[blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was introduction, expecting)

[Angie Matney]

It's interesting to read everyone's perspective on this issue.

Like Bernadetta, I had a C-section when my son was born. We were
fortunate in that my boyfriend was able to stay in the hospital for
our entire stay. Also, I delivered at a smaller hospital, and I do
know that the labor and delivery nurses, and possibly later the
maternity nurses, made special efforts to be available to us. We said
at the time that we didn't think we could have gotten this kind of
attention if our son had been born at the larger hospital in our area.

I certainly have no issue with a C-section mom not being left alone
with her son.

As the first one who asked a question re Jodie's post, I think I need
to clarify a few things. I didn't say that I would absolutely engage
in an argument on this point, because I certainly understand the need
to pick your battles. But I questioned the hospital's logic, and
depending on the situation, I might have done so at the hospital.
After all, if we could not be left alone with our son at all while at
the hospital, what would we do when we got home? Wouldn't it make more
sense for us to have a little alone-time when people were just a
call-button away?

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I do agree that we have to pick
our battles, and that we need to be aware that if we express too much
"hostility," this could cause greater problems. But I don't think it's
always inappropriate to question steps the hospital staff wants to
take.

Angie




On 8/14/12, Bernadetta Pracon <bernadetta_pracon at samobile.net> wrote:
> It's interesting that the topic of hospital sitters has come up. I,
> like Jodi, was also assigned a sitter or companion or whatever they
> call it while I was still in the hospital with my son.
> Many of you have raised the question of whether a first-time blind
> parent is being discriminated against when given one of those at the
> hospital. Well, ok, maybe they're not assigned to everyone. Maybe
> sighted parents don't get a sitter. However, the hospital at which I
> was had a policy that moms who had had a c section couldn't be left
> alone with their babies due to the medication they were on. I had also
> been put on high magnesium doses because prior to giving birth to my
> son, I was diagnosed with mild preclampsia. So yes, I accepted the room
> sitter situation without much protest, because although I was aware
> that perhaps I was being a little bit singled out, I felt I had to pick
> my battles. Here I was, a new mom who had just been through major
> abdominal surgery, who had no clue how to take care of a baby, and who
> just happened to be blind. For all intents and purposes, I was pretty
> vulnerable. In retrospect, I was so out of it at times due to my meds
> and the lack of sleep that some of my hospital stay is a bit of a
> blurr. But i had the common sense not to argue each and every single
> thing that was thrown my way at the hospital. Someone else in my place
> may have been huffing and puffing about the idea that having a sitter
> in the room with mom and baby is discriminating, but while being caught
> up in that battle, they might have made some enemies within the team of
> hospital staff that was caring for them. And that gets the ball
> rolling, so to speak. That's when the new mom's ability to care for her
> child comes into question, so on and so forth. Truth be told, I
> probably didn't need a sitter with me and my baby. But maybe I did. I
> dont' know. There was this time when I was holding my son and I started
> to doze off. The lady who was assigned to stay with me in my room
> quickly came up to my bed and said she had to take my son and put him
> in his bassinette. I didn't think I was sleepy; My meds were playing
> tricks on me that day. Maybe if she wasn't there, I might have fallen
> asleep, and maybe I would have jerked myself awake in the nick of time,
> but who knows, maybe not. Maybe I might  have had a tragedy on my hands
> if it hadn't been for that, admittedly unnecessary extra person.
> Perhaps I should have been vexed about my privacy being violated. My
> boyfriend couldn't stay all three of the nights that I was there, but
> he did stay overnight on the last night. We both agreed that having
> that person there wasn't really necessary while we were both there, and
> it did sort of nag us that perhaps the extra person was sort of
> infringing on our private time with our son. But guess what? We were
> all set to check out with our baby the next morning. So would it have
> been worth the argument? Not really. Not from my standpoint. Not if my
> ability to take my son home with me would have been put into question
> afterword.
> My son was not premature, but he was born at 4 pounds and 13 ounces, so
> due to his low birth weight, some extra precaution had to be taken.
> Now, whether  that was the reason why I had the sitter in the room with
> me, or whether it was that i was loopy from the meds, or even whether
> it was because I am blind--I'm not sure. The reason probably stemmed
> from all three factors. Should I have questioned the hospital more on
> it or protested it, maybe, but to this day, I personally don't think
> so, because I decided that I'd pick my battles, like I said. My greater
> concern was that the hospital staff wouldn't question my ability as a
> new parent once out of the hospital. My job was to stay on guard with
> nurses and social workers, and prove to them that I could indeed learn
> what I had to learn to get the job done adequately. So there was a
> person there, who was unfamiliar to me who had to sit in my hospital
> room. I had just had my vagina and survix prodded by various doctors
> and resident students.. Doubt I cared much about my privacy at that
> point. My point is, it was just an extra precaution, but it wasn't so
> invasive that I had to make a fuss about it. So I chose to leave it
> alone, and in my oppinion, all turned out well. I chose to educate the
> ignorant, learn what I had to learn, and left well enough alone. That
> ensured that I wasn't over confident, and in turn, that I got to go
> home with my son without a hitch. I think Jodi is right. Whether we
> like it or not, as blind parents, we are going to be scrutinized. We
> are going to have to prove to those less educated about us that we can
> do it, because they, unfortunately, are employed to care for children's
> best interests. So yes, we can fight our battles and educate people,
> but we still have to  accept that there will always be those to whom we
> have to prove our abilities. And the more we accept that with grace,
> wisdom and confidence, the better it will be for us and our children.
> There's a time and place for everything in my oppinion, and there's a
> time and place where it's appropriate for us to pick our battles. If I
> had been a seasoned parent who had gone through natural labor and
> wasn't under the influence of a couple of prescription drugs, I might
> have faught the idea of a sitter in my room more fervently. But this
> means that I'd have been able to change my new baby with confidence
> right from the start, feed him without any issues, and so on. And I
> would have been able to show that to the hospital personell. So
> different circumstances call for different measures.
> In my case, the person who was assigned to my room during the day ended
> up being a major asset. She was a sweet elderly lady named Gladys. She
> kept me company, took care of my boy when I needed to sleep, and she
> observed my boyfriend as he fed and changed our son, while  patiently
> giving him pointers. She was also one of the people who vouched for my
> confidence and abilities, not only as a person who is blind, but as a
> new mother. I was coming along in my new set of skills, and she, as
> someone who's job it was to hang out with me, saw that firsthand, and I
> doubt she would have sat by quietly as some nurse or careless social
> worker wrote nonsense in my charts that could potentially result in my
> son being taken by the state.
>
> Bernadetta
>
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