[blparent] experiences of blind parents with more than one small child

[Erin Rumer]

Yes indeed, and they have some great strollers out there where the toddler
can stand on the back by the handlebars while the younger baby is inside.
I've asked parents with these strollers if they like them and have heard
rave reviews and the toddlers like them a ton as well because they get to
feel like a bigger kid and still get a ride all at the same time.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Lisamaria Martinez
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 9:08 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] experiences of blind parents with more than one
small child

Hi,

I'm excited to have another baby when the time is right. I've got a blind
friend out in Las Vegas who is about to pop out her second child in October.
Anyhow, my husband saw a blind momma the other day with a guide dog, a
stroller and she was carrying the smaller child in a carrier. I've seen
double strollers out there. And honestly, I'm sure having a second kid as a
sighted person can be just as combersome.

On 8/23/11, Melissa Ann Riccobono <melissa at riccobono.us> wrote:
> Hello Jen and list,
> 	This is very long...  Ve warned.
>
> This is a great discussion.  My husband and I are both blind and we 
> have two children.  Austin is 4, and Oriana is 15 months.  Let me open 
> the discussion by saying I didn't experience a lot of challenges due 
> to blindness specifically...  I, and all parents with more than one 
> child I suspect, face the challenges of how to balance the needs of 
> both children while staying sane myself.  As my sister, who is also 
> blind by the way, says, "It's a huge difference between having one 
> child and two...  After you get used to that, having a third child is 
> a lot easier."  (She has three boys who are 12, 9, and 7.) While I 
> can't say I know what it's like to have three children, I can say it 
> is a leap between worrying about one child and all of a sudden adding 
> a baby into the mix.  Some things are just hard in general the second 
> time around...  Lack of sleep, for example, is a lot harder to deal 
> with if you have an older child who doesn't take naps anymore so you 
> can't catch up during the day while the baby sleeps.  Some things though,
are fantastic.
> Watching your children interact and play with one another...  Having 
> more hugs...  Also, just being less worried in general about doing 
> something wrong with a new baby because you've all ready done this before.
> 	My husband travels in spurts for his job.  He won't be gone for a 
> long time, then all of a sudden he'll have periods when he's gone for 
> a week at a stretch, or gone for a few days, back for a few days, and 
> then gone again.  We do not have family near us, so we've built up a 
> network of friends and people we trust who can watch our kids for a
variety of reasons.
> Or, sometimes when my husband is traveling a lot I ask someone to come 
> over or go out to dinner with me and the kids so I can have some adult 
> conversation.  For the most part though, I handle mornings and 
> evenings/nights by myself while my husband is gone.  Austin now goes 
> to a fabulous in home day care, which is run more like a preschool, in 
> our neighborhood four days a week.  Oriana goes one day a week.  I am 
> the president of the National Federation of the Blind of Maryland, 
> which means I have to do a lot of work from home, and quite a few 
> meetings and events outside the home, on a weekly basis.  Since 
> December I have had a wonderful older woman who has helped do driving 
> and other things for the Maryland affiliate, and who also watches 
> Oriana quite a bit downstairs in our house while I work upstairs.  
> This is nice because I can go down and see Ori any time I want, and I 
> can also nurse her if she wants to nurse during the day...  (Yes, 
> she's still nursing some.)  The help I have is directly related to the 
> job I'm doing now, and not to the fact that I have two children.  Is 
> the help wonderful and appreciated, absolutely!  Would I want or need 
> it if I wasn't doing the work I'm doing?  No, I don't think I would...  
> Or, I wouldn't need it as often as I use it now.  My sister stayed 
> home with her boys and had very little outside help...  And her 
> husband also travels a bit for his job.  Everyone is different though, and
if you want and can afford extra help, by all means, go for it!
> 	How far apart are you thinking of having your children?  This is a 
> question to consider carefully, if you can.  My sister had her kids 
> about
> 2.5 years apart.  She swore by this.  She said it was a lot easier 
> because she never got out of the "baby" phase completely.  She still 
> had one in diapers when her next child was born, so she was used to 
> doing diaper changes.  Also, especially since she ended up having 
> three boys, her kids have been interested in similar things while 
> growing up.  I however, really wanted my son to be a little older 
> before trying for number two.  I feel there is a big difference 
> between a child of 2.5 and a child of 3.  At 2.5 I felt as if Austin 
> still really needed me and his dad, and one on one attention.  We 
> still rocked him to sleep many nights, and laid in his bed other 
