[blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for BlindParent list)

[Peggy]

It really is hard to fit in with the other sighted parents.  I do not have a 
lot of friends amoung my kid's friend's parents.  I mean, you can confront 
them, as some have suggested, but I'm not sure that's going to work either. 
Could just make an already tense situation worse.  I'd keep doing what 
you're doing, letting Sarah play with the kids, trying to interact, and I'd 
bring snacks for everyone, maybe at least the other girls will realize, hey 
that little girl shared her snacks, so we should share ours as well.  I know 
it's hard being the excluded one but sometimes you just can't change 
people's perceptions of blindness and if you become too confrontational I'm 
afraid that these little girls won't be allowed to play with Sarah anymore 
and she'd be hurt even more.  Reminds me of the cliques in high school where 
you're the one left out, and it's not a good feeling.  I don't know if 
people just don't think??  It's hard and good luck, keep us updated on how 
things go.  Wonder if after time the parents will loosen up??  Hard to tell.



-----Original Message----- 
From: Deborah Kent Stein
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 5:45 PM
To: Multiple recipients of NFBnet blparent Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for 
BlindParent list)


Jo Elizabeth asked me to post this as she's having problems with her email 
account.

______


Hi.  I've had an interesting question come up as my daughter has gotten old 
enough that we can walk around the neighborhood and play with the other 
kids.  There are a couple of families who live in the complex, one with a 
child a few months older than Sarah, and one with a child a few months 
younger, as well as some older girls.  Sarah likes to play with the kids, 
who are often outside.  We've gone up there a couple of times, and I've sat 
on the sidewalk with the other moms, occasionally enforcing the rules about 
Sarah having to share and so on, but otherwise leaving her to play.

The first thing I noticed is that the other moms pretty much talk to each 
other and don't include me in the conversation.  I'm somewhat of an 
introvert, and also used to this, so I didn't do a whole lot about it at 
first.  I just threw in a comment here or there, and they would answer 
politely and then go on talking among themselves.  That bothered me a 
little, but I let it roll off because Sarah had been enjoying the company of 
the other kids.  Then, when I was there a few weeks ago, the moms and their 
husbands were sitting around, and somebody brought out beers--for everybody 
except me.  I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't care, though I would have 
loved a glass of water.  But it struck me as odd that I wasn't offered 
anything.

So then the final straw was this morning.  The girls were out playing with 
Barbie things on the sidewalk, so Sarah asked nicely if she could join them. 
She did a great job of sharing all morning, I was proud of her.  Then the 
girls went into their houses to get snacks.  They brought out chips and 
wouldn't give any to Sarah, even though she asked politely.  She cried, and 
one of the moms called out the window to see what she was crying for.  So I 
said we had to go home and have lunch, and of course, Sarah was upset and 
didn't want to leave.

So what's the deal?  I'm really appalled.  I wouldn't even consider giving 
my kid or myself drinks or snacks when others were over without offering 
them any.  And if Sarah had something to eat, I would insist that she would 
share.  So am I hopelessly old-fashioned, or is there a real problem with 
the rest of the world?  And what should I do?  Should I keep Sarah away from 
the little girls, even though she enjoys playing with them?  Should I take 
the lack of interaction from the moms as a sign that we aren't really wanted 
there?  Or should I just chalk it up to them being nervous about my 
blindness and keep on appearing over there till they get relaxed?  Should I 
bring drinks and snacks for myself and Sarah, or bring them for everybody? 
I'm just really troubled and at a loss.

Jo Elizabeth

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, 
unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into 
advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
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