[blparent] Anxious

Fri May 28 20:45:43 UTC 2010

Hi Stacy.  I want to reassure you that, even though these cases do come up 
too often, it isn't all the time.  Like many others on this list, I had a 
very positive experience with the hospital where my daughter was born. 
Because I had dealt with some trouble from members of my own family, who 
doubted my abilities as a new parent, I went into the hospital with a lot of 
straightforward questions.  I wanted to be sure nobody was going to decide 
my baby needed protection and order in the troops.  Everyone at the hospital 
was supportive and compassionate.  I was asked a few times by a doctor and a 
hospital social worker if I would have help at home, and I said I would.  I 
didn't get the impression that I was answering such questions because of my 
blindness.  Especially after having my baby by C-section, I realized how 
important it truly is to have a network of people who can step in and help 
from time to time.  It isn't because of a visual impairment, it's because 
parenting can be downright challenging, and any parent needs support.  My 
daughter is two years old now, and just yesterday I called a sighted friend 
to make an emergency run to Wal-Mart for me because my little girl figured 
out how to open the gate on our porch by herself and escape to liberty, and 
I wanted a padlock.  Could I have gotten to Wal-Mart to buy the lock 
myself--sure, but Sarah was in a bathing suit, blissfully playing with her 
water table, and I knew my friend was running errands anyway.  Could I have 
kept her safely on the porch or in the house till her dad came home so he 
could get the lock?  Sure, but why confine her inside or stand by the gate 
all day.  What I'm saying is, it never hurts to have allies in the business 
of raising a child.  Two friends of mine are going to take me on a girl's 
night out tomorrow night since my birthday was last week, no kids allowed, 
and that's a bigger deal than you would think.

Anyway, I wouldn't let reports of difficult experiences get you discouraged 
before you have to be because, honestly, why borrow trouble!  Find a doctor 
and a hospital you can be comfortable with when the time comes.  And know 
that, in case you do get an overzealous professional that calls out the 
cavalry, you have recourse through organizations like the NFB or the ACB or 
Through the Looking Glass and people on lists llike these.  I wish you the 
best in starting your family.

Jo Elizabeth

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Dena Wainwright" <dena at envogueaccess.com>
Sent: Friday, May 28, 2010 2:26 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Anxious

