[blparent] Fw: Where haveallthemannersgone? (questionforBlind Parent list)

sharon howerton shrnhow at att.net
Tue May 24 10:33:28 UTC 2011 

Good for you and Sarah, Jo Elizabeth!
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 11:32 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where haveallthemannersgone? (questionforBlind 
Parent list)


>I have a babysitter who did me proud.  She remarked to one of her other 
>clients that she babysat for a mother who had a blind child.  The woman 
>said it wasn't fair to the child, having a blind mother.  Cassie, she gave 
>the woman the what-for.  She said my daughter was more advanced than 
>average in verbal skills and thinking skills, and that she was more 
>socially developed than other kids.  I don't know if any of that is 
>particularly true, but it felt good to be stuck up for.  The woman kind of 
>backtracked, too, and said she just hadn't thought of it that way, and that 
>she made a snap judgment. I told Cassie she better be aware of not driving 
>her clients away but she really went to bat for me.  Go, teenagers!
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, 
> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into 
> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "jill" <jillbilly4 at comcast.net>
> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 9:50 PM
> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have allthemannersgone? 
> (questionforBlindParentlist)
>
>> Yes, I think that people think we are either miracles of nature being 
>> able
>> to be independent, or people who only look from a far as those poor " 
>> blind
>> people".  Never just Jill the nut down the street!  It is the crazy old
>> blind lady!  Smile
>> Jill
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
>> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 10:11 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all themannersgone? 
>> (questionforBlind
>> Parent list)
>>
>> And that's really the heart of the matter.  We must remember that's it's
>> blindness they are afraid of or how they would function of their sight 
>> was
>> gone.  It's not us that they are afraid of.
>> We can make or break the stereotypes they have of blind folks or dispel 
>> or
>> add to their fears of going blind themselves.
>> We may not like it, but we spend our lives being role models.
>> Barbara
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of 
>> liberty.--John
>> F. Kennedy
>> -----Original Message----- 
>> From: Erin Rumer
>> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 9:50 PM
>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the mannersgone?
>> (questionforBlind Parent list)
>>
>> Yes, I remember hearing about a study where people said they'd rather 
>> lose
>> two of their limbs than go blind so that really shows how petrified 
>> people
>> are of blindness.  We need to try as hard as it is not to take it 
>> personally
>> and just show people that we are capable, beautiful and real people with
>> feelings, sense of humors and hobbies just like everyone else.  I had a
>> woman come up to me just yesterday who couldn't believe that I stay home
>> alone with my son every day and get every wear we go independently.  I 
>> just
>> had to remind myself that it's really herself that she couldn't imagine
>> taking care of a baby if she was blind and has nothing to do with me 
>> because
>> I'm perfectly capable.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
>> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 7:31 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone?
>> (questionforBlind Parent list)
>>
>> But the truth of the matter is they are afraid of "catching blindness".
>> They are terrified of what their future would look like if they lost 
>> their
>> sight.  That is one of the greatest fears one faces.
>> Barbara
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of 
>> liberty.--John
>> F. Kennedy
>> -----Original Message----- 
>> From: jill
>> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 8:27 PM
>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone?
>> (questionforBlind Parent list)
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth,
>> I am afraid I experience the same attitudes here as well.  I have often
>> wondered if people were afraid of catching blindness...just kidding.  I
>> usually in those situations continue to talk and make them talk to me.  I
>> think it bothers my older son when we are out and people stare.  I had
>> rather take a moment to teach, but he wants to be invisible.  I chalk a 
>> lot
>> of that up to him being 13.  He did get really angry at school the other
>> day.  He got into a word fight with a boy.  His coach asked what it was 
>> over
>> and the other boy had to run laps in P.E.  The kid said "how did John's 
>> mom
>> get her fingers burnt" and then the kid said "she was reading a waffle
>> iron".  My son used a few choice words at him.  I told John that the boy 
>> was
>> just showing his ignorance.  At least the coach didn't punish John for
