[blparent] Question about parenting with blind children

[Deborah Kent Stein]

Dear Bridgit,

 Growing up as a blind child, I was blessed with parents who intuitively 
grasped that it was essential for me to learn and experience through touch. 
They made a point of showing me things at home and out in the community. 
When I was three or four my mother found time to take me for a walk almost 
every day, and she showed me things all along the way - mailboxes, fire 
hydrants, hedges, fences, anything and everything that occurred to her. 
That spirit reached our whole extended family. Four grandparents and a host 
of aunts and uncles followed my parents' example and showed me things in 
their homes whenever we visited.  I was taught to touch carefully, 
especially when exploring an object that might be fragile or sharp, but I 
was rarely told "Don't touch" within my family.  Of course I learned all too 
soon that the rest of the world had a very different attitude, and I suppose 
it's something of a lifelong mission to me to try to make inroads where I 
can for the sake of all of us.

As the blind parent of a sighted child, I don't recall ever saying those 
dreaded words, "Look with your eyes, don't touch!"  I decided when my 
daughter was a toddler that if I didn't want her to touch something then it 
should be put away safely until she was older and could be trusted to touch 
it gently.  We decorated the tree with things that were durable, such as 
plastic or wooden ornaments that she could touch and play with.  By the time 
she was three or four she had learned that some things are fragile and can 
be touched carefully but not played with.

Your question brings a story to mind.  Once, when Janna was about four, we 
visited a family friend whose house was filled with china figurines.  Janna 
longed to touch them. She kept asking to touch "Marion's fragile things," 
but Marion told her no.  She didn't let anyone touch them, not even her own 
husband!  Janna was quite heartbroken and we tried to explain that some 
people have different rules in their homes; every family gets to decide what 
is okay and what is not.  A few weeks later Marion sent Janna a present, a 
lovely Christmas tree ornament, a glass horse with wings.  We have it to 
this day, and hang it on the tree every year.  Between Christmases it waits 
in its own special box, labeled "Janna's Fragile Horse."

Debbie

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Bridgit Pollpeter" <bpollpeter at hotmail.com>
To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 12:55 PM
Subject: [blparent] Question about parenting with blind children


> Hello,
>
> It's been a while, but have been so busy. Hope everyone is having a
> wonderful holiday season.
>
> So, while decorating the Christmas tree this year with Pen, everyone
> kept saying, "Don't touch, just look with your eyes." This seems like
> reasonable, sound advice, but then it hit me, a blind child can't look
> with their eyes. I've only been blind as an adult so it never crossed my
> mind that small things like this would be different with a blind child.
>
> Since this epiphany struck (ha-ha) I've been aware of how often children
> are told to not touch, just look. It happened frequently this season
> with Pen again as we were shopping with my mom and sister. I know this
> list is geared towards blind parents, nonetheless, I know many of you
> were blind children, and I'm sure most of you have answers.
>
> How do you allow a child who can't see to experience something like
> decorating a tree in a tactile way, but at the same time, steer them to
> an understanding that this isn't a toy to be touched and played with all
> the time? I'm especially curious about young children who are blind.
>
> Then, as usual, my thoughts went further to include that I think we can
> stifle healthy curiosity in any child, blind or sighted, but limiting
> what sense they use to experience life. I'm not suggesting we let kids
> touch every little thing, but is it really that bad to allow a child to
> "touch" say something like Christmas decorations even if they can see
> them? Rhetorical question, but have any of you incorporated nonvisual
> parenting into a, for lack of a better expression, more traditional
> parenting style, A. K. A. sighted parenting. *I'm simply using these
> terms to distinguish between things.
>
> Anyway, perhaps I'm not being clear, but I'm just curious about this,
> and it may be something I can use for my Live Well blog. I'd appreciate
> any responses.
>
> Sincerely,
> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Read my blog at:
> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>
> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>
>
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