[blparent] The Toddler Diet

Sat Aug 6 05:33:07 UTC 2011

You can't forget the gum from under the table at a restaurant.  Got to get 
that in there somewhere.

Jo Elizabeth

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, 
unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into 
advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Anjelina" <anjelinac26 at gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, August 05, 2011 10:21 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The Toddler Diet

> Thanks for sharing. This is so true about the various creations toddler 
> will eat. :)
>
> Anjelina
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Aug 5, 2011, at 11:06 PM, "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hello list,
>>
>>
>>
>> I wanted to send you all something that would put a smile on your face 
>> and
>> thought you'd get a kick out of this joke diet I found on-line.  Enjoy 
>> this
>> Friday funny.
>>
>>
>>
>> Erin
>>
>>
>>
>> People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most 
>> diets
>> is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get
>> enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet.)
>> Consequently, people tend to cheat off their diets, or quit after three
>> days. Now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
>>
>> Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now
>> the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You 
>> may
>> want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you
>> may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck!
>>
>>
>>
>> DAY ONE
>>
>> Breakfast - One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
>> bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite 
>> of
>> toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Get some in your
>> eyebrows too. It'll give you something to pick at for several hours of
>> satisfying appetite control.
>>
>> Lunch - Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass 
>> of
>> milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest down your leg).
>>
>> Dinner - A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale beer.
>>
>> Bedtime Snack - Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. Be
>> sure to step on it and hear it go crunch!
>>
>>
>>
>> DAY TWO
>>
>> Breakfast - Pick up stale crunched toast from kitchen floor and eat it.
>> Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Um.
>> Yummy!
>>
>> Lunch - Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina 
>> Dog
>> Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
>>
>> Afternoon Snack - Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop 
>> in
>> dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
>> inside and drop on the rug. Wander away without thought.
>>
>> Dinner - A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
>> nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a large strainer
>> spoon, since taking your time is vital to your dieting success.
>>
>>
>>
>> DAY THREE
>>
>> Breakfast - Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in
>> hair. Don't pull it out later though. It hurts. Glass of milk: drink 
>> half,
>> stuff remainder of picked over pancakes into glass. After breakfast, pick 
>> up
>> yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of
>> your best chair. Wander away without direction.
>>
>> Lunch - Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several 
>> bites
>> onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Smear a design 
>> on
>> table with remaining milk. It's good for your artistic expression.
>>
>> Dinner - Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some wine, and 
>> coffee.
>>
>>
>>
>> FINAL DAY
>>
>> Breakfast - A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
>> olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of
>> sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Be sure 
>> to
>> rub some in dog's fur just for fun.
>>
>> Lunch - Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
>> sucker and finish eating it.
>>
>> Dinner - A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Discard meatball on 
>> plate.
>> Stick of mascara for dessert.
>>
>>
>>
>> Enjoy!
>>
>>
>>
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