> Hi:
>
> Please try to put your mind at ease. This absolutely does not happen to 
> every blind mother who goes into the hospital to give birth. I had similar 
> fears when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I'm not sure I'll ever 
> totally relax when it comes to feeling like I'm being watched by medical 
> professionals. But I had the most wonderful, compassionate, helpful 
> hospital staff a person could ask for when I gave birth to my daughter. 
> They were accommodating, encouraging, and simply fantastic.
>
> When the nurse on duty was leaving at the end of her shift, she would 
> always introduced me to the one who would be taking over for her so I 
> would know that she was an employee of the hospital who was allowed to 
> handle my baby. In fact, in terms of security, I think they were even more 
> protective of me and my baby than they might otherwise have been. The 
> morning after my daughter was born, my husband returned to the hospital 
> minus his wrist band. My daughter happened to be at the nurse's station 
> when he got there (we had been having some problems with her breathing 
> (mucus in her lungs), and I wanted them to keep an eye on her for me to 
> make sure nothing went wrong again (she had turned blue during the 
> night)). Even though they probably knew exactly who he was, they insisted 
> that they needed to call me to come collect her before they would release 
> her. They wouldn't even let him touch her until I arrived.
>
> They described everything that happened during my labor and delivery, and 
> told me everything they were doing when they interacted with her. They 
> were totally open to teaching me how to do some of the things I was less 
> comfortable with. The midwives at my prenatal practice even rearranged 
> their whole week's schedule so that the midwife I was most familiar with 
> could be with me during my birth.
>
> At first I really believed they were treating me this way because my 
> husband is sighted, but even when I sent him home every night so he 
> wouldn't have to sleep in the crappy hospital cot, they were amazing. 
> There was never the "Holy shit. The sighted parent has left the building." 
> vibe I was expecting to have to deal with. There was never the subtle, 
> "Perhaps we should take the baby to the nursery for awhile." suggestions.
>
> What I would suggest is that, when you are at a point where you want to 
> get pregnant, you begin interviewing doctors and hospitals. Don't settle. 
> Find someone you are totally at ease with, and someone who is completely 
> comfortable with your blindness. Be as canded with them as you need to be 
> to make sure they believe in your abilities.
>
> Get as much practice with other people's babies as you can before hand. 
> This is something I wish I had done, as I think it would have increased my 
> level of confidence. If you have good friends or relatives with children, 
> ask them to show you how to do things like change a diaper, bathe a baby, 
> do a feeding (with a bottle or spoon, depending on the child's age).
>
> Do what you're already doing: Get in touch with other blind parents. Join 
> a MOMS Club or similar organization, so you will have local support when 
> your baby comes home. This made a huge difference to my pediatrician: The 
> fact that I had a network.
>
> Read books about caring for babies, and the process of giving birth. Talk 
> with other parents who will be open and honest with you about what 
> parenthood is really like. Obviously, every situation is different, but it 
> will help you feel more relaxed if you feel like you're not going into 
> motherhood totally clueless.
>
> Ask questions in an intelligent and calm way. I definitely did not know 
> everything about caring for a newborn when I had my daughter. I didn't 
> pretend to know everything, either. I told one of my nurses that, as a 
> blind teenager, I never really got the chance to babysit, so my experience 
> with babies was limited. I asked her to show me how to change my daughter, 
> and explained that I wanted to know how to care for her the best way I 
> could. Once she had given me the lesson, I asked her to watch me do it the 
> next time. Maybe, because I actively involved them, and made it clear I 
> wanted to learn, and I wanted them to tell me if I was doing something 
> wrong, they felt more confident that I really was trying to be the best 
> mother I could for my daughter.
>
> Take an infant first-aid and CPR class. The Red Cross will even send an 
> instructor to your home if you can get a group of interested people 
> together. I took the certification when my daughter was 8 months old, and 
> it really helped me. I hope to never have to deal with choking or the 
> other things I learned about, but I feel better knowing I would know what 
> to do if something serious happened. Most hospitals offer other parenting 
> classes as well.
>
> I know all of this seems overwhelming. It isn't fair that we should have 
> to feel like we need to jump through more hoops than sighted people to 
> prove our competance. But the reality is: We do. Surround yourself with 
> supportive and helpful people, arm yourself with as much information as 
> you can, prepare yourself for the worst, but expect the best.
>
> If you'd like to email me offlist, feel free. I'm not sure where you're 
> located. I'm in MN.
>
> Dena
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Nikki Fugett-Dobens" <nfugett at cinci.rr.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, May 28, 2010 11:46 AM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Anxious
>
>
>> Stacey,
>> Hi.  My husband and I are both completely blind, and we have a 22 month 
>> old daughter.  We didn't run in to problems like these at the hospital, 
>> or throughout my prenatal care appointments.  One time, a nurse asked me 
>> if I would have help when I first got home right before I had Mackenzie, 
>> and I told her that I would have someone who was visually impaired to 
>> kind of show me the ropes.  I hadn't had much experience with babies, so 
>> I was nervous. I explained that the reason someone who was blind was 
>> helping me was because I wouldn't do everything like someone who was 
>> sited would. They seemed to understand this, and every nurse seemed to 
>> think we were somehow amazing, and we felt very comfortable during our 
>> stay.
>> I have to admit, people sometimes seemed surprised, when I tell them we 
>> raise our daughter and we're without vision, but she's always been 
>> helpful and always a little advanced for her age.
>> I was anxious about this as well, but I had faith that people would be 
>> fair, and not jump to conclusions.  When I'm out with my daughter, people 
>> might ask annoying questions, or want to help, but I try to just remain 
>> calm and polite, which is somewhat hard.
>> I understand why this situation would make you nervous, but not 
>> everywhere is like that.
>> Hope this helps!
>> Nikki
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Cervenka, Stacy (Brownback)" <Stacy_Cervenka at brownback.senate.gov>
>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Friday, May 28, 2010 12:12 PM
>> Subject: [blparent] Anxious
>>
>>
>>> Hi, everyone,
>>> I'm fairly new to this listserv. I'm not currently a blind parent, but 
>>> my boyfriend and I are both blind and we're beginning to move toward 
>>> marriage and a family, so I've been lurking on this list, hoping to 
>>> learn a little about what Greg and I will be in for in the future as 
>>> blind parents.
>>> Anyway, I've been reading the posts the last few days about all the 
>>> issues blind couples run into when giving birth, especially when both 
>>> parents are blind, and honestly, it's got me really discouraged and 
>>> anxious. Does every blind couple run into these sorts of problems at the 
>>> hospital? Is there anything we can do to be proactive and prevent this 
>>> sort of thing from happening to us? Is it better to give birth at home 
>>> with a midwife or in a birthing center, where you can get to know the 
>>> staff beforehand? I know that having kids is a few years away for me, 
>>> but this has me worried sick. My number one goal in life has always been 
>>> to be a mom and I can't imagine having the state stand in my way.
>>> FYI, I've emailed info about this couple's case to Gary Wunder and a few 
>>> others, so hopefully somebody will be in contact with the couple soon, 
>>> if they haven't been already.
>>>
>>> Stacy Leigh Cervenka
>>> Legislative Assistant
>>> Office of Senator Sam Brownback (KS)
>>> 303 Hart Senate Office Building
>>> Phone: (202) 224-6521
>>> Email: stacy_cervenka at brownback.senate.gov
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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