> nights to help him sleep.  He wasn't potty trained yet, and I really 
> wanted to have one child out of diapers before having a baby.  I had 
> no trouble "going backwards" in this respect!  Even Austin's behavior 
> changed a lot in just that half a year.  Some of the impulsivity of 
> toddlerhood left, and he became more of a "preschooler" who was better 
> able to think of others and not just himself, to entertain himself for
periods of time, and who had more self help skills.  Did and does he still
need me and my husband?
> Absolutely!  But overall he was more independent when Oriana was born 
> when he was 3.5 than he would have been had she been born when he was 
> 2.5 or even 3.  Now I didn't want my kids five years apart...  For me, 
> that seemed too big of a gap, but there are others who swear by this 
> method because their older child is in kindergarten, or almost there, 
> and then they can start over with a baby
> 	 As far as carseats go, sometimes another year or half year between 
> children can make the difference between traveling with two carseats 
> or traveling with a carseat and a booster seat.  Unfortunately, in my 
> case, this plan did not work out because, although Austin is plenty 
> tall enough for a booster, he's still a couple of pounds under weight 
> for one.  This means hauling around two car seats is our reality, at 
> least for a little longer.  I do have to say I hire drivers more often 
> than I used to in order to run errands.  Or, I wait to run them until 
> both kids are at day care, or until at least Austin is out of the mix.  
> When traveling with both kids to run errands, a driver is nice because I
can leave the car seats in the car.
> We can also go when the errands are done instead of having to wait for 
> a ride.  Of course, it's a lot easier to travel with only Oriana on 
> errands because I only have to deal with one car seat if I am by 
> myself.  I certainly have hauled two car seats however.  I have a Sit 
> 'N' Stroll, so Oriana uses it for her carseat.  This means I can pull 
> her behind me, have Austin's car seat on my other arm, and still use my
dog for short distances.
> There are also bags you can get so you can put a car seat over your 
> shoulder or on your back.  If I had to do a lot of hauling of car 
> seats, I would definitely invest in one of these.  Right now though, I 
> am able to take the bus, walk, or hire drivers most of the time.
> 	We also have a wagon with two seats.  Austin usually likes to walk 
> now, but if he gets tired it's nice to have a place for him to ride, 
> and Oriana loves the wagon as well.  I also sometimes take Oriana in 
> her backpack, depending on where we're going, and that leaves my hand 
> free to hold Austin's hand.
> 	As far as keeping both children safe...  To me, this is not that 
> different than keeping one child safe...  Although, of course, there 
> are differences.  But it's just learning to listen for one child while 
> interacting with the other, and/or doing the same thing with both 
> children...  You develop techniques that work for you and your children.
> Certainly there is the issue with small toys.  Austin is very into 
> Legos right now, and also a set called Motor Works which has plastic 
> vehicles he can take apart and put back together.  All of these 
> vehicles have small plastic screws Oriana could easily swallow.  So we 
> have rules about where he can play with these toys, where they are 
> stored, how quickly he has to pick them up when he's done with them, 
> etc.  It's a little more difficult because Oriana has been trying to 
> climb on all of the furniture lately, but this just means I need to be 
> more in tune with Oriana, where she is, and what she's doing when I 
> know these small toys are being played with.  Also, you have a few 
> months to get used to your new baby and your new situation before that 
> baby really starts moving around and getting into things.  Again, I 
> think all of parenting is a learning process, and you figure things out as
you go.
> 	Again, all parents who go from one child to two have questions.
> And, all parents have accidents happen to their children when they 
> turn their back for that split second it takes to answer the phone, 
> take something out of the oven, etc.  If you can, try to take 
> blindness out of the mix for a while when you're deciding to have 
> another child.  Do you have the finances to care for another child.  
> Do you have enough love to go around?  Do you want your son or 
> daughter to have a sibling?  Also, think back to the questions and fears
you had before you had your first child.
> I'm sure you had many--yet, things must be going very well if you are 
> even talking about a second child, which means you've answered those 
> questions and conqurred those fears.  I suspect you will have the same 
> experience if you decide to take the jump and go for number two.
> 	Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading if you've gotten
this 
> far.  I certainly do not have all of the answers, but I would be happy 
> to talk to you any time off list or via phone if I can answer any 
> questions for you.  My email is melissa at riccobono.us Good luck with 
> this huge, and very personal decision!
> Melissa
>
>
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