[blparent] need to think something out

Tue Apr 6 22:36:59 UTC 2010

Scott,
I am glad u r going to hang in there. Good luck with everything.

Eva
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 4:51 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out

> Hi.
>
> Thanks to all of you for your encouragement.
>
> I'm going to hang in there so I told Cindy that she'll just have to fire 
> me more.  It's a running joke in the family that when I do something 
> goofy, she says "You're fired".  She's going to teach Leah to say that too 
> so hearing it from a 3 year old will be quite amusing.
>
> I've often wondered if dad's get ppd so maybe I'll google it while the 
> baby is napping.
>
> Scott
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Allie" <alliemartins at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 2:44 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out
>
>
>> Hi Scott,
>>
>> I am glad you decided to share this with us. It makes me feel a little 
>> better that there are other people who are experiencing similar emotions 
>> that I did soon after my daughter was born. I know they say that 
>> postpartum depression isn't all that uncommon for moms, but how about 
>> dads?
>>
>> How much time are you and Cindy spending together now that you have the 
>> baby? I think that is one of the things that it's easy to forget about 
>> with the added responsibility of a child. Your relationship with Cindy 
>> needs as much nurturing and attention now as it did before the baby was 
>> born. A few hours alone to do things that you enjoy together can make all 
>> the difference!
>>
>> I know it isn't of much comfort to have people say to you that infancy is 
>> short-lived. I was there, and I remember the agony and stress of some of 
>> those days, but I promise it gets a little easier. Right now you have a 
>> tiny baby who is completely vulnerable and dependent on you and Cindy for 
>> all her needs. That is stressful, especially if you ever feel like you 
>> might be the only one who does most of the caregiving. Soon she'll be 
>> holding her own bottle and crawling around and running and talking up a 
>> storm and getting into things she shouldn't. Those are all different 
>> phases in her life that will be fun and challenging in their own way. 
>> <SMILE>
>>
>> When you write up a list of the most important people in your life, are 
>> you at the top of that list? For many people, the answer is no. It's so 
>> easy to keep doing for others and forget about our needs. Your daughter 
>> is important, maybe one of the most important people in your world, but 
>> you need to be most important. It's not selfish to want some time to 
>> yourself. Take it if you need it. Parents are not supposed to have 
>> superhuman abilities.
>>
>> Don't make any life-altering decisions just yet, because it's really easy 
>> to think negatively when you're stressed out. I really believe that you 
>> are stressed out, and if your feelings of resentment about the baby don't 
>> go away, you might need to seek out a third party's help.
>>
>> Hang in there.
>> -- Allie
>>
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 10:01 AM
>> Subject: [blparent] need to think something out
>>
>>
>>> Hi.
>>>
>>> I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could 
>>> use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just 
>>> using the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>>>
>>> Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on 
>>> her. She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood 
>>> anyway so I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over 
>>> the top.
>>>
>>> Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a 
>>> little. Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I 
>>> don't think I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how 
>>> temporary things are.
>>> She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does 
>>> and part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite 
>>> ambivalent.
>>>
>>> For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much 
>>> honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>>>
>>> I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is 
>>> worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either 
>>> her or I actually.
>>>
>>> But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and 
>>> it won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>>>
>>> I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>>>
>>> We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean 
>>> up and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better 
>>> with the laundry.
>>>
>>> Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but 
>>> taking care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>>>
>>> It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all 
>>> that. I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>>>
>>> I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>>>
>>> I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide 
>>> right now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted 
>>> to leave, it would be better now than later.
>>>
>>> I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a 
>>> support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>>>
>>> I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her 
>>> and I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty 
>>> image and I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things 
>>> really concern me.
>>>
>>> No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I 
>>> haven't enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited 
>>> about having this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this 
>>> child more than I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who 
>>> can at least tell you what they need to some extent.
>>>
>>> I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write 
>>> some things out a bit.
>>>
>>>
>>>
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>>
>>
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>
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