[blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was introduction, expecting)

Sun Aug 12 19:13:07 UTC 2012

I opted for the home health nurse to come in, too, not because I was blind 
but because I was willing to admit that I didn't know much about babies.  I 
got a lot of good advice from the nurse, and I also got records of the 
visits to show that everything was fine, which I kept on file.  That's a bit 
much for most situations, but like I said, I had family members who wanted 
to take guardianship of my baby.  So I felt the home health nurse would be 
one more proof that I was doing a competemtn job.

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Peggy
Sent: Sunday, August 12, 2012 5:23 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was 
introduction,expecting)

Whether you are blind or sighted they have someone come around and talk to
you from their different divisions, or they do here.  I know this because
when I've been visiting other mom's some of these different people have come
in, even a rep from social services.  And you are oh so right everyone needs
help, especially with that first baby.  You are so excited, so nervous,
wanting to do everything right and feeling that you're doing everything
wrong.  When my daughter was born they asked me if I wanted a home health
nurse to come in and visit once or twice a month just to see how things were
going ... and maybe they did this because I was blind, I'm not sure, I
didn't ask.  I did however take them up on the offer, not because I was
blind but because I was a new scared mom.  And it did help a lot, she
answered questions I had, she helped me know what to look for with certain
things, diaper rash, gas, etc.  So I agree, before you jump on the band
wagon of I can do it all myself, keep in mind, not all sighted parents, most
sighted parents, can't do it all alone.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, August 11, 2012 6:58 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was
introduction,expecting)

I don't mean for my message to be imflamatory, either.  But I've been
wondering about the same issue Bernadetta brought up, except from a
different angle.

The way I see it, every mom, or every couple, needs some help when there's a
new baby in the house.  Sighted or blind, young or mature, experienced or
novice, it doesn't matter.  It used to be that extended families were
closer, and aid from relatives wasn't uncommon.  But these days, a new mom's
network is likely to consist of friends and neighbors as well as maybe some
family.  I'm not advocating dependence on sighted people.  I've done the
greater share of raising my four-year-old daughter, and she's none the worse
for wear because she has a blind mom.  But there were times when I needed
help, usually not due to my blindness at all.  For example, when my daughter
was an infant, she had to wear a brace because she had been born with a
dislocated hip.  She couldn't move around too much, so she had a lot of
discomfort from gas, as well as from the restrictions of the brace.
Sometimes she would cry endlessly, hour after hour.  On several occasions
when that happened, I called the former pastor's husband, who was often
available during the day.  He came over and held my baby so I could get a
break, or at least have someone to talk to, someone who could assure me that
I would get through the tough times and that I wasn't a bad mom because I
couldn't make my baby stop crying.  Once or twice, I even managed to slip in
a relaxing shower, knowing my baby was in gentle, competent hands.  Another
time, I went to the emergency room with a gallbladder attack, which involved
indescribable pain.  My baby was five weeks old.  I had her dad call a good
friend of mine who stopped in the middle of cooking dinner and came to the
hospital to look after my daughter while I underwent a CT scan and some
other tests.

I'm using these examples to point out that every mom needs help, not because
she's blind but because life issues come up, and sometimes babies can just
plain wear out their caregivers.  So if a blind mom, or a blind couple, goes
int the hospital with the attitude that they're going to do everything
themselves, and they don't need any assistance at all, thank you but no,
that might be a red flag for the staff.  While my doctor was doing one of
the seemingly countless cervical exams, about halfway through my labor, with
most of his hand stuck where it really wasn't designed to go, he asked me if
I would have someone to help me after the baby was born.  I calmly said yes
I would, because I knew some members of my church had planned on bringing me
meals for a short time, and I knew also that if I really needed something
urgent, I had friends who would be there in no time flat.  I was confident
in my answer, and that was the end of the discussion.  But if I had said
hey, why would you think I need help?  I'm blind, but I'm independent.  I
can do this all by myself.  Why aren't you more educated about blindness?
Well, that might have prolonged the discussion, making more room for doubts
and questions in the doctor's mind, and possibly leading to the eventual
involvement of Child Protective Services.  So confidence is part of the
issue, but overconfidence and hostility may also be what starts the ball
rolling, and unfortunately, once the ball starts, when it comes to questions
and social workers and the like, it's terribly hard to stop.

Just something to think about,
Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bernadetta Pracon
Sent: Saturday, August 11, 2012 5:29 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] introduction, expecting

It's interesting that hospitals involve child services right away,
before the baby can be released. I'm wondering if it's just because
hospitals aren't educated about blindness and parenting, or if it has
to do with the parents involved. I'm saying this because, though I was
observed extensively as I said in a previous email, I wasn't threatened
with child services. Could it be that the demeanor of the blind parents
dictates some of what the hospital staff puts them through?
I don't mean to be judgmental or criticize people I don't know, but
perhaps it would benefit some new or perspective parents to get some
pointers on what they should and shouldn't do or say when people are
challenging their ability to care for their child.
Who's to say that some people really aren't capable of caring for their
child. Can we honestly say that in each case in which parental custody
was terminated due to a hospital's intervention, the termination was
unfounded?
I'm sure there have been some cases where a parent or a set of parents
either conveyed that they wouldn't be able to care for their child
successfully, or in fact, were incapable of doing so. It might not
necessarily have to do with their blindness in general, but with issues
stemming from their blindness.
I think it's great that people are advocating for hospitals to be more
educated about parenting as a blind person, but maybe it's not always
the hospital's fault. It seems that the majority of parents who say
that they haven't had any issues with child services are the ones who
exude confidence and seem competent, while those who claim they have
had issues with people intervening to the point where their custodial
rights were terminated seem a bit more unsure and don't know how to
hold their own when it comes to state workers and hospital staff. When
I was pregnant, I felt that the possibility of having my child taken
away by social services should be on the top of my list of concerns.
But the more I observe, the more I understand that the majority of
blind parents seem to say that they didn't face issues to that extent.
I don't mean for this message to be inflamatory; it's just something
I've been wondering about.

Bernadetta

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