[blparent] need to think something out

[Deborah Kent Stein]

Dear Scott,

It sounds like you're really struggling, and it's good that you're trying to 
think about all of these painful feelings.  Lots of parents go through 
periods of extreme stress and even ambivalence taking care of young 
children.  It can be exhausting and lonely.  I read once that in some ways 
having a baby is like acquiring a new disability; one can feel hampered from 
doing one's normal activities, and very cut off from others.  From what you 
say, though, it sounds like you and Cindy have some deep issues to sort out 
between you.  We're really not equipped to help at that level on this list, 
apart from offering our caring and support.  You might be wise to look into 
getting some counseling to help you work out these issues between the two of 
you.  It can be very valuable to work together with a neutral third party.

Debbie




----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 12:01 PM
Subject: [blparent] need to think something out


> Hi.
>
> I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could 
> use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just using 
> the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>
> Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on her. 
> She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood anyway so 
> I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over the top.
>
> Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a little. 
> Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I don't think 
> I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how temporary things are.
> She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does and 
> part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite 
> ambivalent.
>
> For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much 
> honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>
> I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is 
> worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either her 
> or I actually.
>
> But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and it 
> won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>
> I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>
> We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean up 
> and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better with 
> the laundry.
>
> Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but taking 
> care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>
> It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all that. 
> I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>
> I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>
> I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide 
> right now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted to 
> leave, it would be better now than later.
>
> I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a 
> support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>
> I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her and 
> I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty image 
> and I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things really 
> concern me.
>
> No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I haven't 
> enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited about having 
> this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this child more than 
> I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who can at least tell 
> you what they need to some extent.
>
> I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write 
> some things out a bit.
>
>
>
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