[blparent] Public Situations (was What's your Opinion ofspanking)

[Peggy Shald]

Oh how true we are observed and probably judged because of our blindness. 
In a public place, I too will take my child off to where no one is and when 
that child decides to calm down and act appropriately then we will go back 
to whatever activity is going on.  No swats on the butt in public, anymore!! 
Also people will come up and ask if we need help or offer suggestions, I 
just calmly keep telling them that we have things under control and when the 
tantrum is over ... my child will return.  Great advice!!



-----Original Message----- 
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 11:09 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Public Situations (was What's your Opinion 
ofspanking)

> I think as blind parents we sometimes feel particularly vulnerable when 
> our kids act out in a public situation, since we're always aware that 
> we're being observed and that our parenting abilities are being 
> questioned.  I am wondering what methods others have found helpful when a 
> child gets out of hand at a picnic, school event, wedding reception, etc. 
> For instance, if the blind parent got a ride with someone else, then 
> packing up and leaving may not be an option.
>
> Debbie
>
Hi, Debbie.  It's only a matter of time before any toddler acts out in
public.  I've felt terribly vulnerable during these situations, but I've
found that keeping my composure is the best thing I can do.

Packing up and leaving isn't always an option for me because very often,
I've gotten a ride with other people who wouldn't want to have their fun cut
short.  My strategy during tantrums has been to get Sarah as far away from
the action as I can, so that first of all, she won't disturb anybody and
secondly, she won't get attention from any well-meaning people who want to
interfere.  When we're in a safe spot, one that is as private as could be
hoped for on a public street or in a church, I just tell Sarah that she is
free to cry and carry on, we'll go back to what we were doing when she's
finished.  Then I turn my back so that it's obvious I'm not going to
interact with her.  She usually settles down within a few minutes, but let
me tell you, it can feel like hours.  She tells me when she's done, and we
go back to the activity we left.

It's all easier said than done sometimes.  I've had neighbors come out to
see why my child is sitting on the sidewalk wailing.  I've had people at
church wanting to step in with doughnuts or bribes of trips to the park,
which I try to head off because I don't want to reward tantrums.  I just
say, as calmly and cheerfully as I can, that Sarah has decided she wants to
cry, and when she's all done, we'll get back to what we were doing.  People
seem to buy that explanation, and the vulnerability I feel I know is largely
coming from inside myself.  It's easy to get it in your head that other
people are doubting you when it's really you yourself that don't feel
confident in your abilities.  So far, these hints have worked for me.

As for spanking, I don't think it would do any good to spank Sarah in the
middle of a tantrum because it would only get her more worked up.  I've
given a swat here or there, once or twice when Sarah ran out into the
parking lot without holding my hand, and a few times when she just plain
blatantly did something for the third or fourth time in a row that I had
told her very clearly not to do, like climbing on something she could fall
off of easily or trying to kick me in the face and chest while she was on
her changing table and wanted to be set free.

I mostly feel awful after I've given a swat.  The last time, Sarah wailed,
"Don't hurt my butt anymore!" and I felt like the worst mom in the world.
So all in all, I'm coming to the conclusion that spanking may be a tool to
be considered, it isn't the most useful tool in the box.  I find that if I
prepare Sarah for what we are going to do in a public situation, she knows
what to expect and behaves a lot better.  Same thing when it's time to go
home, if I give her five or ten minutes' warning, she gets used to the idea
that we are leaving and doesn't melt down over it.

Sorry for the novel.  Hope some of this helps.

Jo Elizabeth


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