[blparent] need to think something out
David Andrews
dandrews at visi.com
Wed Apr 7 02:31:46 UTC 2010
I hope you can and will get the support you need on this list -- but
I just want to remind everybody that this, and all our lists are
archived, and searchable from Google, Bing etc. So, anything you
write may have a life.
Dave
At 12:01 PM 4/6/2010, you wrote:
>Hi.
>
>I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I
>could use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as
>maybe just using the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>
>Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on
>her. She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood
>anyway so I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very
>over the top.
>
>Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a
>little. Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and
>I don't think I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how
>temporary things are.
>She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me
>does and part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because
>it's quite ambivalent.
>
>For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that
>much honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>
>I just don't know. It's not a question of whether either one of us
>is worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for
>either her or I actually.
>
>But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that
>and it won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>
>I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>
>We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I
>clean up and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and
>I'm better with the laundry.
>
>Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but
>taking care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>
>It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all
>that. I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>
>I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>
>I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to
>decide right now whether to leave or not. She did say though that
>if I wanted to leave, it would be better now than later.
>
>I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a
>support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>
>I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding
>her and I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not
>a pretty image and I'd never do something like that but those sorts
>of things really concern me.
>
>No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I
>haven't enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited
>about having this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted
>this child more than I. I do better with kids who can actually
>talk and who can at least tell you what they need to some extent.
>
>I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to
>write some things out a bit.
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