>> standing up for me.  You always think that things will evolve, and they 
>> have
>> to some degree, but just like with racism, they still have a long way to 
>> go.
>> Jill
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Veronica Smith
>> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 6:40 PM
>> To: 'Deborah Kent Stein'; 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question
>> forBlind Parent list)
>>
>> Jo elizabeth, the rest of the world is just rude.  This stuff still 
>> happens
>> to me especially at the school.  Everyone seems to run in pakcs and the 
>> one
>> that is different is left out.  Just today while at gab's last day of 5th
>> grade, al these mom's were talking to one another and when I joined in, 
>> the
>> replys were short and to the point and when the kids moved to another
>> station, they seemed to walk away, never asking if I needed help getting
>> through the maze of water bottles and cones.  I can do it, but it would 
>> have
>> been nice to be asked anyway.
>> It also happens to me at girl scout's, where you'd think they should have
>> more manners.  I just ignore them and do my own thing as I know they 
>> won't
>> even acknolegeme.
>> As for the snacks and stuff, just bring something for Sara and to heck 
>> with
>> their snacks.  But don't take her from her friends, maybe they will get 
>> used
>> to the idea of a blind mom hanging around.  Maybe next time they bring 
>> out
>> refreshments, you should say, I should of brought one for myself.  Myabe
>> then, they will get the hint that you are a real person. V
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Deborah Kent Stein
>> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 4:45 PM
>> To: Multiple recipients of NFBnet blparent Mailing List
>> Subject: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for 
>> Blind
>> Parent list)
>>
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth asked me to post this as she's having problems with her 
>> email
>> account.
>>
>> ______
>>
>>
>> Hi.  I've had an interesting question come up as my daughter has gotten 
>> old
>> enough that we can walk around the neighborhood and play with the other
>> kids.  There are a couple of families who live in the complex, one with a
>> child a few months older than Sarah, and one with a child a few months
>> younger, as well as some older girls.  Sarah likes to play with the kids,
>> who are often outside.  We've gone up there a couple of times, and I've 
>> sat
>> on the sidewalk with the other moms, occasionally enforcing the rules 
>> about
>> Sarah having to share and so on, but otherwise leaving her to play.
>>
>> The first thing I noticed is that the other moms pretty much talk to each
>> other and don't include me in the conversation.  I'm somewhat of an
>> introvert, and also used to this, so I didn't do a whole lot about it at
>> first.  I just threw in a comment here or there, and they would answer
>> politely and then go on talking among themselves.  That bothered me a
>> little, but I let it roll off because Sarah had been enjoying the company 
>> of
>> the other kids.  Then, when I was there a few weeks ago, the moms and 
>> their
>> husbands were sitting around, and somebody brought out beers--for 
>> everybody
>> except me.  I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't care, though I would 
>> have
>> loved a glass of water.  But it struck me as odd that I wasn't offered
>> anything.
>>
>> So then the final straw was this morning.  The girls were out playing 
>> with
>> Barbie things on the sidewalk, so Sarah asked nicely if she could join 
>> them.
>> She did a great job of sharing all morning, I was proud of her.  Then the
>> girls went into their houses to get snacks.  They brought out chips and
>> wouldn't give any to Sarah, even though she asked politely.  She cried, 
>> and
>> one of the moms called out the window to see what she was crying for.  So 
>> I
>> said we had to go home and have lunch, and of course, Sarah was upset and
>> didn't want to leave.
>>
>> So what's the deal?  I'm really appalled.  I wouldn't even consider 
>> giving
>> my kid or myself drinks or snacks when others were over without offering
>> them any.  And if Sarah had something to eat, I would insist that she 
>> would
>> share.  So am I hopelessly old-fashioned, or is there a real problem with
>> the rest of the world?  And what should I do?  Should I keep Sarah away 
>> from
>> the little girls, even though she enjoys playing with them?  Should I 
>> take
>> the lack of interaction from the moms as a sign that we aren't really 
>> wanted
>> there?  Or should I just chalk it up to them being nervous about my
>> blindness and keep on appearing over there till they get relaxed?  Should 
>> I
>> bring drinks and snacks for myself and Sarah, or bring them for 
>> everybody?
>> I'm just really troubled and at a loss.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
>> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
>> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
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