[blparent] Birthday Parties

[Veronica Smith]

Allison, my daughter turned 11 in October and we too had a bowling alley
party.  I know exactly how you felt as I too felt that way.  The first thing
I did though, was decided that I was not going to be the best hostess as I
have been to the bowling alley before and already knew I cannot hear a thing
there.  So I asked 2 of my very best friends to help me out.  I explained to
them my situation and they were understanding.  So we ate first and this I
could  do, I set the tables with decorations, balloons, plates, streamers,
etc.  I was there to greet kids and parents and I was very assertive with
the kids telling them they had to stay in the eating area until we were all
done.  My friends and my husband acted as guards to make sure the kids did
as I said.  After food, including cake was done, my 2 friends ushered the
kids into the alley area to retrieve shoes and balls.  My husband guided me
to the area where our kids would be bowling and I planted myself nearest to
the lane where my birthday girl was.  I visited with the parents that
congregated in that area.  My 2 friends helped the kids get the score cards
up and I already had given directions on who was in what lane.  The whole
time I have to remind myself, the party was not for me.
 When done, we all retreated back to the eating area where gifts were
opened.   Again my friends, helped the kids locate their shoes and socks and
I sat with the  birthday girl and wrote down who gave her what.
When all was said and  done, I was exhausted.
I'd like to say hanging out in loud places is easy, but it is quite
difficult and I commend you for taking your child there as I know plenty of
blind parents that wouldn't go to places for all the money in the world. As
for Chuck-E-Cheeze, I usually hang with the other parents or I tag along
with my child.  I have a rule, I only give her a few tokens at a time, this
way she has to come back to me every little while for more. V 


-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Allison
Sent: Sunday, December 12, 2010 12:54 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Birthday Parties


Hi all,

I'd like to know a little more about how you guys, as blind parents,  manage

birthday parties
for your kids.  Just
as a little background, Nathaniel, AKA Bubba, is my 9-year-old stepson.  I
have been in his life since age 7.  He and his dad are both sighted and I'm
blind.    Bubba and I have a great relationship and get along well.

Now onto my experience with birthday parties... We let Bubba pick out the
location for his 9th birthday party last
month.  He chose the bowling alley.  This sounded okay by me and I didn't
really give it any thought from a blindness perspective.   So his dad and I
went ahead with
planning his party, guests, food, activities, etc.  I thought that I had a
pretty good idea in my head of how the afternoon would go.  I felt fairly
confident about it.  When we got there on the day of the party, I realized
that I didn't account for one big thing.  A kid-filled bowling alley on a
Saturday afternoon is incredibly loud!I don't do a lot of bowling so I don't
have a great grasp of what's a common sound level for one, but I don't think
they're always as bad as this one was.  On top of that, I wasn't that well
oriented to the alley.  I had only been there once or twice before that day.
So basically, I had an incredibly hard time participating in the party.  It
was awful.  Normally, I use my ears to help orient myself, but I couldn't 
really do
that in the alley because there was loud music, pins, and conversation.  I
could hardly pick my own kids voice out of the crowd, let alone keep track
of 7 of his friends.  I tried to help with little things like getting balls
for the kids, passing plates,  or sorting gifts, but I was fairly
unsuccessful because I had no idea where anything was.  Thankfully
Bubba's dad and grandparents helped run the party and everything went
well, but I felt so frustrated because I didn't really contribute anything
useful to the event.  I just hung out with other adult family members and
friends, and talked to the kids... when I could find them.  My boyfriend,
Bubba's dad, tried to include me in party activities when he could, but
he was rushed and frantic trying to keep things running smoothly for the
kids.  I think he was feeling totally overwhelmed himself.  I made sure to
give Bubba a ton of attention when I could, so I don't think he felt
that I wasn't participating, but I feel like I wasn't.  I felt more like an
extra body.

Okay.  So I learned a little something about pre-planning when it comes to
birthday parties.  I learned the hard way that I have to, at the very least,
try to orient myself to a party location ahead of time.  But I still wonder,
how/what do we do with our kids in loud chaotic places crowded with child
activity?  I wonder this because, last weekend we took Nathaniel to a
birthday party for the son of some family friends.  This party was at Chucky
Cheese.  And it felt a little like the bowling alley party all over again.
I
didn't have any responsibilities that time because I wasn't organizing the
party, but still the noise and crowd made it hard for me to navigate and
independently interacte with other adults and children.

So, could some of you please share your experiences with birthday parties?
If you have any techniques or suggestions I'd really appreciate them.

Thanks,

Allison


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