[blparent] The Toddler Diet

Sat Aug 6 13:54:47 UTC 2011

LOL, or the packet of ketchup you find on the sidewalk that is God only
knows how old, that you manage to pry open with your teeth and suck down
before Mom can stop you.  
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, August 06, 2011 1:33 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] The Toddler Diet

You can't forget the gum from under the table at a restaurant.  Got to get 
that in there somewhere.

Jo Elizabeth

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, 
unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into 
advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Anjelina" <anjelinac26 at gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, August 05, 2011 10:21 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The Toddler Diet

> Thanks for sharing. This is so true about the various creations toddler 
> will eat. :)
>
> Anjelina
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Aug 5, 2011, at 11:06 PM, "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hello list,
>>
>>
>>
>> I wanted to send you all something that would put a smile on your face 
>> and
>> thought you'd get a kick out of this joke diet I found on-line.  Enjoy 
>> this
>> Friday funny.
>>
>>
>>
>> Erin
>>
>>
>>
>> People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most 
>> diets
>> is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get
>> enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet.)
>> Consequently, people tend to cheat off their diets, or quit after three
>> days. Now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
>>
>> Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now
>> the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You 
>> may
>> want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you
>> may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck!
>>
>>
>>
>> DAY ONE
>>
>> Breakfast - One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
>> bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite

>> of
>> toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Get some in your
>> eyebrows too. It'll give you something to pick at for several hours of
>> satisfying appetite control.
>>
>> Lunch - Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass 
>> of
>> milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest down your leg).
>>
>> Dinner - A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale beer.
>>
>> Bedtime Snack - Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. Be
>> sure to step on it and hear it go crunch!
>>
>>
>>
>> DAY TWO
>>
>> Breakfast - Pick up stale crunched toast from kitchen floor and eat it.
>> Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Um.
>> Yummy!
>>
>> Lunch - Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina 
>> Dog
>> Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
>>
>> Afternoon Snack - Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop

>> in
>> dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
>> inside and drop on the rug. Wander away without thought.
>>
>> Dinner - A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
>> nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a large strainer
>> spoon, since taking your time is vital to your dieting success.
>>
>>
>>
>> DAY THREE
>>
>> Breakfast - Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in
>> hair. Don't pull it out later though. It hurts. Glass of milk: drink 
>> half,
>> stuff remainder of picked over pancakes into glass. After breakfast, pick

>> up
>> yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of
>> your best chair. Wander away without direction.
>>
>> Lunch - Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several 
>> bites
>> onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Smear a design 
>> on
>> table with remaining milk. It's good for your artistic expression.
>>
>> Dinner - Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some wine, and 
>> coffee.
>>
>>
>>
>> FINAL DAY
>>
>> Breakfast - A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
>> olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of
>> sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Be sure 
>> to
>> rub some in dog's fur just for fun.
>>
>> Lunch - Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
>> sucker and finish eating it.
>>
>> Dinner - A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Discard meatball on 
>> plate.
>> Stick of mascara for dessert.
>>
>>
>>
>> Enjoy!
>>
>>
>>
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