of special 
> concern to you?
> A: My husband and I both lost our eyesight later in life, myself at age 23 
> and Joe at age 30. We all know that kids can grow up to be productive, 
> active, happy people when they are given the right tools, education, 
> support and environment that will allow for that child to reach his/her 
> highest potential. This is true for any child, but we are talking about 
> blind or vision impaired children. We feel strongly that we can provide a 
> child that is blind with all of the things that I mentioned and more 
> because we live as independent blind people and can serve as true role 
> models for our child. We have a passion and strong desire to adopt a child 
> that is vision impaired because we can provide the necessary resources to 
> that child so he/she can reach their highest potential; to give a kid a 
> chance; every child deserves a chance at a good life. The blind children 
> in these different countries are not well cared for, often do not ever 
> attend school, or get nearly the attention and interventions they will 
> need; often end up in cribs and unable to walk; and adoptive parents are 
> afraid of blindness.  If we could just help one kid, that would mean so 
> much.
> Yes, we have great concern for all of the children all over the world, but 
> the vision impaired children have a special place in our hearts because we 
> believe that we can help them the most.
>
> is a blind couple Buddy and Melanie Brennan who have adopted a
> child from the Ukraine. I don't know if their daughter is blind or not.
> I don't have Buddy's email address, but he is on the NAGDU list. Perhaps
> you can Google for him and send him a note.
> Thank you, I will do this.
>
> I hope I was able to clarify some things above. Thanks again for your 
> questions and suggestions. We appreciate all of the input.
> Best wishes,  Sherry
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (IS)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at ngc.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 3:51 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>
>
>>A couple thoughts here;
>> 1. It sounds like you want a child past the toddler phase, one who can
>> walk and talk reliably and who is also blind/ has low vision. This is a
>> tall order, there just not be that many children up for adoption
>> matching that criteria.
>> I'm curious as to why you think this is a discriminatory blindness
>> issue?
>> 2. Have you asked a social worker you trust to do some dry-run
>> interviews with you? It might be that you are or are not saying
>> something that is giving somebody the willies, something like "We want
>> an older child because we don't want to get up at night with a baby." or
>> "we want an older child because we need a child to talk so we know what
>> he/she needs".
>> You are to be commended for your honesty in your openness in wanting to
>> be more then a medical guardian.
>> I'd be curious to know why you want a blind or low-vision child? All
>> children need loving homes. Why are blind or low vision kids of special
>> concern to you?
>> There is a blind couple Buddy and Melanie Brennan who have adopted a
>> child from the Ukraine. I don't know if their daughter is blind or not.
>> I don't have Buddy's email address, but he is on the NAGDU list. Perhaps
>> you can Google for him and send him a note.
>> Good luck to you.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On Behalf Of Sherry DeFrancesco
>> Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 4:43 PM
>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>
>> Dear Blind Parent Listers,
>>
>> We are a married couple that is totally blind, and have been trying to
>> adopt a child that is blind or visually impaired for the past two years.
>> It has been a long and exhausting journey due to misconceptions and
>> false beliefs about the abilities of parents who are blind. We have a
>> New York state Foster Parent License, and a completed home study for
>> international adoption. We have tried the New York foster care system,
>> as well as International adoption agencies. New York state did not
>> locate a child that is blind or vision impaired in the NY state foster
>> care system, and we have been turned down by China, India and Russia.
>> There are thousands of blind and vision impaired children out there all
>> over the world who need loving homes including right here in the United
>> States. If anyone out there has any information where we can find blind
>> or vision impaired children in the U.S. in need of a forever family, or
>> successfully adopted a child either domestically or internationally, and
>> can lend some advice/guidance and/or resources to locate the support and
>> understanding that we will need to complete a successful adoption,
>> please contact me privately if you are willing at:
>> sdefrancesco at optonline.net
>>
>> I am also willing to discuss on the list if appropriate, however, a
>> private conversation may be more appropriate-either way is fine with me.
>>
>>
>> Thank you.
>>
>> Best wishes ~ Sherry DeFrancesco
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>
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