[blparent] discipline

[Jan Wright]

Hi,
I agree with most here.
I spanked.
I did not do it out of frustration.
But, there were just times when that particular form of punishment was warranted.
I do disagree with shannon on one point, though.
(and this is just my own opinion).
My discipline came quickly;  during or right after the situation.
For example:
if my child was out and he was throwing a fit,
I would take time out to talk with him sternly or discipline him, right there.
I found that if I waited until i got home,
the punishment was so far removed from the situation that it lacked the "cause and effect," point that I wanted to make.
And, I should admit that there were times when my children did their best to try to embarrass me in public, so I felt that it was warranted.
Not as revenge or a power struggle, but to tell them that their actions (be them outside or within our house) can have immediate reactions.
It always depended on the situation.
    
I think, sometimes, you have to look at what the child wants to gain and try for them "not" to get it.
For example, sometimes, it is attention.
So, yes, we remove ourselves (and yes, it is both of us) to a safer place where we can manage the tantrem in private.
If my children showed me that I could not trust them to stay close, Instead of sitting them somewhere (which we had to check on) I would put their hand in my pocket.
that way, I knew where they were. But, my hands were free for other children.

I have spanked. but, I have to say that the most effective was something that got the child's attention and was consistent.
If "time out," is used for a certain thing:
.....
and I never actually liked "time out," because I had to take too much time making sure that they stayed there.
So, I had to modify it a bit.
then, "time out," should always be the punishment for such a behavior.
also, I think that the punishment should be linked to the crime.
If your child continues to throw food on the floor; not giving him his dessert seems quite reasonable.
Taking away a toy is unrelated to the throwing of the food.
There are times (like running out in the street, for example) that a swift discipline needs to take place immediately so that the child can better associate the offense with the discipline.
Jan