[blparent] need to think something out

Tue Apr 6 22:27:46 UTC 2010

Hi Scott.  As a first time mom, I can relate to the feelings your are
experiencing and please be assured they are normal.  That is, provided they
don't last all day and impair your ability to function and take care of the
baby.  One thing to remember is if you're miserable, the baby will pick up
on it.  If you're happy, the baby wil pick up on that too.  If you're
frustrated, the baby will also pick up on that.  I've had a lot of ups and
downs about motherhood myself.  One minute, I think it's the best thing ever
and another minute, it's like, what in the world were we thinking?  Here are
some things I do that help.  If I'm feeling down, I try to do something to
distract myself like turn on a funny movie/TV show, listen to a favorite CD,
or read part of a book.  Deep breathing also helps too, especially in a
frustrating moment like when the baby's squirming around during a diaper
change.  Deep breathing also helps when the baby just won't stop crying and
you've tried everything.  Trying to think in the present also helps too.
Something I say to myself is, yesterday's gone, the future hasn't happened
yet.  Yes, by all means, take some time for yourself and for you and Cindy.
A few minutes a day is better than nothing.  Try to sleep when the baby's
sleeping which isn't always easy but it helps.  One thing that helps me is
this; if I ever feel too overwhelmed when the baby's crying or  just can't
handle it, I put him in his crib and simply walk away for a few minutes to
cool off.  When I come back, I feel more calm, more centered, like I can
handle the task at hand again.  If you don't feel comfortable walking away,
call a friend, neighbor, or relative to come and watch the baby while you
have a little break.  If you find your feelings of resentment don't go away
after a time, You might want to consider seeking professional help.
Sometimes having a third party present while sorting out issues can make all
the difference in the world.  Hang in there.
Leslie
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Scott Lawlor
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 12:01 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] need to think something out

Hi.

I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could use

a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just using the 
group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.

Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on her. 
She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood anyway so I 
was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over the top.

Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a little. 
Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I don't think I

can go through the baby stage again, no matter how temporary things are.
She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does and 
part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite 
ambivalent.

For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much 
honestly, I take care of the baby alright.

I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is 
worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either her 
or I actually.

But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and it 
won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.

I'm not sure if resent is the right word.

We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean up 
and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better with 
the laundry.

Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but taking 
care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.

It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all that. 
I'm not sure what it is exactly.

I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.

I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide right

now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted to leave, 
it would be better now than later.

I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a support

role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.

I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her and I 
had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty image and

I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things really concern 
me.

No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I haven't 
enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited about having 
this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this child more than 
I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who can at least tell 
you what they need to some extent.

I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write 
some things out a bit.

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