[blparent] Winning or Losing (was inflatable tub bumpers)

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

The problem is, a lot of parents and coaches aren't in their right mind 
about winning or losing.  My nephew is in four or five sports at any given 
time--too many, in my opinion, but he's not my kid.  Anyway, some of the 
parents should be kicked out of the events, the way they scream and yell at 
the coaches and referees if they don't think their kid is getting enough 
play or if they think the referee made a bad call against their child.  Some 
of the coaches are crazy, too, telling the kids that "second place is the 
first loser" and other nonsense like that.

I'll never forget, it was probably fifteen years ago or more, I was standing 
around at a baseball game.  I don't even recall who I was there to cheer 
for.  But there was a kid up to bat, and if he hit the ball, the player on 
third would have run home to win the game.  It was his moment to be the 
hero, the big shot, only he missed.  It happens.  In fact, it probably 
happens more times than not.  Part of sports, or at least it used to be, was 
learning to accept a loss gracefully, because it would be a needede skill in 
life.  Well, the kid was disappointed enough--if he'd been mine, I would 
have said that it's just the way it goes sometimes, and we would have gone 
out for ice cream or something--but then his dad got out on the field and 
started yelling, literally yelling, at this poor kid in front of everybody, 
saying how he was a disappointment to him and the whole team, how he wasn't 
worthy of wearing the uniform--and then he made the kid strip off the 
uniform, out there in front of God and everybody, and walk to the car in 
just his skivvies because he'd let the team down.  I bet that kid will never 
forget the trauma of that day.  I always felt bad that I didn't step out on 
the field myself and tell that father to get a f***ing grip.  I was just so 
shocked, as was everybody.  Now that I'm a parent, it's even more 
unthinkable--somebody should have called CPS or the police on the spot. 
Most parents aren't that insane, but even with my nephew, he was worried 
about keeping his weight down so he could play certain positions in peewee 
football--at eight years old!  I have a cousin who, if he got second place 
in a wrestling match, would stomp around the gym, making a fool of himself, 
and sulk for days.  And their parents are driving this obsession.

So what I mean is, part of it is that parents need to teach their kids it's 
okay not to be in first place.  But instead, they want that winning edge all 
the time.  There was an Easter egg hunt in a nearby town that got canceled, 
not because the kids were out of hand, but because the kids were getting 
mowed down by parents who were going to make darn sure their child got an 
egg.  Sarah and I were at a restaurant last night, and she got to enter a 
drawing for a Dora the Explorer Easter basket--Dora is Queen Bee around 
here--and she wanted the basket more than life itself, at least for the 
moment.  I had to try and explain to her that a bunch of other kids also 
wanted the basket, and only one would win, and that it would be okay if it 
wasn't her.

Off my soapbox now, but this is a touchy one for me, having come from a 
family where competition was a high art form, and if you weren't perfect, 
there was never a legitimate excuse as to why.  If you got a B, why wasn't 
it an A, and if it was an A, why wasn't it an A+--and sometimes a B is just 
fine, and something to be proud of.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, 
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of 
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of 
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Tay Laurie" <j.t.laurie at gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 8:13 AM
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] inflatable tub bumpers

> That's another thing, the winning/losing. They don't want the kids to 
> experience losing. They don't want to trample on their self-esteem. Pardon 
> me, but I played plenty of win-lose games, still do, actually, and it 
> doesn't crush me if I lose. I don't think it crushes very many, if any, 
> kids if they win or lose, once they understand it's not the end of the 
> world.
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Peggy" <pshald at neb.rr.com>
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 6:52 AM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] inflatable tub bumpers
>
>
>> Oh I think a lot of parents are over protective and also sue happy, as 
>> mentioned on this list.  A lot of the playground equipment is being taken 
>> down because it's a safety hazzard.  Games can't be played because of 
>> safety reasons or because someone wins or loses.  We have a trampoline in 
>> our backyard and a couple summers ago our little neighbor boy fell off 
>> and broke his arm and I thought surely she'll sue but she didn't, she 
>> believes like I do, accidents happen and kids will get hurt.  They want 
>> them to have the physical activities because they're overweight but so 
>> many things are taken away, what are they supposed to do?