[blparent] First Questions About Blindness

[Veronica Smith]

Honestly, I don't think Gab really understood until she started explaining
it to her friends.  Maybe 1st or 2nd grade.  I always said, "mommy can't
see," but not until she was a bit older did it really sink in. V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 11:39 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] First Questions About Blindness

Hi.  I was wondering if some of you parents who have older children could
recall and share how the issue of your blindness came up with your kids, and
how you explained your disability to them simply enough so they could
understand.

A few weeks ago, something came up that I can't really remember, but for
some reason I told Sarah, who is now two and a half, that my eyes didn't
work.  I said they were broken, which is a concept she usually understands.
She said to me very seriously, "Mommy, they're not open."  So I told her my
eyes didn't work even when they were open.  She said in a very
matter-of-fact way, "Just open them."

Toddlers move on pretty easily, so the subject was quickly dropped.  I
started noticing that Sarah would say, "By your left, by your left" when I
was searching for something, although she didn't know what "left" meant.
She'd just heard other people saying it.  Sometimes she would stay "step"
when we came to a curb, and although I wouldn't rely on her directions as
consistent or trustworthy, I've thanked her for telling me just because it
seems to me like a considerate thing to do.

One day last week, we were going to a restaurant, and she asked me if I
would be taking my eyes with me.  I said yes, and she asked if she could
take her eyes, too.  I said yes, she could, and she promptly poked herself
in the eye, seeming like she was trying to get her eyeball in her hand.  So
I told her that we all have eyes which are part of our bodies, and that they
didn't come off.

The thing that has started getting me kind of concerned is that Sarah and I
will be playing with a toy or doing something, and she'll start saying,
"Mommy, open your eyes.  Don't close your eyes."  I have no voluntary
control over whether my eyes are open or closed.  Or she'll say, "I have to
close my eyes like Mommy."  Then tonight, I was sitting on the floor and she
stood in front of me, pinched one of my cheeks with each of her hands, and
said, "Mommy, don't do that with your face."  Something was obviously
bothering her because she continued to say the same thing.  I asked her what
she meant, and she said, "The pancake face.  I don't wanna see the pancake."
(God knows where she got that.)

Anyway, I didn't know what to say.  One of the concerns my sister brought up
when I first got pregnant was that my facial expressions don't always fit
naturally with the situation that is going on, and that my baby would pick
up on that.  My sister tends to be kind of superficial and focused on
appearance, and it surely isn't that big of a deal, but I'm wondering what
you all told your kids, or how the issues resolved themselves.  Please
forgive the long post, but I felt I should explain the progression of
things.

Jo Elizabeth
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