[blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was introduction, expecting)

[Jennifer Jackson]

Bernadetta, I especially wanted to tell you how well written this is because
I hope to make it clear that my other question was truly meant to clarify
and hopefully let us have some dialogue if we do have a point of
disagreement. After sending my other message about Jessica's situation it
did seem that I might not have made it clear enough that I really was not
intending it as some kind of attack. I value your contributions to this list
and enjoy your well thought out positions.


Jennifer
N----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
Sent: Tuesday, August 14, 2012 3:03 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was
introduction,expecting)

It's interesting that the topic of hospital sitters has come up. I, 
like Jodi, was also assigned a sitter or companion or whatever they 
call it while I was still in the hospital with my son.
Many of you have raised the question of whether a first-time blind 
parent is being discriminated against when given one of those at the 
hospital. Well, ok, maybe they're not assigned to everyone. Maybe  
sighted parents don't get a sitter. However, the hospital at which I 
was had a policy that moms who had had a c section couldn't be left 
alone with their babies due to the medication they were on. I had also 
been put on high magnesium doses because prior to giving birth to my 
son, I was diagnosed with mild preclampsia. So yes, I accepted the room 
sitter situation without much protest, because although I was aware 
that perhaps I was being a little bit singled out, I felt I had to pick 
my battles. Here I was, a new mom who had just been through major 
abdominal surgery, who had no clue how to take care of a baby, and who 
just happened to be blind. For all intents and purposes, I was pretty 
vulnerable. In retrospect, I was so out of it at times due to my meds 
and the lack of sleep that some of my hospital stay is a bit of a 
blurr. But i had the common sense not to argue each and every single 
thing that was thrown my way at the hospital. Someone else in my place 
may have been huffing and puffing about the idea that having a sitter 
in the room with mom and baby is discriminating, but while being caught 
up in that battle, they might have made some enemies within the team of 
hospital staff that was caring for them. And that gets the ball 
rolling, so to speak. That's when the new mom's ability to care for her 
child comes into question, so on and so forth. Truth be told, I 
probably didn't need a sitter with me and my baby. But maybe I did. I 
dont' know. There was this time when I was holding my son and I started 
to doze off. The lady who was assigned to stay with me in my room 
quickly came up to my bed and said she had to take my son and put him 
in his bassinette. I didn't think I was sleepy; My meds were playing 
tricks on me that day. Maybe if she wasn't there, I might have fallen 
asleep, and maybe I would have jerked myself awake in the nick of time, 
but who knows, maybe not. Maybe I might  have had a tragedy on my hands 
if it hadn't been for that, admittedly unnecessary extra person.
Perhaps I should have been vexed about my privacy being violated. My 
boyfriend couldn't stay all three of the nights that I was there, but 
he did stay overnight on the last night. We both agreed that having 
that person there wasn't really necessary while we were both there, and 
it did sort of nag us that perhaps the extra person was sort of 
infringing on our private time with our son. But guess what? We were 
all set to check out with our baby the next morning. So would it have 
been worth the argument? Not really. Not from my standpoint. Not if my 
ability to take my son home with me would have been put into question 
afterword.
My son was not premature, but he was born at 4 pounds and 13 ounces, so 
due to his low birth weight, some extra precaution had to be taken. 
Now, whether  that was the reason why I had the sitter in the room with 
me, or whether it was that i was loopy from the meds, or even whether 
it was because I am blind--I'm not sure. The reason probably stemmed 
from all three factors. Should I have questioned the hospital more on 
it or protested it, maybe, but to this day, I personally don't think 
so, because I decided that I'd pick my battles, like I said. My greater 
concern was that the hospital staff wouldn't question my ability as a 
new parent once out of the hospital. My job was to stay on guard with 
nurses and social workers, and prove to them that I could indeed learn 
what I had to learn to get the job done adequately. So there was a 
person there, who was unfamiliar to me who had to sit in my hospital 
room. I had just had my vagina and survix prodded by various doctors 
and resident students.. Doubt I cared much about my privacy at that 
point. My point is, it was just an extra precaution, but it wasn't so 
invasive that I had to make a fuss about it. So I chose to leave it 
alone, and in my oppinion, all turned out well. I chose to educate the 
ignorant, learn what I had to learn, and left well enough alone. That 
ensured that I wasn't over confident, and in turn, that I got to go 
home with my son without a hitch. I think Jodi is right. Whether we 
like it or not, as blind parents, we are going to be scrutinized. We 
are going to have to prove to those less educated about us that we can 
do it, because they, unfortunately, are employed to care for children's 
best interests. So yes, we can fight our battles and educate people, 
but we still have to  accept that there will always be those to whom we 
have to prove our abilities. And the more we accept that with grace, 
wisdom and confidence, the better it will be for us and our children.
There's a time and place for everything in my oppinion, and there's a 
time and place where it's appropriate for us to pick our battles. If I 
had been a seasoned parent who had gone through natural labor and 
wasn't under the influence of a couple of prescription drugs, I might 
have faught the idea of a sitter in my room more fervently. But this 
means that I'd have been able to change my new baby with confidence 
right from the start, feed him without any issues, and so on. And I 
would have been able to show that to the hospital personell. So 
different circumstances call for different measures.
In my case, the person who was assigned to my room during the day ended 
up being a major asset. She was a sweet elderly lady named Gladys. She 
kept me company, took care of my boy when I needed to sleep, and she 
observed my boyfriend as he fed and changed our son, while  patiently 
giving him pointers. She was also one of the people who vouched for my 
confidence and abilities, not only as a person who is blind, but as a 
new mother. I was coming along in my new set of skills, and she, as 
someone who's job it was to hang out with me, saw that firsthand, and I 
doubt she would have sat by quietly as some nurse or careless social 
worker wrote nonsense in my charts that could potentially result in my 
son being taken by the state.

Bernadetta

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