[blparent] Keeping young children safe with a visual impairment

[Miranda B.]

Hi Jo Elizabeth,
I agree with what you have written. Without going into detail, we have
firsthand experience of state care, and we know others with firsthand
experience who we were very close to.
What's frustrating about our situation is that our home study is complete,
and it's not our caseworker who is questioning us. Yes, applying to be
foster parents is a long and grooling process -- our license has been 2
applications and 2 years in the making and counting.
I am sorry your friend suffered such horrible abuse and trauma at the hands
of people who were supposed to provide a safe and loving home for her! My
heart breaks for all children who receive such treatment!
You are very correct in saying that the state needs to make the safety of
the children who come into care priority. As we've said from the beginning,
we agree with this wholeheartedly. But, again... There is a fine line
between asking more questions/wanting more information and discrimination.
Thanks for your thoughts, and have a great day!

In Christ, Miranda
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, December 31, 2011 3:34 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Keeping young children safe with a visual impairment

Hi.  I don't mean to have the dissenting voice, as I agree with most of what
you said, Bridgit.  Frankly, it isn't fair that blind people have to prove
themselves, or that they are questioned more than others when it comes to
their ability to parent.  You're right about that.  But there are two things
you might want to consider in the particular case of the foster system.

The first and most important consideration is that the state has a
responsibility to ensure the well-being of the children in its care.  Those
children have already been through too much in their lives to take risks
with their safety.  I'm not saying that Amanda and her husband wouldn't make
good foster parents, by any stretch of the imagination.  I've never met them
or spoken with them personally.  But I believe the state has not only the
right but the duty to ask questions of any couple, blind or otherwise, until
the case workers are satisfied that children will be safe in a particular
home.  Is it fair?  Maybe not.  But it wouldn't be fair to the children to
put them in homes that hadn't been very thoroughly checked out and deemed
safe and nurturing.  Foster parents or prospective parents have to prove a
lot more than biological parents do, blind or sighted, because the fact is
that anybody (or nearly anybody) can go out and make a baby, and they're not
usually questioned till something bad happens.  The system is designed to
try to prevent bad things from happening to the kids in state custody.

The second consideration goes along with the first, and that is the fact
that everybody is questioned incessantly and examined under a microscope
when it comes to the process of applying for foster children.  I know it
because my brother and his partner took on the challenge and have been
fostering a baby from the time he was seven months old, till now when he
just turned two.  Neither one of the parents are disabled, so that didn't
come under scrutiny, but they had to provide a lot of details about their
finances, their extended families, and how they would handle an astronomical
number of situations that might come up.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to the safety and
well-being of the kids the state has taken into its charge, if the case
workers feel they have to ask more questions than usual of a disabled
couple, so be it.  Give the best possible answers, because more than
anything else, the kids need to be looked after.  Is it fair?  No.  But it
beats the way things used to be, when homes weren't checked out well enough.

I have a very close friend who was raped two different times in bad foster
homes, once when she was only seven, and again as a teenager.  I realize I
might be taking an unpopular stance, and again, I mean nothing at all
against Amanda and her husband.  But I think, in the big picture, questions
aren't necessarily a bad thing.  They can make you think and plan, and know
ahead of time how you'll handle things.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Bridgit Pollpeter" <bpollpeter at hotmail.com>
Sent: Saturday, December 31, 2011 1:03 PM
To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [blparent] Keeping young children safe with a visual impairment

