[blparent] experiences of blind parents with more than one smallchild

Tue Aug 23 18:16:54 UTC 2011

Hello,
My name is Debbie Grace. I too am a blind Grandparent with 2 grandchildren
who have been with me for about three years. They are now 3 and 5 years.  My
daughter died in May of 09 and I have custody of them right now.  It has
been quite an adventure for us.  I can understand about the toys and the car
seats.  I too have to carry them around with me.  I also take a lot of cabs
and they can provide at least one car seat for me.  I also am single so I do
have a network of friends that help me and some family around.  I have been
accused of not being able to potty train because of my sight and not being
able to take care of my grandchildren.  I do not let this bother me because
as I have been able to adapt.  One of my granddaughters just started
kindergarten this year , so I am looking forward to some of the other
challenges that will come up.  I am very thankful for this site and the
suggestions of the other parents.  I am seeking permenant custody and will
have a trial this December.  Their Father is still in the picture.  It has
been very emotional and rewarding for me to be able to spend time with my
granddaughters.  I do hope that the courts will leave them with me as I am
loving them very much and they really a paart of my life.  It is great to be
able to tlak to you all and I will be looking forward to more info.  
Thank You
Debbie Grace,Hannah and Ashley 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Chad Allen
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 9:27 AM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] experiences of blind parents with more than one
smallchild

Very helpful. I'm forwarding this onto my wife now. 

Thanks for the insight. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Melissa Ann Riccobono
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 8:37 AM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] experiences of blind parents with more than one
small child

Hello Jen and list,
	This is very long...  Ve warned.

