[blparent] Parenting and blindness

Fri Aug 10 07:46:51 UTC 2012

That is the actual word they use and it is in the training manual for new
workers too. I found the manual on line and read through it because they
apparently are not able to provide the parent booklet in an accessible
format and I do not have a scanner right now. I tried to address the
supposed parentification issue with one worker after she told my 8 year old
to pick up his back pack so his mother would not all on it. She insists that
she would have expressed it that same way to any child.

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 2:13 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Parenting and blindness

Parentification?  Wow.  Is that their word?  If so, who is doing the 
parentifying?

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Jennifer Jackson
Sent: Friday, August 10, 2012 1:13 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Parenting and blindness

My original thought had been to work my way through the list and write about
my own experiences with CPS after I had caught up, but I think I have
something to share on this, and this list has been really active lately.
This may not be the most coherent narrative, but really I often feel like I
am in some episode of the Twilight Zone about this.

. The first time I know of anyone reporting us to CPS was when my son was
about 8 months old. The horrible thing that needed to be investigated was
that a blind woman lived in a house where the grass was overgrown and was
alone with a baby. I am not kidding or exaggerating either. The grass was a
little over mid calf high and did desperately need to be mown. At the time
my husband was working full time in a rock quarry during the day and going
to school full time at night so he had let the yard get away from him.  The
worker got into my home by announcing who she was as she steeped forward
into my personal space and I still think would have bounced off of me if I
had not automatically taken a step back. Still she was in my home for less
than five minutes including the introduction to the baby, to my sister who
happened to have stopped by to visit, and a short trip to see the nicely
kept back yard where the baby did go out to play. I suspect that it was the
presence of my sister that made the difference though as it clearly
indicated I had help. Ironically I think it was the only time she stopped by
unexpectedly like that in the year or so I lived in that house.

About six months later I had another incident where I was actually out on an
O&M lesson with the baby in a backpack and some people in a restaurant
decided to call and report me to the police for walking in the street with
the baby. Who knows haw that might have gone if I had been using that route
the next day after the lesson and had not had an official person in charge
of my safety.

Those were the only two incidents I had until my second son was about two.
My little Houdini has always been quite the escape artist. He also has some
issues with defiance and other inappropriate behaviors. I know I have shared
some of this here, but it has culminated this year with our now having an
open case with CPS. I do not actually question that they have come to ask
about this as I do realize that the situation with him is escalating as he
wants to widen his horizons and the police have been called several times
over the last few years. Of course they believe this to all be related to my
blindness even though he has a history of getting away from several
different sighted caregivers in the past. The last couple of incidents have
been about me and therefore it is all me.

Except that it is also about my middle son. The CPS worker has flat out said
that she believes a sighted person could keep Henry from doing this.  I am
regularly told what a great parent I am and that they have no concerns about
my other two children, but that of course if I do not do exactly what they
tell me about my middle son all three of my children will be removed from
home. This in spite of the incident where two CPS workers were supposed to
be speaking to my six year old in the back yard and when I came out they had
lost him. I will at least give my CPS worker credit for answering with an "I
don't know" when I asked her what she would do to keep Henry from leaving.
Apparently her vision was not the magic answer. Another frustrating thing is
that I do believe that this woman truly believes she is helping us.

One of the dilemmas I face is that if I do prove that a sighted person could
not in fact do a better job, will they then decide that my boy needs to be
placed in some kind of institution. For the record, none of his doctors or
therapists think that is an appropriate level of care for Henry and believe
he should be at home.

The system really can set you up for failure. If you accept their help and
all the services that they recommend, that is proof that you need help, but
if you decline it is a sign that you are refusing to access needed services.

Oh, CPS also has concerns about the supposed parentification of my oldest
child because of my blindness. I wonder if this is based on the report of
the investigator who came into my home and asked my son "are you keeping
everyone safe?" He said yes, so I guess we were safe for that few minutes
after he came downstairs because he heard the doorbell and wanted to know
who was here.

I asked my worker a couple of weeks ago to tell me what the goal is for my
case. How will we know when we no longer need services and she does not have
an answer. Apparently they have to staff this with the supervisor. I find it
very disturbing that these people with so much power over my family are
unable to express what they hope to achieve.

I could go on about this, and I may ad some things later, but this is
already a novel. I have grown a lot more comfortable discussing this since
it started in March, so please do feel free to respond to this.

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Agnes Steinhoff
Sent: Monday, August 13, 2012 5:13 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Parenting and blindness

It still amazes me that we are living in the year 2012 and have come so far
with discrimination and yet people still take children away from blind
parents for whatever reason.  And yet, there are parents out there who do
drugs and abuse their children.  Everyone is too worried about the blind
parent.  In my opinion, it takes common sense to raise a child, not sight.
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