> Miranda and others,
>
> Before I say what I have to say, let me make it clear I'm in no way 
> suggesting you and your husband become difficult and belligerent. As 
> most of us know, this attitude, though seemingly called for at times 
> in my opinion (this meant sarcastically, smile( usually does nothing 
> to help further our abilities in the eyes of doubters and detractors.
>
> That being said, I caution you to tread carefully in terms of not 
> labeling actions as discriminatory.
>
> The fact of the matter is that whether people hop on board with us or 
> not, "it" should not be right or legal to ask a blind person to go 
> above and beyond what others are asked to do for any given 
> circumstance. From my own brief communications with you, you and your 
> husband seem like capable, confident people who know how to handle 
> situations like this, and this post isn't necessarily directed only to 
> you, but I'm sick and tired of those with visual impairments being 
> asked to prove things and jump through hoops that are in no way fair 
> or equal. If the state was asking for more information about how a 
> Muslim or Latino family would safely parent, well, we know the legal 
> system would not support this (or at least have the gall to outright say
such things in this day and age).
> Yet blind people are asked to jump through hoops that others are not. 
> I know I'm preaching to the choir, and I know this is why the 
> Federation produced the informational book on blind parenting, but I 
> think we need to do more because it's not fair that we have to prove 
> ourselves in ways that other parents do not have too.
>
> It doesn't matter whether people "trust" that a blind person can do 
> something safely; people learn foreign languages I don't know; doesn't 
> mean I don't believe others can't speak them. People understand 
> physics concepts that go beyond my "own" understanding; doesn't mean 
> that because I don't understand it that it automatically means others 
> therefore can't either. Adoptive or biological, parents should not 
> have to "prove" anything that is not normally asked of a parent.
>
> You and your husband are taking an extra class through Hadley; I doubt 
> others going through the licensing process are taking classes outside 
> the ones offered by the state. You are being asked to document and 
> seek out information on how to do something simple, and again, I doubt 
> others are having to provide, and do leg work, similar information. In 
> my opinion, this is discrimination, but as usual, we're suppose to 
> smile and take the submissive stance, after-all, we can certainly 
> understand why anyone would ask this of us, right? In my opinion, wrong.
>
> The safety of children is paramount, and if the state has had problems 
> with this in the past, to an extent, it makes sense to ensure children 
> are paired with homes that will provide that security, but if others 
> going through the parenting process, adoptive or otherwise, are not 
> being asked to do similar things, this crosses the line into 
> discrimination. So, to you parents who have more experience, and 
> wisdom, and those who have been "dealing" with this "blind" situation 
> longer, when do we stand up and say, "Hey, this isn't fair! My visual 
> impairment in no way affects my ability to parent. And I fail to see 
> others jumping through similar hoops." I know we don't want to rock 
> the boat, but I don't think we can either continue to allow this 
> behavior and mindset to be acceptable and normal.
>
> I'm not trying to be difficult (well, much, grin) but this is what has 
> been the most difficult adjustment for me since losing my sight 8 
> years ago; the perceptions and attitudes of others.  I grew up 
> sighted, taking these things for granted. I didn't become blind until 
> an adult, and I'm relatively still new to blindness compared to many 
> of you, so it's often more difficult for me to sit passively by with 
> these issues. I'm the same person, with the same values and goals, it 
> happens I just can no longer "see." Yet this one aspect of me tends to 
> rule everything else in the eyes of many. I'm probably just PMS-ing 
> (ha-ha!) but I hear stories like yours, Miranda, and I am outraged. 
> Decades of toiling for equality and fair treatment, and it seems like 
> we are still proving our abilities that shouldn't, quite frankly, be 
> questioned at all. For far too many still, it doesn't matter how many 
> blind people can parade in front of their eyes proving just what the 
> blind are capable of; they still don't believe, they still doubt and 
> think they, who have no knowledge of blindness of other than those 
> based on perceptions and stereotypes, what being blind is like and 
> what can and can not be done. This is egregious behavior that is to 
> antiquated to continue to exist anymore. But as always, where do we 
> go? Where do we start? In my opinion, we need an official initiative 
> agreed upon and enacted by each state to work on education, 
> legislation, mediation and any other effort to change these views in the
eyes of the public and the government.
>
> Okay, sorry for the rant. I'm just a little testy, as are the rest of 
> you, on this issue in particular.
>
> Sincerely,
> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Read my blog at:
> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>
> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>
> Message: 7
> Date: Fri, 30 Dec 2011 19:51:02 -0500
> From: "Miranda B." <knownoflove at gmail.com>
> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: [blparent] Keeping young children safe as parents with a 
> visual impairment
> Message-ID: <001701ccc756$454c6090$cfe521b0$@gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>
> Hi,
>
> For those of you who know me and have talked with me for any length of 
> time, you may find the subject of this email a bit puzzling, so please 
> let me explain.
>
> As some of you may know, my husband and I are currently in the process 
> of being licensed as foster parents. After sending our home study to 
> the state for approval, our caseworker (through a private agency) 
> received notice from the state that they are requesting more 
> information. They are asking her to investigate further resources and 
> information about how we will keep a child in our home safe as foster 
> parents who happen to be Blind. The state has made it very clear that 
> they are not wanting to discriminate in any way, but that they are 
> requesting more information from many families regarding child safety 
> due to recent incidents in our foster care system. They are also 
> wanting more information than usual from those applying to be foster 
> parents who have never been parents before this.
>
> In return, we have answered basic questions of safety as best as we 
> can and we've reiterated that we have all childproofing in place in 
> our home (our case was recently transferred to a caseworker who knows 
> us but has not recently been in our home.) We want to approach this 
> situation with the intent to educate the state about resources for 
> Blind parents, and adaptions we make as parents who are visually 
> impaired. We have made it clear that there is a fine line between 
> wanting more information and discrimination (whether intentional or 
> not) and that we will appeal any denial for licensing should the need 
> arise. We are taking a Hadley parenting course, and this has been 
> documented. We've told our caseworker about the NFB and other 
> Blindness organizations. Now, we are coming to you for tips and 
> advice. Can you tell us adaptions you made to keep your children safe? 
> These could be adaption for medical care, making sure they didn't run 
> out the door of your home, keeping them safe while you are cooking, ETC.
Anything you cn think of we'd appreciate it!
> Also, for those of you who have adopted or been licensed as foster 
> parents, if you could provide any tips or advice on this matter this 
> would also be greatly appreciated!
>
> Lastly, if you can think of any resources at all to pass along to our 
> caseworker and the state, we'd appreciate any thing you can think of.
>
> Thanks in advance for any help you can give, and happy new year!
>
>
>
> In Christ, Miranda
>
>
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