[blparent] Confidence and blind parentaing, is it just me?

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

I think there is a fine balance between confidence and arrogance that
all people, disabled or not, must find when dealing with society. I
agree, however, that when we as people who happen to be blind display
confidence, it goes a long way.

There is also "acting" with confidence and there is actually having
confidence that naturally exudes from ourselves. Speaking specifically
about blindness, confidence is gained through learning and using
whatever tools and methods allow one to accomplish things with
efficiency. It is achieved through challenging ourselves and one another
to reach for goals and try new things. It's observed through our
interactions and ability to respond to situations just like our peers,
meaning seeking whatever goals and dreams we have, whether they be
school, employment, starting a family, leisure activities, etc., and
doing the best we can, not making excuses, doing our share.

Ross and I do not encounter many people who doubt our ability to do
things to the point of involving authorities or outside institutions .
We certainly come across the ignorant, but we live our lives in a way
that quite often contrast with most people's perceptions of blindness.

Dress, education, employment, these are important but not the whole of
what confidence is. To say a suit demands respect certainly "can" be a
true statement, but a suit is not appropriate attire for all situations,
nor do all people own and wear suits for many, many reasons. This does
not render a person less confident because they do not wear a suit
unless of course it's an appropriate circumstance such as a wedding or
formal event. I use the suit scenario to make a specific point because
you can replace "suit" with pretty much anything. Confidence begins from
within, and once you possess it, in my experience, your very personage
demands respect and people treat you as an equal. As the saying goes,
the suit does not make the man.

Being articulate helps anyone in any situation. This is a skill we
should all learn regardless of circumstances. Also keep in mind that
articulation in written communications, such as listserves,  is equally
important. Meaning spelling words correctly. Just saying.

Ross and I have been so blessed because we do not have family, friends
or medical professionals who doubt our ability to care for ourselves and
our children. Many have questions and wonder how we do certain things,
and of course some believe us amazing and above the average person for
what we can accomplish nonvisually, but so far, no one treats us as
though we can not care and provide for ourselves and our family. No one
is concerned that we can protect and care for a baby, and for this, I'm
grateful.

As people who are blind, we all know the potential issues that can
arise, and we all prepare for the future and what it may bring whether
it's about our family, job or other things. I live my life not as a
"blind person" but simply as a person. I too was not always blind, so
it's a new experience, and one I'm still adjusting to eight years later,
to have people focus so much on this one aspect of me and question and
doubt my ability to do things. Sure I have my moments like we all do,
but generally I do not adopt a combative attitude or a reverse prejudice
attitude of superiority in an attempt to display confidence. I try to be
level-headed, kind and answer questions to the best of my ability when
questions are asked. I do not "fear" what others think or may do because
I know my abilities and rights, and I choose to enter each situation in
life being just me and not allowing blindness to be the sole focus. In
my experience, once the initial shock wears off, and I mingle and speak
with others and do my part depending on the scenario and what a given
situation calls for, people stop focusing on my blindness and try to get
to know me on a sincere level.

I don't become combative or passive-aggressive, but I also don't become
a wall-flower, hanging off in the wings silently. My personality didn't
change when I lost my sight, and I choose to do what I have always done,
and act the way I have always acted, and I do what I can to make myself
equal to my peers. Equality must be taken as much as it must be given.
If I want to be an equal, I must then conduct myself in a way that is in
deed equal to others.

No one ever is fully confident in every single situation in life, but if
we are prepared, walk into encounters with our heads held high, walking
proud, doing "normal" things, whatever normal is, and understand that a
part of being confident means we don't have all the answers, we may have
questions, that confidence not only continues to build within us, but it
transcends to others, and they will start to see us for more than just a
blind person.

Exterior things certainly help, but they alone do not instill confidence
nor do they necessarily inspire confidence in others. Confidence is
truly a state of mind that anyone, regardless of various life
circumstances, can attain and exude.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 5
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2012 19:00:31 -0700
From: Gabe Vega <theblindtech at gmail.com>
To: nfb blind parent blindparent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [blparent] confidents and blind parentaing? is it just me?
Message-ID: <2AB0B5B5-5B44-4865-8DAE-25C3D6A6B356 at gmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset=us-ascii

I was reading some posts today and it got me thinking.

I would like to start off by saying that I have an 11 year old daughter
that I have had since about age 6 and I did in fact have to fight for
custody of her, it was a long raging fight for 2.5 years but in the end,
a lot of money spent and hoops I jumped through I finally got my
daughter from her drug attic mother, and the foster system of
california.

saying all that, I have been in interactions with doctor's, attorneys,
local, state and federal agencies both civilian and law enforcement
types to where at any time my parenting could, have been questioned by
anyone. but has not and will not ever be an issue. my house is always
keep clean and I am always ready to have some one in my home. that
doesn't mean its spic and span because you can't have that 24-7 but I
make a concerted effort to have a clean home from the time I wake up to
the time I sleep.

the daughter's school is another one I am heavily involved in as an
involved parent with my daughter's education. I show up to the school
always dressed to impress and my daily dress is always business ware and
either a great polo or a button down with a tie. you have no idea how
suits and ties bring a great amount of respect

and I have to be honest and say that, maybe its Phoenix, but both myself
and other blind parents I know here just don't deal with a lot of nosy
agencies. and now would be a time if any for CPS to question a blind
parent here because so many sighted parents had either killed their
child or injured them almost to death and if a blind parent were to get
caught up I am not sure how that would work out. but the point I make is
that I am a very confident person, I present myself as such stern, firm
and I won't back down from anything I believe in. I speak with a great
vocabulary and if need be I stand my ground with a hint of
aggressiveness if the situation calls for.

I know there are many people who on emails or on the internet in general
would love to look at themselves in this same light and would think they
can talk the talk and also walk the walk but as a blind parent you can
even almost call me an A--Hole because I am so confident. some times
that intimidates people and I don't apologize for it simply because I am
where I am in life and I have what I have in life specifically because I
live the way I do.

when my x-wife and I delivered our son, we had no issues, not one. when
I take my daughter to her check ups, again at the doctor no issue.

between myself and my x-wife I take my son to his appointments, on dial
a ride and if I need help feeling out the paper work then I just ask to
do it, if they give me any gruff, I just tell them that if I have to
call the insurance to explain that they are refusing to accommodate me
as a blind client well I'm sure that would put their contract in
jeppurty.

not sure how I will end this but I will leave you all with this, hold
your head up high, hide your fears even in your facial expressions . the
more professional, confident and self reliant you look to others, by how
you talk, dress and present yourself you'll get far, this held true when
I could see as a teen as well so I'm sure its just not a blind issue.

If you have any comments or questions feel free to leave them in
replies, I'll also be glad to take calls at the phone number at the
bottom of this email.