This is a great discussion.  My husband and I are both blind and we have two
children.  Austin is 4, and Oriana is 15 months.  Let me open the discussion
by saying I didn't experience a lot of challenges due to blindness
specifically...  I, and all parents with more than one child I suspect, face
the challenges of how to balance the needs of both children while staying
sane myself.  As my sister, who is also blind by the way, says, "It's a huge
difference between having one child and two...  After you get used to that,
having a third child is a lot easier."  (She has three boys who are 12, 9,
and 7.) While I can't say I know what it's like to have three children, I
can say it is a leap between worrying about one child and all of a sudden
adding a baby into the mix.  Some things are just hard in general the second
time around...  Lack of sleep, for example, is a lot harder to deal with if
you have an older child who doesn't take naps anymore so you can't catch up
during the day while the baby sleeps.  Some things though, are fantastic.
Watching your children interact and play with one another...  Having more
hugs...  Also, just being less worried in general about doing something
wrong with a new baby because you've all ready done this before.
	My husband travels in spurts for his job.  He won't be gone for a
long time, then all of a sudden he'll have periods when he's gone for a week
at a stretch, or gone for a few days, back for a few days, and then gone
again.  We do not have family near us, so we've built up a network of
friends and people we trust who can watch our kids for a variety of reasons.
Or, sometimes when my husband is traveling a lot I ask someone to come over
or go out to dinner with me and the kids so I can have some adult
conversation.  For the most part though, I handle mornings and
evenings/nights by myself while my husband is gone.  Austin now goes to a
fabulous in home day care, which is run more like a preschool, in our
neighborhood four days a week.  Oriana goes one day a week.  I am the
president of the National Federation of the Blind of Maryland, which means I
have to do a lot of work from home, and quite a few meetings and events
outside the home, on a weekly basis.  Since December I have had a wonderful
older woman who has helped do driving and other things for the Maryland
affiliate, and who also watches Oriana quite a bit downstairs in our house
while I work upstairs.  This is nice because I can go down and see Ori any
time I want, and I can also nurse her if she wants to nurse during the
day...  (Yes, she's still nursing some.)  The help I have is directly
related to the job I'm doing now, and not to the fact that I have two
children.  Is the help wonderful and appreciated, absolutely!  Would I want
or need it if I wasn't doing the work I'm doing?  No, I don't think I
would...  Or, I wouldn't need it as often as I use it now.  My sister stayed
home with her boys and had very little outside help...  And her husband also
travels a bit for his job.  Everyone is different though, and if you want
and can afford extra help, by all means, go for it!
	How far apart are you thinking of having your children?  This is a
question to consider carefully, if you can.  My sister had her kids about
2.5 years apart.  She swore by this.  She said it was a lot easier because
she never got out of the "baby" phase completely.  She still had one in
diapers when her next child was born, so she was used to doing diaper
changes.  Also, especially since she ended up having three boys, her kids
have been interested in similar things while growing up.  I however, really
wanted my son to be a little older before trying for number two.  I feel
there is a big difference between a child of 2.5 and a child of 3.  At 2.5 I
felt as if Austin still really needed me and his dad, and one on one
attention.  We still rocked him to sleep many nights, and laid in his bed
other nights to help him sleep.  He wasn't potty trained yet, and I really
wanted to have one child out of diapers before having a baby.  I had no
trouble "going backwards" in this respect!  Even Austin's behavior changed a
lot in just that half a year.  Some of the impulsivity of toddlerhood left,
and he became more of a "preschooler" who was better able to think of others
and not just himself, to entertain himself for periods of time, and who had
more self help skills.  Did and does he still need me and my husband?
Absolutely!  But overall he was more independent when Oriana was born when
he was 3.5 than he would have been had she been born when he was 2.5 or even
3.  Now I didn't want my kids five years apart...  For me, that seemed too
big of a gap, but there are others who swear by this method because their
older child is in kindergarten, or almost there, and then they can start
over with a baby
	 As far as carseats go, sometimes another year or half year between
children can make the difference between traveling with two carseats or
traveling with a carseat and a booster seat.  Unfortunately, in my case,
this plan did not work out because, although Austin is plenty tall enough
for a booster, he's still a couple of pounds under weight for one.  This
means hauling around two car seats is our reality, at least for a little
longer.  I do have to say I hire drivers more often than I used to in order
to run errands.  Or, I wait to run them until both kids are at day care, or
until at least Austin is out of the mix.  When traveling with both kids to
run errands, a driver is nice because I can leave the car seats in the car.
We can also go when the errands are done instead of having to wait for a
ride.  Of course, it's a lot easier to travel with only Oriana on errands
because I only have to deal with one car seat if I am by myself.  I
certainly have hauled two car seats however.  I have a Sit 'N' Stroll, so
Oriana uses it for her carseat.  This means I can pull her behind me, have
Austin's car seat on my other arm, and still use my dog for short distances.
There are also bags you can get so you can put a car seat over your shoulder
or on your back.  If I had to do a lot of hauling of car seats, I would
definitely invest in one of these.  Right now though, I am able to take the
bus, walk, or hire drivers most of the time.
	We also have a wagon with two seats.  Austin usually likes to walk
now, but if he gets tired it's nice to have a place for him to ride, and
Oriana loves the wagon as well.  I also sometimes take Oriana in her
backpack, depending on where we're going, and that leaves my hand free to
hold Austin's hand.
	As far as keeping both children safe...  To me, this is not that
different than keeping one child safe...  Although, of course, there are
differences.  But it's just learning to listen for one child while
interacting with the other, and/or doing the same thing with both
children...  You develop techniques that work for you and your children.
Certainly there is the issue with small toys.  Austin is very into Legos
right now, and also a set called Motor Works which has plastic vehicles he
can take apart and put back together.  All of these vehicles have small
plastic screws Oriana could easily swallow.  So we have rules about where he
can play with these toys, where they are stored, how quickly he has to pick
them up when he's done with them, etc.  It's a little more difficult because
Oriana has been trying to climb on all of the furniture lately, but this
just means I need to be more in tune with Oriana, where she is, and what
she's doing when I know these small toys are being played with.  Also, you
have a few months to get used to your new baby and your new situation before
that baby really starts moving around and getting into things.  Again, I
think all of parenting is a learning process, and you figure things out as
you go.
	Again, all parents who go from one child to two have questions.
And, all parents have accidents happen to their children when they turn
their back for that split second it takes to answer the phone, take
something out of the oven, etc.  If you can, try to take blindness out of
the mix for a while when you're deciding to have another child.  Do you have
the finances to care for another child.  Do you have enough love to go
around?  Do you want your son or daughter to have a sibling?  Also, think
back to the questions and fears you had before you had your first child.
I'm sure you had many--yet, things must be going very well if you are even
talking about a second child, which means you've answered those questions
and conqurred those fears.  I suspect you will have the same experience if
you decide to take the jump and go for number two.
	Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading if you've gotten
this far.  I certainly do not have all of the answers, but I would be happy
to talk to you any time off list or via phone if I can answer any questions
for you.  My email is melissa at riccobono.us Good luck with this huge, and
very personal decision!
Melissa

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