[blparent] Advice on playing with cane

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

I think you mistake my concerns for chastisement and anger. For any
child to think of others instead of themselves is a gift and something
to be cultivated. What I want for my children is to understand that
having a disability doesn't mean a person is incapable or a victim. When
my nephew "helped" me it was because other adults told him to do so. I
already had learned to use my cane and didn't require help all the time,
but many still doubted that I could be okay without help. They thought
it was necessary and cute to have my nephew guide me around except they
failed to get that he was a two-year-old child who didn't have the
ability to safely guide a person. It's not that I have a problem with
sighted guide; it's that I have a problem people thinking it makes sense
to allow a toddler to be a guide when in most situations a toddler would
never be considered for such a responsibility. Caiden had to learn that
helping is a kind thing to do, and we've never chastised him for his
behavior, nor will we ever demean or mock him, but we've had discussions
with him, and the other kids, explaining that Uncle Ross and Aunt
Bridgey's eyes don't work, but we do things just like them.

In the past nine years, I've encountered people who assume the kids are
helping me when out-and-about. Blindness is considered such a
debilitating disability that toddlers and young children are more
capable than a grown adult who happens to be blind. Not all people hold
to such ideas, but enough do, and it's important my kids don't grow up
unable to use common sense and reason.

Teaching our children that blindness doesn't render one helpless and
less capable does not mean we're not cultivating a spirit of kindness
and generosity. You say a gift for helping others can be cooled if used
properly, and that is exactly the issue- using it properly. As blind
people we know the fine balance between assistance and overly helpful
assistance that's not necessary. Caiden was being taught that as a blind
person, his aunt and uncle were different and required extra help other
adults didn't need. If we didn't step up and teach him a different view,
he'd grow up and become one of the many adults in the world who view
those who are blind as not equal to those with sight. For crying out
loud, we're still fighting for equal wages, equal employment, rights to
raise our children, equal education- equal opportunities of all kinds.
Why instill similar mindsets in children who have the potential to grow
up another way?

It's not the attitude of helpfulness I'm concerned about; it's the
attitude that believes blindness makes one incapable and not competent.
This vital lessons are learned in childhood. If I allow any child in my
life to accept that I'm somehow in need of more assistance than others,
I'm cultivating the very attitude the NFB is fighting against.

I would never chastise or degrade a child helping me, or others, but I
won't cultivate the negative attitudes and stereotypes that hold blind
people back. I will teach the opposite with love and compassion, but
teach it I will.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 1
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2011 17:45:37 +0000
From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List' <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Advice on playing with cane
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It might be that when you were loosing your vision that you did need
extra help. Your nephew knew you during that time, your daughter didn't.
And, what's wrong with this. Maybe he'll take his mindset and apply it
towards something very cool

Your nephew also may be a person who is a natural caretaker. The world
needs more of these people and they are wonderful. So long as he isn't
inappropriate or demeaning, let him use this gift. It has the potential
to bennifit any number of people if used properly.