[blparent] need to think something out

Tue Apr 6 21:51:41 UTC 2010

Hi.

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement.

I'm going to hang in there so I told Cindy that she'll just have to fire me 
more.  It's a running joke in the family that when I do something goofy, she 
says "You're fired".  She's going to teach Leah to say that too so hearing 
it from a 3 year old will be quite amusing.

I've often wondered if dad's get ppd so maybe I'll google it while the baby 
is napping.

Scott
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Allie" <alliemartins at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 2:44 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out

> Hi Scott,
>
> I am glad you decided to share this with us. It makes me feel a little 
> better that there are other people who are experiencing similar emotions 
> that I did soon after my daughter was born. I know they say that 
> postpartum depression isn't all that uncommon for moms, but how about 
> dads?
>
> How much time are you and Cindy spending together now that you have the 
> baby? I think that is one of the things that it's easy to forget about 
> with the added responsibility of a child. Your relationship with Cindy 
> needs as much nurturing and attention now as it did before the baby was 
> born. A few hours alone to do things that you enjoy together can make all 
> the difference!
>
> I know it isn't of much comfort to have people say to you that infancy is 
> short-lived. I was there, and I remember the agony and stress of some of 
> those days, but I promise it gets a little easier. Right now you have a 
> tiny baby who is completely vulnerable and dependent on you and Cindy for 
> all her needs. That is stressful, especially if you ever feel like you 
> might be the only one who does most of the caregiving. Soon she'll be 
> holding her own bottle and crawling around and running and talking up a 
> storm and getting into things she shouldn't. Those are all different 
> phases in her life that will be fun and challenging in their own way. 
> <SMILE>
>
> When you write up a list of the most important people in your life, are 
> you at the top of that list? For many people, the answer is no. It's so 
> easy to keep doing for others and forget about our needs. Your daughter is 
> important, maybe one of the most important people in your world, but you 
> need to be most important. It's not selfish to want some time to yourself. 
> Take it if you need it. Parents are not supposed to have superhuman 
> abilities.
>
> Don't make any life-altering decisions just yet, because it's really easy 
> to think negatively when you're stressed out. I really believe that you 
> are stressed out, and if your feelings of resentment about the baby don't 
> go away, you might need to seek out a third party's help.
>
> Hang in there.
> -- Allie
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 10:01 AM
> Subject: [blparent] need to think something out
>
>
>> Hi.
>>
>> I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could 
>> use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just 
>> using the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>>
>> Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on her. 
>> She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood anyway so 
>> I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over the top.
>>
>> Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a 
>> little. Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I 
>> don't think I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how 
>> temporary things are.
>> She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does and 
>> part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite 
>> ambivalent.
>>
>> For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much 
>> honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>>
>> I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is 
>> worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either 
>> her or I actually.
>>
>> But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and 
>> it won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>>
>> I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>>
>> We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean up 
>> and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better with 
>> the laundry.
>>
>> Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but 
>> taking care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>>
>> It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all that. 
>> I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>>
>> I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>>
>> I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide 
>> right now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted 
>> to leave, it would be better now than later.
>>
>> I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a 
>> support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>>
>> I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her and 
>> I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty 
>> image and I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things 
>> really concern me.
>>
>> No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I 
>> haven't enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited about 
>> having this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this child 
>> more than I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who can at 
>> least tell you what they need to some extent.
>>
>> I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write 
>> some things out a bit.
>>
>>
>>
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>
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