[blparent] Fw: Where have all themanners gone? (questionforBlind Parent list)

Deborah Kent Stein dkent5817 at att.net
Tue May 24 17:38:07 UTC 2011 


What a wonderful way to understand the different perceptions that sometimes 
loom so large!  Thank you for this thought, I'm sure I'll be passing it 
forward!

Debbie

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "PICKRELL, REBECCA M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2011 7:52 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all themanners gone? 
(questionforBlind Parent list)


> Comments like these don't phase me because we all have our comfort areas. 
> If I didn't have on-demmand water at any temperature I want and that is 
> also safe to drink, I'm sure I'd figure out how to parent and live. I'm 
> also sure things would suck for awhile until I did figure it out.
> Experience and skill sets are incrementa.  Logic says that of course 
> someone wouldn't know how to function if they can't see if seeing is all 
> they know.
> Change the word "blind" to "water" or "electricity" or "health care I can 
> access and trust" and you'll probably have the same reaction. How would I 
> parent if I didn't have access to the tools, methods and process that I 
> know work?
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
> Behalf Of Erin Rumer
> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 10:50 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? 
> (questionforBlind Parent list)
>
> Yes, I remember hearing about a study where people said they'd rather lose
> two of their limbs than go blind so that really shows how petrified people
> are of blindness.  We need to try as hard as it is not to take it 
> personally
> and just show people that we are capable, beautiful and real people with
> feelings, sense of humors and hobbies just like everyone else.  I had a
> woman come up to me just yesterday who couldn't believe that I stay home
> alone with my son every day and get every wear we go independently.  I 
> just
> had to remind myself that it's really herself that she couldn't imagine
> taking care of a baby if she was blind and has nothing to do with me 
> because
> I'm perfectly capable.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 7:31 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone?
> (questionforBlind Parent list)
>
> But the truth of the matter is they are afraid of "catching blindness".
> They are terrified of what their future would look like if they lost their
> sight.  That is one of the greatest fears one faces.
> Barbara
>
>
>
>
> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.--John
> F. Kennedy
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: jill
> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 8:27 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone?
> (questionforBlind Parent list)
>
> Jo Elizabeth,
> I am afraid I experience the same attitudes here as well.  I have often
> wondered if people were afraid of catching blindness...just kidding.  I
> usually in those situations continue to talk and make them talk to me.  I
> think it bothers my older son when we are out and people stare.  I had
> rather take a moment to teach, but he wants to be invisible.  I chalk a 
> lot
> of that up to him being 13.  He did get really angry at school the other
> day.  He got into a word fight with a boy.  His coach asked what it was 
> over
> and the other boy had to run laps in P.E.  The kid said "how did John's 
> mom
> get her fingers burnt" and then the kid said "she was reading a waffle
> iron".  My son used a few choice words at him.  I told John that the boy 
> was
> just showing his ignorance.  At least the coach didn't punish John for
> standing up for me.  You always think that things will evolve, and they 
> have
> to some degree, but just like with racism, they still have a long way to 
> go.
> Jill
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Veronica Smith
> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 6:40 PM
> To: 'Deborah Kent Stein'; 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question
> forBlind Parent list)
>
> Jo elizabeth, the rest of the world is just rude.  This stuff still 
> happens
> to me especially at the school.  Everyone seems to run in pakcs and the 
> one
> that is different is left out.  Just today while at gab's last day of 5th
> grade, al these mom's were talking to one another and when I joined in, 
> the
> replys were short and to the point and when the kids moved to another
> station, they seemed to walk away, never asking if I needed help getting
> through the maze of water bottles and cones.  I can do it, but it would 
> have
> been nice to be asked anyway.
> It also happens to me at girl scout's, where you'd think they should have
> more manners.  I just ignore them and do my own thing as I know they won't
> even acknolegeme.
> As for the snacks and stuff, just bring something for Sara and to heck 
> with
> their snacks.  But don't take her from her friends, maybe they will get 
> used
> to the idea of a blind mom hanging around.  Maybe next time they bring out
> refreshments, you should say, I should of brought one for myself.  Myabe
> then, they will get the hint that you are a real person. V
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Deborah Kent Stein
> Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 4:45 PM
> To: Multiple recipients of NFBnet blparent Mailing List
> Subject: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for 
> Blind
> Parent list)
>
>
> Jo Elizabeth asked me to post this as she's having problems with her email
> account.
>
> ______
>
>
> Hi.  I've had an interesting question come up as my daughter has gotten 
> old
> enough that we can walk around the neighborhood and play with the other
> kids.  There are a couple of families who live in the complex, one with a
> child a few months older than Sarah, and one with a child a few months
> younger, as well as some older girls.  Sarah likes to play with the kids,
> who are often outside.  We've gone up there a couple of times, and I've 
> sat
> on the sidewalk with the other moms, occasionally enforcing the rules 
> about
> Sarah having to share and so on, but otherwise leaving her to play.
>
> The first thing I noticed is that the other moms pretty much talk to each
> other and don't include me in the conversation.  I'm somewhat of an
> introvert, and also used to this, so I didn't do a whole lot about it at
> first.  I just threw in a comment here or there, and they would answer
> politely and then go on talking among themselves.  That bothered me a
> little, but I let it roll off because Sarah had been enjoying the company 
> of
> the other kids.  Then, when I was there a few weeks ago, the moms and 
> their
> husbands were sitting around, and somebody brought out beers--for 
> everybody
> except me.  I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't care, though I would 
> have
> loved a glass of water.  But it struck me as odd that I wasn't offered
> anything.
>
> So then the final straw was this morning.  The girls were out playing with
> Barbie things on the sidewalk, so Sarah asked nicely if she could join 
> them.
> She did a great job of sharing all morning, I was proud of her.  Then the
> girls went into their houses to get snacks.  They brought out chips and
> wouldn't give any to Sarah, even though she asked politely.  She cried, 
> and
> one of the moms called out the window to see what she was crying for.  So 
> I
> said we had to go home and have lunch, and of course, Sarah was upset and
> didn't want to leave.
>
> So what's the deal?  I'm really appalled.  I wouldn't even consider giving
> my kid or myself drinks or snacks when others were over without offering
> them any.  And if Sarah had something to eat, I would insist that she 
> would
> share.  So am I hopelessly old-fashioned, or is there a real problem with
> the rest of the world?  And what should I do?  Should I keep Sarah away 
> from
> the little girls, even though she enjoys playing with them?  Should I take
> the lack of interaction from the moms as a sign that we aren't really 
> wanted
> there?  Or should I just chalk it up to them being nervous about my
> blindness and keep on appearing over there till they get relaxed?  Should 
> I
> bring drinks and snacks for myself and Sarah, or bring them for everybody?
> I'm just really troubled and at a loss.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
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