[blparent] teaching manners: to jo Elizabeth

[Melissa Ann Riccobono]

I love the idea of a play date at your house.  This would give you time one
on one with at least one parent--if a parent is willing to come--and I think
this can make all the difference.  Good luck to you!  This is one of the
most difficult things I have run into as a blind parent--much more difficult
for me than the basic everyday care of my children has been.  I must say
it's getting better mostly because I've been able to reach out to parents a
little at a time on a more one on one basis by starting conversations at the
playground, and on walks around the neighborhood.  We also have a
neighborhood email list for parents which has helped me to get to know a few
parents.  
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of jan wright
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2011 4:13 PM
To: blparent
Subject: [blparent] teaching manners: to jo Elizabeth

Hi, this is difficult because parents can really be rude and closed
minded and your child suffers.
Jo Elizabeth, Can your daughter ask one of the girls to come and play
at her house? I found that if you have one of the girls come play at
the house and then offer snacks to both of them, then you are
reminding your daughter -- and them, also, to have good manners. You
can even invite that parent along; but i found that most often,
parents did not want to come.
sometimes, I would pack a picnic basket for my children and when I
noticed that children were getting ready to eat; i might say to my
child, "Remember, we packed a picnic lunch and will go eat it at the
play ground.... Maybe your friends want to join us with their
lunches." or something similar.  sometimes, when you know parents are
acting blindophobic, it is a good idea to initiate something on your
own terms or territory.
I, myself, am not good with "initiation" or starting conversations,
but I learned to get better or to have an equally interesting option,
just in case my children were getting snubbed because of my blindness.
And, sometimes, my option sounded much better than what the children
were doing and the children wanted to tag along despite their parents'
fears.
If this persists, you might want to let your daughter play for a bit
of time, but always have something else scheduled for lunch and don't
wait until the children are pulling out their lunches. make sure your
lunch plans are maybe at 11:45, when you know that the other children
are eating at 12:00. maybe you can walk somewhere fun and eat the
lunch or make something that the child likes or coordinate lunch with
their favorite movie or show or another activity. It is easier to say:
"We need to eat our lunch now so that we can get to the park to feed
the ducks." or something similar.
i know that it is hard, but sometimes you have to have something
wonderfully fun to do and the parents and the other children see you
and your daughter doing something that looks quite fun and that sparks
some conversation and gets parents out of their comfort zone.
Are there other blind parents close by?
Or, maybe other disabled parents?
Strangely enough, I found that when there are two blind parents and
their children are playing happily and the parents are talking and
looking like they are enjoying themselves, that inspires sighted
children and parents to want to join in.
Yes, I noticed this blindophobic behavior in Girlscouts, on sports
teams, in school, from church  folk and sometimes, even with family
members.    It doesn't seem like it is getting much better, but you
never know. you might find that one parent who is willing to take that
risk. you just have to keep trying.

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