[blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for Blind Parent list)

[Deborah Kent Stein]

Jo Elizabeth asked me to post this as she's having problems with her email account.

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Hi.  I've had an interesting question come up as my daughter has gotten old enough that we can walk around the neighborhood and play with the other kids.  There are a couple of families who live in the complex, one with a child a few months older than Sarah, and one with a child a few months younger, as well as some older girls.  Sarah likes to play with the kids, who are often outside.  We've gone up there a couple of times, and I've sat on the sidewalk with the other moms, occasionally enforcing the rules about Sarah having to share and so on, but otherwise leaving her to play.

The first thing I noticed is that the other moms pretty much talk to each other and don't include me in the conversation.  I'm somewhat of an introvert, and also used to this, so I didn't do a whole lot about it at first.  I just threw in a comment here or there, and they would answer politely and then go on talking among themselves.  That bothered me a little, but I let it roll off because Sarah had been enjoying the company of the other kids.  Then, when I was there a few weeks ago, the moms and their husbands were sitting around, and somebody brought out beers--for everybody except me.  I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't care, though I would have loved a glass of water.  But it struck me as odd that I wasn't offered anything.

So then the final straw was this morning.  The girls were out playing with Barbie things on the sidewalk, so Sarah asked nicely if she could join them.  She did a great job of sharing all morning, I was proud of her.  Then the girls went into their houses to get snacks.  They brought out chips and wouldn't give any to Sarah, even though she asked politely.  She cried, and one of the moms called out the window to see what she was crying for.  So I said we had to go home and have lunch, and of course, Sarah was upset and didn't want to leave.

So what's the deal?  I'm really appalled.  I wouldn't even consider giving my kid or myself drinks or snacks when others were over without offering them any.  And if Sarah had something to eat, I would insist that she would share.  So am I hopelessly old-fashioned, or is there a real problem with the rest of the world?  And what should I do?  Should I keep Sarah away from the little girls, even though she enjoys playing with them?  Should I take the lack of interaction from the moms as a sign that we aren't really wanted there?  Or should I just chalk it up to them being nervous about my blindness and keep on appearing over there till they get relaxed?  Should I bring drinks and snacks for myself and Sarah, or bring them for everybody?  I'm just really troubled and at a loss.

Jo Elizabeth

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt