[blparent] Anxious

Fri May 28 20:26:58 UTC 2010

Hi:

Please try to put your mind at ease. This absolutely does not happen to 
every blind mother who goes into the hospital to give birth. I had similar 
fears when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I'm not sure I'll ever 
totally relax when it comes to feeling like I'm being watched by medical 
professionals. But I had the most wonderful, compassionate, helpful hospital 
staff a person could ask for when I gave birth to my daughter. They were 
accommodating, encouraging, and simply fantastic.

When the nurse on duty was leaving at the end of her shift, she would always 
introduced me to the one who would be taking over for her so I would know 
that she was an employee of the hospital who was allowed to handle my baby. 
In fact, in terms of security, I think they were even more protective of me 
and my baby than they might otherwise have been. The morning after my 
daughter was born, my husband returned to the hospital minus his wrist band. 
My daughter happened to be at the nurse's station when he got there (we had 
been having some problems with her breathing (mucus in her lungs), and I 
wanted them to keep an eye on her for me to make sure nothing went wrong 
again (she had turned blue during the night)). Even though they probably 
knew exactly who he was, they insisted that they needed to call me to come 
collect her before they would release her. They wouldn't even let him touch 
her until I arrived.

They described everything that happened during my labor and delivery, and 
told me everything they were doing when they interacted with her. They were 
totally open to teaching me how to do some of the things I was less 
comfortable with. The midwives at my prenatal practice even rearranged their 
whole week's schedule so that the midwife I was most familiar with could be 
with me during my birth.

At first I really believed they were treating me this way because my husband 
is sighted, but even when I sent him home every night so he wouldn't have to 
sleep in the crappy hospital cot, they were amazing. There was never the 
"Holy shit. The sighted parent has left the building." vibe I was expecting 
to have to deal with. There was never the subtle, "Perhaps we should take 
the baby to the nursery for awhile." suggestions.

What I would suggest is that, when you are at a point where you want to get 
pregnant, you begin interviewing doctors and hospitals. Don't settle. Find 
someone you are totally at ease with, and someone who is completely 
comfortable with your blindness. Be as canded with them as you need to be to 
make sure they believe in your abilities.

Get as much practice with other people's babies as you can before hand. This 
is something I wish I had done, as I think it would have increased my level 
of confidence. If you have good friends or relatives with children, ask them 
to show you how to do things like change a diaper, bathe a baby, do a 
feeding (with a bottle or spoon, depending on the child's age).

Do what you're already doing: Get in touch with other blind parents. Join a 
MOMS Club or similar organization, so you will have local support when your 
baby comes home. This made a huge difference to my pediatrician: The fact 
that I had a network.

Read books about caring for babies, and the process of giving birth. Talk 
with other parents who will be open and honest with you about what 
parenthood is really like. Obviously, every situation is different, but it 
will help you feel more relaxed if you feel like you're not going into 
motherhood totally clueless.

Ask questions in an intelligent and calm way. I definitely did not know 
everything about caring for a newborn when I had my daughter. I didn't 
pretend to know everything, either. I told one of my nurses that, as a blind 
teenager, I never really got the chance to babysit, so my experience with 
babies was limited. I asked her to show me how to change my daughter, and 
explained that I wanted to know how to care for her the best way I could. 
Once she had given me the lesson, I asked her to watch me do it the next 
time. Maybe, because I actively involved them, and made it clear I wanted to 
learn, and I wanted them to tell me if I was doing something wrong, they 
felt more confident that I really was trying to be the best mother I could 
for my daughter.

Take an infant first-aid and CPR class. The Red Cross will even send an 
instructor to your home if you can get a group of interested people 
together. I took the certification when my daughter was 8 months old, and it 
really helped me. I hope to never have to deal with choking or the other 
things I learned about, but I feel better knowing I would know what to do if 
something serious happened. Most hospitals offer other parenting classes as 
well.

I know all of this seems overwhelming. It isn't fair that we should have to 
feel like we need to jump through more hoops than sighted people to prove 
our competance. But the reality is: We do. Surround yourself with supportive 
and helpful people, arm yourself with as much information as you can, 
prepare yourself for the worst, but expect the best.

If you'd like to email me offlist, feel free. I'm not sure where you're 
located. I'm in MN.

Dena

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Nikki Fugett-Dobens" <nfugett at cinci.rr.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, May 28, 2010 11:46 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Anxious

> Stacey,
> Hi.  My husband and I are both completely blind, and we have a 22 month 
> old daughter.  We didn't run in to problems like these at the hospital, or 
> throughout my prenatal care appointments.  One time, a nurse asked me if I 
> would have help when I first got home right before I had Mackenzie, and I 
> told her that I would have someone who was visually impaired to kind of 
> show me the ropes.  I hadn't had much experience with babies, so I was 
> nervous. I explained that the reason someone who was blind was helping me 
> was because I wouldn't do everything like someone who was sited would. 
> They seemed to understand this, and every nurse seemed to think we were 
> somehow amazing, and we felt very comfortable during our stay.
> I have to admit, people sometimes seemed surprised, when I tell them we 
> raise our daughter and we're without vision, but she's always been helpful 
> and always a little advanced for her age.
> I was anxious about this as well, but I had faith that people would be 
> fair, and not jump to conclusions.  When I'm out with my daughter, people 
> might ask annoying questions, or want to help, but I try to just remain 
> calm and polite, which is somewhat hard.
> I understand why this situation would make you nervous, but not everywhere 
> is like that.
> Hope this helps!
> Nikki
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Cervenka, Stacy (Brownback)" <Stacy_Cervenka at brownback.senate.gov>
> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, May 28, 2010 12:12 PM
> Subject: [blparent] Anxious
>
>
>> Hi, everyone,
>> I'm fairly new to this listserv. I'm not currently a blind parent, but my 
>> boyfriend and I are both blind and we're beginning to move toward 
>> marriage and a family, so I've been lurking on this list, hoping to learn 
>> a little about what Greg and I will be in for in the future as blind 
>> parents.
>> Anyway, I've been reading the posts the last few days about all the 
>> issues blind couples run into when giving birth, especially when both 
>> parents are blind, and honestly, it's got me really discouraged and 
>> anxious. Does every blind couple run into these sorts of problems at the 
>> hospital? Is there anything we can do to be proactive and prevent this 
>> sort of thing from happening to us? Is it better to give birth at home 
>> with a midwife or in a birthing center, where you can get to know the 
>> staff beforehand? I know that having kids is a few years away for me, but 
>> this has me worried sick. My number one goal in life has always been to 
>> be a mom and I can't imagine having the state stand in my way.
>> FYI, I've emailed info about this couple's case to Gary Wunder and a few 
>> others, so hopefully somebody will be in contact with the couple soon, if 
>> they haven't been already.
>>
>> Stacy Leigh Cervenka
>> Legislative Assistant
>> Office of Senator Sam Brownback (KS)
>> 303 Hart Senate Office Building
>> Phone: (202) 224-6521
>> Email: stacy_cervenka at brownback.senate.gov
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>
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