[blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for BlindParent list)

Tue May 24 02:41:29 UTC 2011

I second what Barbra just said.  Additionally, I would just have a
heart-to-heart with your daughter if you haven't already so she understands
that she's not doing anything wrong not to be offered snacks and that it's
important to still be kind toward others even if they're not being the
nicest to you.  Then hopefully with time and open communication those folks
will come around that way kids and adults alike can all play nice. GRIN

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 7:27 PM
To: Deborah Kent Stein; NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for
BlindParent list)

Jo Elizabeth
First of all, I'd talk with the moms and find out just what they think of
you--might not be much fun.  Or maybe I'd tell them you've noticed their
exclusion of you and were wondering if they had some questions they've been
afraid to ask.
I'd heap coals upon their heads by bringing snacks and drinks for everyone
some time.
Yeah, sometimes we have to treat the sighted people like children to get to
the root of their problem with you before they can see you for the person
you are.
Part of me says just forget it because they obviously don't want you.  But
the point here is that Sarah wants to play with friends so the grown-ups
gotta be mature so the children can learn how to be mature.
Barbara

Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.--John
F. Kennedy -----Original Message-----
From: Deborah Kent Stein
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 5:45 PM
To: Multiple recipients of NFBnet blparent Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for
BlindParent list)

Jo Elizabeth asked me to post this as she's having problems with her email
account.

______

Hi.  I've had an interesting question come up as my daughter has gotten old
enough that we can walk around the neighborhood and play with the other
kids.  There are a couple of families who live in the complex, one with a
child a few months older than Sarah, and one with a child a few months
younger, as well as some older girls.  Sarah likes to play with the kids,
who are often outside.  We've gone up there a couple of times, and I've sat
on the sidewalk with the other moms, occasionally enforcing the rules about
Sarah having to share and so on, but otherwise leaving her to play.

The first thing I noticed is that the other moms pretty much talk to each
other and don't include me in the conversation.  I'm somewhat of an
introvert, and also used to this, so I didn't do a whole lot about it at
first.  I just threw in a comment here or there, and they would answer
politely and then go on talking among themselves.  That bothered me a
little, but I let it roll off because Sarah had been enjoying the company of
the other kids.  Then, when I was there a few weeks ago, the moms and their
husbands were sitting around, and somebody brought out beers--for everybody
except me.  I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't care, though I would have
loved a glass of water.  But it struck me as odd that I wasn't offered
anything.

So then the final straw was this morning.  The girls were out playing with
Barbie things on the sidewalk, so Sarah asked nicely if she could join them.

She did a great job of sharing all morning, I was proud of her.  Then the
girls went into their houses to get snacks.  They brought out chips and
wouldn't give any to Sarah, even though she asked politely.  She cried, and
one of the moms called out the window to see what she was crying for.  So I
said we had to go home and have lunch, and of course, Sarah was upset and
didn't want to leave.

So what's the deal?  I'm really appalled.  I wouldn't even consider giving
my kid or myself drinks or snacks when others were over without offering
them any.  And if Sarah had something to eat, I would insist that she would
share.  So am I hopelessly old-fashioned, or is there a real problem with
the rest of the world?  And what should I do?  Should I keep Sarah away from
the little girls, even though she enjoys playing with them?  Should I take
the lack of interaction from the moms as a sign that we aren't really wanted
there?  Or should I just chalk it up to them being nervous about my
blindness and keep on appearing over there till they get relaxed?  Should I
bring drinks and snacks for myself and Sarah, or bring them for everybody? 
I'm just really troubled and at a loss.

Jo Elizabeth

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
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